Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Where are they now?

Remember those freaky singing animal robots from Chuck E Cheese?

They are back...

Deviant Tendencies

Ok, so more examples of just how simple it could be to be a restaurant quality A-hole.

While on my recent international travels, I saw no shortage of folks toting around the new Harry Potter.

I also saw no shortage of online hub-bub about spoilers and how hard it was for folks to try and keep it real and save themselves for all of JK's twists in the final chapter of the scarred wizard.

Everytime I saw one of these muggles, I really had to fight the urge to start spouting off random bits of misinformation such as "RON IS GAY!" or "VOLDEMORT IS HARRY'S REAL FATHER!"

But thankfully, for them, my medula oblongata works like a charm and keeps these jack-assery impulses in check.

Thankfully for me as well.

You see, while waiting in line at the border check point in Texas, my mental gears started turning in their twisted ways and my mind was flooded with the sorts of things you probably don't want to say to the customs/immigration officer when he waves you up for inspection.

Things like:

(2) Scream Hilary in 2008 whoooooooo!
(3) Stating that Texas is full of steers and queers and I don't see any horns on you
(4) Declaring Toby Keith is a communist
(5) Yelling Ozzie was right (ps he peed on the alamo and was banned from texas for several years)

Before deivant thought #6 cropped up, a booming announcement came over the PA stating something to the effect that jokes or inappropriate comments at the airport would result in fines and imprisonment, and prison in Texas means a trip to see ole sparky.

Daaaaaaaamn, I am glad my funky cold medula was on point that day.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Chocolate Rain

This video is blowing up for some reason...

Sunday, July 29, 2007

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

After 2+ weeks of radio, er, blog silence, topic15 makes a late night return, coming off a two week honeymoon excursion to Mexico and let me tell you, it was a doozy.

I had the best fajitas, and the worst tostadas.

I drank all sorts of tequilla, good, bad and the ugly, a shot from a large jar containing a rattlesnake, which I am told is good to curb arthritis. Also good to clean brake dust off rotors, polish brass and do another half dozen other random things.

My wife and I went to Chichen Itza, one of the new 7 wonders of the world and shopped at a Mexican costco.

I got a hella sick tan so that I now look like I might actually be 1/4 lebanese, or as peter griffen would say, my skin is kinda dark so I look like a mexican or perhaps some kind of italian.

We walked by Sammy H's Cabo Wabo Cantina and have a whole new appreciation for storm drains, thanks to the thick funk of excrement from the previous night's patrons having nowhere to go except evaporate in the hot mexican sun.

We met some interesting people who told us a little too much information for having just met, such as how they ravaged a bathroom with vomit on a pirate ship used in "hook" during a romantic sunset cruise.

We learned that Pulpo means octopus and that the broadcast networks of eastern mexico really like eddie murphy and scooby doo movies.

Driving in mexico is pretty much like that 80s arcade game Outrun, except with hoopties instead of nice lambo's.

Cultural differences make appearances from time to time. One such exception comes in the a new form of animal cruelty, not unlike the bullfights, cockfights or dog fights from the past. I managed to sneak a quick video, and while I do not condone such action I think it is important to know what really goes on, after hours, in certain parts of town...

Monday, July 09, 2007

Like padlocking a dog turd...

“Transformers” was shipped to theaters on seven reels in two separate cases under the name "Cobra."

Several of the reels were shipped in cans that had a timelock on it. Motion picture presentation specialists could build up the trailers and the first three reels, but had to wait until a certain date and time before they could open the second can and build up the rest of the print. This would prevent any pre-release screenings that could end up being captured by another device (like a camcorder).

Film reels four through seven were locked with a master-lock combination four-digit lock. The combination to this lock is director Michael Bay's birthday, 0217 or Febuary 17th.

Ok, ok, the padlocking a turd was a bit harsh. The movie was not all that bad. Overall, it was what one would expect, generically, from a summer movie. Cool cars, good looking people, explosions and a camaro peeing on a government agent.

Ooops. I probably should have called spoiler on that last one.

I liked a lot about the movie. For instance, Bernie Mac's onsite petting zoo at Bobby Bolivia's used car lot.

Or watching the fatman play DDR then run through a sliding glass door while trying to escape the man.

Or maybe the loose cannon cop who grills little whitwicky when the cop flashes his gun "what's up 50 cent, you eyeballin my piece? What you gonna do about it?"

All of this equity was squandered in one fell swoop when they gave megatron teeth. WTF Michael Bay? First you give Optimus Prime lips (gross). And now this? You better have some good explanation for this in the sequel.

Perhaps, as a young robot, Megatron was gyped by the cybertronian tooth fairy. Or maybe had a bad experience with the dentist. All shaping young 'tron to become the villian he grew up to be.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

You got the touch!

Da' Source

For those who want the hydrating image, but not the effect, I present Smirnoff's latest concoction, Smirnoff Source, which is basically alcoholic spring water.

From the mouths of wiki...

The newest product from Smirnoff is Smirnoff Source, an ultra-premium beer-alternative created with alcohol and spring water released in May of 2007. It is citrus flavored and lightly carbonated with 3.5% ABV. It comes in pint bottles (20oz) only. Despite the lower-alcohol content, one 20oz bottle of Smirnoff Source contains more alcohol than a 12oz bottle of many popular American beers.

You have got serious problems if you need a lil kicker in your spring water.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Ah, it's the litte things that count...

I have been bothered by something for quite sometime.

There is a line in the movie Friday where Craig's dad is lecturing him about always being up in the fridge, eating all the food. During his diatribe, he mentions "I like hog's maw, I like pig's feet" and my ignorance of the former has always served as a matter of iritation considering my running status of the "go-to" source for useless information, especially that which is urban in nature.

All that ended last night, while thumbing through Just Curious, Jeeves, a book devoted to information as random as it is useless. While reading an excerpt about chitterlings (or as most would know them, chitlins) I noticed to following answer to my prayers:

Fried chitlins are first boiled with spices, then fried. Often, they are made with the maw (stomach) cooked at the same time as part of the same dish.

There you go. Craig's dad likes pig stomach with his pig intestines.

I found a few combinitations of things that I like this weekend as well.

For starters, I am just going to come right out and say it, the black 8 is delicious. Maybe it had something to do with the equally as tasty Sake bomb beforehand, but it was a delight to consume.

What's a black 8?

Lest, ye forget, it is a 40 ounce bottle of OE, drained down to the top of the label, then topped off with a guiness extra stout. Think of it as a frankenstien black and tan. You need to go get one. Now.

What is a sake bomb?

Like an irish car bomb, it is a shot (Sake) dropped into a glass of beer (Sapporo). There is a technique to doing involving chop sticks, banging on the counter and yelling banzai, but due to my lack of engineering skills and sloppy stick placement, we didn't get past the first step before slamming that unnatural disaster down. It wasn't half bad. Like a PBR with a little kicker.

In totally unrelated news, I think I am now hooked on a new show, survivorman (thanks Rob). I mean who wouldn't want to watch some yahoo start a fire using leftover gas and a battery from a crashed plane? I hear he even makes candles out of doritos. I wish I would have known, cause I would have burned that whole X-14C display like the 4th of july.