topic15

The Wagon got some new plates!

2011-11-30T10:47:00.002-05:00

Roof rails for sale!

2011-06-29T20:34:00.002-04:00

Roof Rail Delete

2011-06-08T10:20:00.001-04:00

Mach V Spring Open House 2011

2011-03-19T14:12:00.007-04:00

Karl you are on notice!

2011-01-16T13:41:00.000-05:00

The craigslist ad went live 2 minutes ago.

Sadly, the day has come. I'm selling my Slam Man punching bag. If you are searching for a slam man, you probably already know what it is. If not, you can look it up online.

Basically it is a freestanding punching bag (base currently filled with nearly 200 lbs of sand) that features a super creepy teal torso modelled after some kind of robot cyborg human. It has several light-up areas which teaches you how to better target your strikes. Don't be caught unprepared when the robots take over the world. If John Conner had one of these, Terminator would have been 3 minutes long, if that.

It is great for cardio and/or blowing off some steam. It also works exceptionally well for scaring your wife when she goes into the basement.

I tried naming it "Karl" to make it less scary. That didn't help. I then gave Karl my luchador mask. That only made things worse, with her arguing my workouts could be construed as a hate crime. After many months of not paying rent and scaring my wife and my new found desire in buying an I-Pad, it is time for Karl to find a new home.

He is all yours for $150. You can even keep the +/- 200 pounds of sand he had for lunch (weighs him down better than water) so you can beat him like he owes you money, and after you buy him, he will).

You will need a handtruck and large vehicle (Minivan, pick-up, or full size windowless creepy van) if you want to bring Karl home for some good old fashion karate in your garage.

New, these things cost something ridiculous, like $300 or $400. And I am not even sure they even sell them anymore. So no lowballers. Karl is a classy guy.

New shots of the wagon

2010-10-08T17:24:00.003-04:00

Too hot for facebook

2010-08-31T10:44:00.004-04:00

Facebook status has proven to be the preferred means to sharing my ideas and observations, but this one, might be a little too soon for grandpa topic15 and my employers to share.

Recently there was an incident in a mexican bar.

Imagine that!

Well, to be fair, calling this an incident is kind of like calling Call of Duty a mild distraction.

Some dude, went all martyrdom perk up in a bar. For you non-COD freaks, they chucked a grenade up in there.

My first reaction was, man that is awful.

My second reaction was just plain awful in itself. I thought, hey, someone should make a T-shirt...

Ok, I lied. The T-shirt was my first reaction. Sorry. Sometimes my mind has these really deviant ideas pop in all unexpected like, similar to getting a knock on the door from a Jehova's witness.

ALL POINTS BULLETIN! Billy Dee lost his Colt 45!

2010-06-27T15:14:00.004-04:00

Help him find it by clicking here.

WRX Parts for Sale

2010-04-11T13:05:00.006-04:00

Mach V Open House Pictures

2010-04-10T16:02:00.006-04:00

Hold on to your Boomin System (wishy washy go go remix)

2010-03-31T22:18:00.001-04:00

Another shoddy mash-up built by Topic15...

Gestalt Theory in Action

2010-03-30T11:14:00.003-04:00

I know my posts are far and few between nowadays, but this was just too damn funny not to share.

Before we begin, a quick refresher on Gestalt Theory...

a configuration or pattern of elements so unified as a whole that it cannot be described merely as a sum of its parts

Or perhaps better phrased as the ability for an individual to see "the big picture" even if some the minor details are missing. It's how we can look a partially obstructed view of something, but still have a pretty good idea of what it is that we are looking it. This is done, generally by using context and common sense to fill in the gaps.

Sometimes it works it works in other funny ways.

Take for example a recent, post spring cleaning email exchange I had with a friend who has a business selling crap you have in your closet/garage/attic.

Said friend is a college buddy and in college, some would say I had a bit of a thuggish image, which was all a ruse and nothing more that my youthful rebellion. In the 50's the youth rebelled by dressing up like greasers, drove hot rods and listening to rock and roll. In my day and age and location, we blasted gangsta rap from our mustang 5.0's and wore oversized Guess and Polo products.

...but back to the present...

[ORIGINAL EMAIL FROM T-15] (* names changed to protect the innocent)

My media collection has been purged and is ready to be Firebird* Resaled.

Odd and unusual does not even begin to cover the items in this lot, everything from the first 3 seasons of the Sopranos to a Bootsy Collins Christmas cd.

90% of the stuff is either a CD, DVD, or Video game and will be really straight forward.

There are a few other items of interest...

Linksys Wireless N router (at least I think it is N, it might be G, it is whatever is supposed to be the better of the two...in box with all supplies).

A random box with an old school NES System and a number of loose NES games, including a Mike-Tysonless version of Punch-out. You can probably Box Lot that. Unfortunately the Wii Virtual Console pretty much killed the market value on most old school NES stuff.

There are also a number of loose Sega Genesis games. The real gem of the Sega Games is Herzog Zwei (it was the predecessor to the Command and Conquer types of games). For a while that was still commanding $19 on ebay. Not sure if that is the case anymore. probably worth selling Herzog on it's own and box lotting the rest. (sidenote: if you happen to have a sega genesis stashed away, we should pull Herzog Zwei and set that aside for a couple of games before selling it, it's no halo, but it's a damn fun game).

There's also a Colt 45 clock which is boxed up and ready to ship. I sold it to some A-hole who never paid up. Fucking hooligan. I guess I should have known better. Scrupulous people generally do not bid on second hand colt 45 clocks.

My old timey kung fu sparring gear is also up for grabs. the retail on that was over $100. I suspect it will sell for $20-$40 as while it was MY equipment, it will NOT impart MY kung fu treachery.

Lastly, we have the wolf puzzle. Which my mom gave me for Christmas last year, and not as a "oh man this would be a really funny gift" kind of present. She seriously thought I would like a wolf puzzle. It's mint. It's sealed. It probably won't sell, so just plan on burning it. Hey, c'mon now, you can't have a business like Firebird* Resale and NOT set fire to crap that doesn't sell.

Ok, so now you know what you are dealing with, what's the best way to get it over to you?

[Firebird's response]
I would expect an interesting lot from you, Mr. T-15*.

The CDs, DVDs, and games are easy. So is the router, NES, and Sega stuff, wolf puzzle, and kung fu gear. Generally, I'll tell you if something is worth selling vs. donating. I am not sure if you itemize your deductions on your taxes, but if you don't, you are missing out of free government money. I donate piles of what I consider worthless to me items to Goodwill every year, and then deduct fair market value (as determined by TurboTax).

I have no idea how to sell a gun legally, but I have a friend who will want to buy it. I can put you in touch with him.

[T-15's Follow-up after realizing what happened]
That's a colt 45 clock. it tells time. has a picture of a can of colt 45 on ice with some cheeky slogan like "it works every time."

Not a colt 45 glock, which is used to bust caps and pistol whipping.

Where are they now?

2010-02-09T10:09:00.004-05:00

It is a somewhat little known cinematic fact that one of the extras in crowded stands at the high school basketball game at the end of Teen Wolf went balls out...literally.

Dude had his junk out while they were filming and nobody caught on until the film was already in the can.

As little known as that fact is, even less know where that jabroni is now. While I cannot say with any certainty, I am fairly sure they are in product R & D for Willy Wonka candies. Why do I say that?

Example 1: Willy Wonka Sour Puckerooms Gummies...

Not convinced? Take a closer look...

Yes, that is a gummi purple mushroom. I think we have our answer.

White Elephant

2009-12-20T20:14:00.004-05:00

Each year my office does a white elephant gift exchange, where participants contribute a gift that is purchased (rarely) or just randomly grabbed out of their closet/attic/desk.

Everyone pulls a number and then gifts are chosen by order of the numbers. Starting with numbers 2 and higher you can either grab a new unopened gift from the pile or steal one that an earlier participant has opened (they in turn either steal from someone else or grab a new gift).

My contribution this year was a child leash purchased at the Dinosaurland gift shop. I am an impulse buyer and it was up at the counter along with candy dinos and maps. I came home with all three. Sadly, I left the How to make Wizard Stencils book behind.

My first pick was a nice looking gift bag with the word "Lucky" on it. How can you resist that, right? Besides, it was heavy and heavy is good. When I opened it up, I found that it contained at least 30 DVDs that I never want to watch...the remake of Dukes of Hazzard, some random Billy Bob Thorton movie, Must love dogs ect. SCORE!

Unfortunately, somehow jacked my stash and I lost 30 DVDs I would never want to watch and ended up with a single DVD that I simply can't watch (as it is a copy of the Hulk on the now defunct HD DVD format).

Sigh.

As an added bonus of awesomeness, the bag also included random office knick knacks of former co-workers who have been sacked over the last 12 months...our old Admin's Paper Weight, another colleagues clock they received for putting someone in an old folks home and the piece de resistance, the bag itself.

At first glance, it appears to be a standard holiday gift back, but, upon close examination, one phrase is not quite right. See if you can pick it out from the following...

Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays
Jingle bells
Peace of Earth

Peace of Earth? What the hell is that?

Did the guy from ELF do the QC check on that before sending off to the printer?

Zomb-economics

2009-12-16T14:52:00.004-05:00

No sooner did I mention the cause of the lack of posting, then did I stumble across a proper idea for a post, which was born of a fairly innocuous FB post mentioning the impact of watching Food INC.

First as a primer to my latest thesis, a quick recap of Food INC... Corn is the root of all evil.

Ok, there is a bit more than that.

Essentially what starts off with very noble intentions, how can we improve upon our farming practices so they impact the environment less, and produce a greater quantity of food at a lower price? wanders into some creepy territory not that foreign from a Michael Crichton novel... GMO's using natural pollination in conjunction with their proprietary genetically modified seeds to claim farmers who did not buy their seed to owe them seed rights (i.e. scrilla, loot, dough, benjamins) through a twisted version of eminent domain blended against other scary tales of altering the natural diets of animals to include things mother nature never intended them to eat (and thus having riveting impacts on their bodies) and dipping a toe in what really goes into processing our food (and you thought making sausage was bad!).

Being the sharp minded critical thinkers that you are, you have most likely deduced to two primary opposing arguments likely to emerge as a result of this film...

Smith sez: We need to leverage science to do more with less in order to meet the ever increasing demand for food, no matter how frankensteinian the means are. If food supplies are scarce, how can we afford to feed the masses?

Jones sez: We are what we eat and as such need to stop subsidizing unhealthy foods (why is it cheaper to eat an extra value meal than to buy ingredients for a fresh salad?) and start supporting local, organic, natural food supplies.

So after some back and forth commenting on the original post, I volleyed my strategic masterpiece...which I christened "ZombiEconomics."

Apparently the idea of Zombie-economics is not new (as demonstrated by a quick google search).

HOWEVER it is about to get a make over, topic15 style.

In the past, it referred to mindless politics, ignorant of the conditions which lead to the present (and thus creating a susceptibility to recreate them in the future, or as the old adage goes, those who don't know the past are bound to recreate it).

So, you are probably thinking, Zombies are cool. Economics aren't cool, but are necessary, what's the deal with the Topic15 Remix of these two concepts?

The fundamental basis of Zombieconomics is as simple as it is brilliant...eat the poor.

The power of this tenet is twofold, as being a relative term, we are virtually guaranteed never to run out of a food source, likewise it will have the benefit of pushing capitalism to the most obscene boundaries through an unprecedented culture of fear.

It is a veritable mash-up of Darwin and Weber! Survival of the fittest means survival of those who work hard and accumulate wealth (which is not a function of a direct desire to be wealthy, but rather as an unintended consequence associated with a desire not to be eaten, very much in line the Protestant world of not being saved).

I still need to flesh out the concept, but think I might have a dissertation on my hands, should I ever return to the world of academia, which I won't... as that means giving up my $$$$ making job and in turn giving me a front of the line pass to the TBE (to be eaten) queue should my theory ever pan out.

Outsource Outsource Outsource is the new Ho Ho Ho

2009-12-16T14:13:00.002-05:00

I made a snarky remark about outsourcing Christmas cards only to discover 1 google search later that my idea is reality.

PS...One day I will get back to blogging regularly, just as soon as I start cultivating proper fodder of Topic15's standard.

Boondock Saint's 2 took 10 years, you just can't rush quality!

Ebay Fraud

2009-12-12T23:16:00.001-05:00

Merry Grizmas

2009-12-02T16:33:00.001-05:00

OBEY The Gambler

2009-11-13T15:57:00.003-05:00

In the dream world of topic15, anything is possible and often the outer edge of the envelope of randomness is explored.

I recently had a dream which has haunted me, not necessarily because it was scary, but because it featured an item I would much like to have, yet am fairly certain does not exist.

The context
I was at some podunk blue collar county fair type of event (which I think is a direct effect of a real life trip to York PA for a monstrous train sale). I was browsing the various redneck bric-a-brac and came across an item which can only be described as an unknown, unmet need. And decided to purchase it on the spot.

The item
The object of my desire was none other than an urban camo hooded sweatshirt which had an iconic image of Kenny Rogers stenciled on the front (similar to Shepard Fairey's Obey the Giant work). My desire for this item did not erode when I woke up. It has only intensified. Partially cause it is cool and largely because it does not exists (which of course makes me want it even more).

The resolution
While there are some interesting proxies, the only way to truly replicate the one from my dream is going to be to make it. I've already started on an image to use to cut the stencil (shown above), now I simply need to find the right color of urban camo hooded sweatshirt to bring this idea to life. After a quick google search, I think I may need to opt for sky camo (see #4) rather than urban camo as that is a closer match to the one in my dream.

We'll see how it goes.

Michael Bay, you be trippin!

2009-10-25T11:28:00.004-04:00

After watching the biblically bad Crank 2: High Voltage, I was hoping for some redemption from Transformers 2. I should have known better.

There were a few interesting stand outs, but not all necessarily in a good way. Perhaps the most questionable were the addition of two new autobots, Skids and Mudflap. These characters are based on 2 chevy compacts. They also speak jive, are always causing a ruckus, admit they can't read and one has a gold tooth.

Apparently, I was not the only one to notice the dubious racial overtones.

And you thought Jar Jar Binks was racist. Damn Michael Bay, you really raised the racism bar son! What do you have in store for Transformers 3? A watermelon that transforms into a bucket of chicken?

Greetings from down unda!

2009-09-11T03:08:00.002-04:00

G'day mates! The first 24 hours in the land down under did not disappoint, well except for learning that we just missed Ben Folds at the opera house.

We spent the bulk of the first day hoofing it around town in a zombie-like post 14 hour flight jet lag daze. We did get to see a couple of traditionally cool sights, including the harbor bridge, the opera house and the Sydney tower.

We also saw a few things that probably aren't considered cool by most standard, but I found interesting.

Example #1.

These neo-el camino's run rampant on Sydney's streets.

They seem to also have a bit of a fetish for turkish delight. They sell it everywhere. Unfortunately, they like to keep it real, and by keep it real, I mean make it with rosewater, which just doesn't do it for my western palette.

I found a record shop near by which offers classes in scratching. I am trying to schedule a lesson before we head out.

We took a trip to Manly beach, which if I ever come back to Sydney, will plan to stay there (Sydney is cool, but Manly beach is more laid back and has the most terrifically terrible souvenir stores one can imagine...In one shop I saw an infant wifebeater with a picture of soundwave on it for $3).

I'd write more, but we are off to a walking pub tour. Should be interesting! I will write more later.

Yet another reason technology > you

2009-09-02T17:35:00.000-04:00

Let not ye pets be left behind alone

2009-08-27T10:20:00.000-04:00

This is kind of awesome.

The original meets the remix.

2009-07-30T17:30:00.000-04:00

Jimmy's Ride PPT Remix

2009-07-30T17:05:00.002-04:00

Paper Towels!

2009-07-29T16:47:00.001-04:00

MBP

2009-07-21T12:42:00.001-04:00

What happens when you drop Jay-Z and Radiohead into a blender?

2009-07-15T17:09:00.001-04:00

This.

And it is delightful.

Wagon Mafia!

2009-07-12T20:23:00.001-04:00

Nothing runs like a Cena?!?!?!?!??!

2009-07-01T15:47:00.003-04:00

Interesting to see WWE superstar John Cena's latest look which seems to crib heavily the colors and style of none other than John Deere.

Cena's not shy from borrowing from other logos. Just see the comparison to his HLA shirt and the now defunct AWA logo...

Now, I get why he would repurpose the AWA logo, given it is old school wrestling and he is a wrestler and he is all about respect and old skool and all that jazz, but what is the dealio with John Deere?

I mean c'mon, that is totally out of left field.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some John Deere after doing a near weekly battle with the belts on my dad's JD lawn tractor, but can't help but wonder what Cena's connection is. He ain't no farmer, that's for damn sure. I suppose he might be making a play to the blue collar fans or maybe he just likes the color green.

I love it when a plug comes together

2009-05-29T14:38:00.002-04:00

Well in a few short days, Hamm-solo and crew embark on the BABE rally.

In true entrepreneurial spirit, he is gonna try and flip that pig in the big easy (translation--sell the van to recoup purchase price and investment).

In a vain attempt to build buzz, I sent the following to Q93, New Orlean's mad crazy hip hop hook up....

What's up Q93 crew!

I just wanted to send a shout out all the way from the nation's capital, (DC in the hizouse! what what!) drop some knowledge on an upcoming event, and see if you might be able to hook a friend up!

So check this out, next week the 2009 BABE rally kicks off.

What's that, you ask?

It's a rally style race from the Big Apple to Big Easy (thus the BABE accronym). The rally runs M-F, starting in Staten Island and ending in the super fine city of New Orleans. It's an event that is open to pretty much anyone regardless of driving skill.

There is, however, one devastatingly twisted stipulation.

The car you field for the rally can cost no more that $500.

Yes, $500.

That's right, not much more that a playstation. It is essentially a Burt Reynolds movie with straight hoopties (Sir Mix Alot would certainly approve in a motor in the back of the honda kind of way).

For safety reasons, it must me registered and insured, but that is about all. So don't be alarmed when on Friday, the city's hooptie population experiences a slight spike. Now you know why.

So now that I have the shout out, and 411 on the event laid out, I wanted to share a small request. I have a good friend participating in the event and he is looking for a loving home for his van once they arrive.

This van is no ordinary creep box on wheels however. It is a rolling tribute to the A-team that has been painstakingly replicated with about 2 hours of work, a couple of cans of spray paint and a case of mexican beer.

It is hott.

Yes hot with 2 t's. And it can be had for a steal, asking price of just under 1 large (not bad for a road worthy vehicle that is bound to attract props with its hella-fine candy paint job). We put a listing on craigslist.

Any chance you could ask you listeners to take a look?

http://neworleans.craigslist.org/cto/1195065317.html

Thank you in advance for you consideration.

Things I have not done in a long time...

2009-05-21T21:45:00.004-04:00

1) Worked out with 225 pounds (ouch)

2) Written on this blog

3) Bought an actual CD

Mainly thanks to #3 I have something worthwhile to share for #2.

Today I stumbled across an interesting CD which for some unknown reason has flown under my radar for nearly half a year.

I discovered said CD while searching for remixes on youtube and saw that Pete Rock did a Johnny Cash remix and true to the mecca soul brother's standards it was pretty swank. Even more impressive was the remix of Belshazzar by machine drum (see video below).

If you listen closely, you can here hints of a track I nearly forgot about until I stumbled across my case of mixtapes in my parents attic, God Lives Underwater's "From your mouth."

A quick listen and you can't help but think the same producer must be behind both of these tracks. I wonder if they would mash-up well together. Perhaps I will give that a shot this weekend.

Anyhow back to the Johnny Cash Remix album. I bought it at Best Buy before realizing it was also available on I-tunes. That's fine, I actually like having the CD and liner notes to get details on the producers of the album and individual contributors.

The reviews on Itunes are dismal. Nearly 300 ratings, and the average is 1.5 stars. Yikes!

Interestingly, the driving force behind the album was none other than Snoop Dogg (who has a track on the CD) and Johnny Cash's son, John Carter Cash. And while many commenters think the remixes are borderline blasphemy, John Carter Cash has this to say...

"My father made his stead by defying the expected & accepted way of things. He set the standard at the same time. He would have loved this remix record. While it stays true to the original recordings, the cd touches on undiscovered ground. This is what my father was about, staying true to tradition, while creating groundbreaking new music."

Knowing what I know about the man in black and the character I believe he was, I am inclined to agree with this.

I certainly love and respect the original work, but also love that other artists from all different walks of life continue to embrace his work and pay tribute in the form of their own remixes.

The album is no where near without having fault or some questionnable versions, but that is all good and fine. Like most things in life, and the man in black himself, the postive aspects do far more too offset the associated transgressions and the net result is the rare album I am not only proud to own, but actually made the trek to the store to buy.

Fred

2009-05-16T21:26:00.002-04:00

For when you want that bum wine look, but not that bum wine feel, reach for FRED, spring water in a bottle that looks like a flask of mad dog or cheap vodka.

I picked some up while on a trip to Dinosaurland to celebrate KG's 30th...

Vrooooom! Wagon Mafia in action!

2009-04-22T09:19:00.001-04:00

Dear Santa (part II)....

2009-04-09T09:38:00.000-04:00

I'd also like a case of these.

And you thought the Nacho Cheese Fountain was gross...

2009-04-07T22:39:00.000-04:00

How about a Chili fountain?

Chili Fountain

Dear Santa...

2009-04-07T10:34:00.000-04:00

Send this!

To fully appreciate the transformation...

2009-04-06T11:04:00.001-04:00

Before -- Old and Busted:

After -- New Hotness:

I love it when a plan comes together!

2009-04-04T21:23:00.002-04:00

I am positively AMAZED at what a few beers, some spray paint, and a saturday afternoon can produce.

Sadly, I am unable to participate in the BABE Rally 2009, but was more than glad to lend a hand to team sweatbox and giving vanaroonie a new coat honoring the A-Team.

The end result is a virtual mona lisa on wheels...

The van looks good. Good enough to make George Peppard Gizz in His Pants.

New Coke and Damn Yankees

2009-04-01T11:53:00.001-04:00

I had a good discussion on brands on the way to seven springs with Suede Shizzle and decided to look into what the dealio was with the roll-out of new coke (and answer the question of did they bother investing in research to test reaction).

What I found on Wikipedia was simply fascinating. Coke did do a fair amount of market research before rolling out the new formula. Coke did not successfully foresee the big picture, nor consider the implications of deviating from their original brand promise. Let me try to summarize…

Coke wanted to attract younger buyers to help beat Pepsi in the Cola wars of the 80s and the decided to refine the formula as a means to do so. The new formula was sweeter than both the old coke and pepsi (pepsi traditionally being sweeter that old coke). It was important to attract younger consumers as they speculated, and rightly so, that as consumers age, they become more concerned with health and calories (and thus more likely to switch to diet versions, which were a much smaller part of the pie back then). At the time the younger audiences preferred the sweeter taste of Pepsi.

This move also had to be fueled, at least in part, to the taste tests that pepsi was doing and consistently beating coke. Although that method is often criticized as being flawed, as it is a sip test, and people will prefer more intense flavor in smaller volume (i.e a sip) as opposed to a full serving. Furthermore, Coke had smartly reframed this in previous ad campaigns featuring Bill Cosby. In these ads, the Cos said he preferred Coke because it was less sweet. As a result, the new formula sandbagged that whole campaign and marked a 180 shift in how the brand promoted itself, which is never a good thing.

But back to new coke, Coke did a number of studies, including focus groups in surveys to measure reaction to the new formula. The net result was positive, especially in the surveys. The focus groups, however, did reveal a small set (10% or so) of consumers STRONGLY opposed to the switch. This was sufficient enough for Coke to feel confident to make the switch and they began rolling out new coke.

New coke was not the instant flop that we tend to remember. Sales data show that many old coke drinkers were quick to adopt the new version and consume in equal quantity. However, just as in the focus groups, there was a very displeased and very vocal minority. These people were often southerners who considered coke as a part of the regional identity, and viewed the cola war like the civil war (considering the NY based Pepsi to be the Yankee enemy). Changing the formula to be more like Pepsi was a slap in the face and when Coke hired a psychiatrist to screen calls, the found that the tone of the callers was not unlike those mourning the death of a family member. Pretty soon, hating on the new formula became a bandwagon and folks started piling on, regardless of whether or not people actually liked the product.

Soon enough coke got tired of the drama and brought the old formula back.

Check out the full article on Wikipedia when you get a chance.

Blame Al Gore

2009-03-11T13:56:00.002-04:00

Ok, I caught some flack last weekend about not updating my blog.

Being a dude's ski weekend and operating without our moral compasses, I am thankful that flack is all I received as opposed to the potential t-bag or pseudo-sanchez that may or may not be associated with such events.

So in a weak attempt to provide some semi-entertaining material, I will share a few responses to an interesting political discussion that has been volleyed among some of my distance relatives and myself.

The launching point was an email that indicates the owners of SNOPES (which is a source for debunking myths, urban legends, and common internet fallacies) are democrats who are running the site for profit and to advance the liberal agenda.

Here are some responses written in the spirit of good fun...

Topic15:
This news should not be surprising.

After all Snopes resides on the Internet.

And we all know Al Gore invented the Internet, and thus by transitive properties all Internet content defaults to the liberal agenda.

It's simple math.

Plus NOW it's in an email so it is totally true.

Now I've got to go wire my new best friend, Prince Nabujaru in Nigeria $10,000.

Aunt Carol:
Right, your new friend should be told, that Bill Gates is giving us $250, something or another for keeping these emails going.

Topic15:
Gosh, you are totally right.

I was going to tell prince nabujaru that, but I have been distracted today.

You see, I was on my way to fill up my gas tank early this morning, since tomorrow is the Don't buy gas on thursday 3/12 boycott that will result in 99 cents gas next week, but while on my way to the gas station, I passed a car driving with no headlights.

I wanted to alert them, so I flashed my highbeams, which was a BAD idea. Turns out, it was a gang trying to initiate new members and they tried to kill me.

Lucky I am a morning person and I was able to outmanuever them. They crashed into a colony of giant desert camel spiders which proceeded to bite them, rendering them unconscious.

This all happened in the seedy parking lot of a motel in vegas, so naturally, I booked a room, dragged the gang bangers inside and removed their kidneys and left them in an ice bath.

I was able to fetch a solid $20,000 per kidney on the black market.

Now I have my $10,000 to send to prince nabujaru AND fill up my tank!

Hittin Harder the Riddick Bowe...

2009-03-01T20:49:00.002-05:00

Oh man, JACKPOT! I found a case of old high school mix tapes in my parents attic this past weekend and have been rocking them out thanks to the CD/tape deck combo in the 'roo.

I might joke with people about having forgot more about old school hip hop than they will ever learn, but after finding some of the tracks in those mix tapes, there might be something too it.

I found monster underground tracks including this one:

Even better is that in proper mixtape style, half the songs on the tapes were dubbed straight off the radio and have Donnie Simpson or Al B D chatting it up at the tail end (that's where the title came from, a quick sign off from Donnie Simpson from 93.9 citing a track hitting harder than Riddick Bowe.)

Gotta love the old school.

Here's another classic brought back to life:

2 Pac -- Keep ya head up (vibe tribe remix)

Taste Check One Two...One Two...

2009-02-25T10:09:00.002-05:00

I have been known to brew my own beer and I have been known to name my tasty beers with less than tasteful names...Spooky Chocolate, Honky McGhee, Cincinnati Surprise, Donkey Punch ect ect ect.

What is the consensus on naming a beer "The Last Supper?"

Is that considered overtly tasteless?

Some of you might be asking yourself, "Here, here topic15! Where do you get such ideas?"

Well I will tell you.

My dreams.

Specifically a dream where some hoodrat checkout lady was commenting on my limited edition 44 oz Obama "Yes We Can" bottle of Colt 45 that I was buying at a local Korean Grocery store from my childhood. She was saying they should just call it "The Last Supper" cause that's all you need.

Should I be shocked and appalled at my own dream?

Or should I be getting on the phone with Colt 45's marketing department?

Because plain Mayo is just too damn healthy...

2009-02-23T10:06:00.002-05:00

You can now step up to baconnaise. Supposedly it's kosher too. I don't know if I buy it. Not after getting burned by ball park's turkey franks this past weekend. Seconds after opening the pack, I thought to myself, these things smell disturbingly like regular hot dogs. A quick review of the ingredients revealed one of the main ingredients...BEEF STOCK. That's a dirty dog move ball park!

When in Portland...

2009-02-07T13:59:00.004-05:00

Be sure to visit Voodoo doughnut, the most creative and slightly perverted purveyor of deep fried circular goodness.

They serve everything from doughnuts dipped in chocolate rice crispies and filled with peanut butter to maple and bacon to one glazed in Nyquil. The shop has been featured on a few shows such as Bourdain's no reservation and most recently Man vs. Food.

The Man vs. Food did a quick pan shot of the dessert case and I was pretty such I saw a doughnut shaped like a wang. A quick visit to their menu reveals that there is indeed a cock-n-balls pastry...

As described on their menu...

Cock-n-Balls(Bachlorette party favorite, tripple cream filled, with your favorite saying written right on it. Comes in its own pink box. $4.95 Order ahead as supplies can be limited.)

Holy twig and berries! I am mildly shocked by such a creation, but also intrigued. Can you imagine slipping one of these into the anonymous dozen of dunkin donuts in the break room? The watching people's reactions when they open the box? It is sort of like tying a snake to the lid, and then scaring the bah-jeezus out of them when the snake pops out. It is just that this snake only has one eye.

Ug, bad joke, sorry couldn't resist. Anyhow despite the mule log, if ever I find myself in Portland, count me in for a visit to Voodoo and sign me up for the Memphis Mafia which involves (chocolate chips/banana/ peanutbutter).

The king would approve.

Take II

2009-02-06T16:47:00.004-05:00

My second attempt. Maybe I should read up on logo design before cranking away on these, but they are fun exercises in getting to know PPT 2007's capabilities (although I am pretty sure this sort of thing could be done in the older versions as well).

Shout out to the wagon mafia. Woot Woot!

Unintended Usage

2009-02-05T16:25:00.002-05:00

One of the things that I am fairly certain of is that when Billy Bob Gates offered up PowerPoint, he did not intend it to be used to create digital graffiti. Here is my shoddy 5 minute attempt at creating a logo for the blog I never update.

If I weren't so damn lazy I would...

A) update this thing more often

B) have found a better solution here

C) have found B sooner instead of waiting until after creating the logo above to do a google search on graffiti (as a spell check, it is one of those words I can never remember the correct spelling of...is it grafetti? grafiti? graffiti?)

D) use an actual dictionary for spell checks

Lazy lazy topic15, not doing a damn thing, ya know what I mean!

Sizzlelean, drama queen, pack up your bacon and split the scene

Oh SNAP spontaneous rap song dropping on your bean

Burrito, neato, potayto patahto

This rhyme is 4th of july hot-oh

Snap, yeah that's twice in the same song

It's ok, helps to make it long

like this week

which is weak

like my lack of posting

so here's toasting

to another year of random roasting.

Sweet.

Da Juice is loose!

2009-02-05T15:20:00.003-05:00

Holy criznap!

I saw Joose's newest offering at our local 7-11, Dragon Joose which weighs in at a stout 9.9% ABV. My curiousity may get the better of me and I may have to break down and try it. Although the last time I sampled such a bevvie (a competitive brand called tilt) I go wicked revv'd up and started to sound a bit like John Moschitta Jr. AKA the micro machine guy...

From Hero to Ziro

2009-02-01T10:07:00.002-05:00

A few nights ago I had the distinct pleasure of watching "The Clone Wars." If you saw the this movie, you are thinking that last statement is a lie. You are partially right. I use pleasure in a relative term and this movie was relatively more pleasurable than the original "Casino Royale."

About three quarters of the way through Casino Royale, I turned it off, as I discovered it is not really a movie, but more of some sort of brain washing mechanism ala LOST or Clockwork Orange. I threw in the towel at the scene where a UFO descended in London to caputure Bond's daughter and took her to an underground base in the middle of the ocean, being run by Woody Allen. It was awful, but had the saving grace of a fantastic Herb Alpert theme song that some of you might recognize.

But I digress from the topic du jour...

The hot mess of the clone wars was pretty bloody awful. Then we got to meet Jabba the Hut's uncle, Ziro the hut, who I was pretty sure was a pimp. He is purple, wears gold, runs a gentlemen's type club in the "downtown" section of Courasant (sp?). He spoke in a stoned pimpish kinda of voice with a bit of a lisp that reminded a bit of how the American Dream Dusty Roads used to sound. I thought it all was pretty funny, but that was just the tip of iceberg.

When trying to track down a picture of said pimp, I stumbled across an entire wikipedia style site dedicated to Star Wars (which if I were to make a guess probably has content equal to, possibly in excess of the wikipedia site that covers everything). On that site I read some commentary and insight and speculation that I will attempt to summarize below...

In keeping with the theme of horribly offensive stereotype aliens (Jar-Jar-Binks being a homey, Watto being Jewish, that group of enemies with asian accents) the decided to bring in Ziro, an over-the-top flaming homosexual. This move has caused quite a stir.

I dunno, I am sticking with the pimp explaination. Regardless I do concur with the fact that it was placed on Maxim's list of WTF moments of Summer Movies of 2008.

One Giant Step Backwards...

2009-01-19T20:31:00.001-05:00

So, this week's circular for Giant food features a nice plate of chicken wings to go with your Obama Yes we Can pennant.

That's just plain wrong!

Three words you don't want to hear while on a plane...

2009-01-16T10:06:00.002-05:00

Brace for impact.

Yesterday a US Airways flight went down into the Hudson river thanks to a flock of kamikaze geese who flew straight into its engines.

The pilot tried to return to the airport but was unable to make it, and had to set it down in the Hudson and did so safely. Turns out I actually know a guy who was on the flight, a former classmate from middle school. So I am glad that all turned out well.

I am less pleased with a snippet about the incident from CNN...

"We circled around ... the captain came on and said, 'Look, we're going down. Brace for impact.' Everyone looked at each other and we said our prayers. I said about five Hail Marys," said the 31-year-old Norwalk, Connecticut, resident, who was en route to Charlotte to play golf.
But the water hazard he faced was unlike any he'd encountered on a golf course.

C'mon! Is that last sentence even necessary? CNN, who do you think you are? Fox news?

Tool time

2009-01-14T11:58:00.002-05:00

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flatmetal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shit'

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in theirholes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creationof blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off boltheads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays isused as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

I thought it looked familiar...

2009-01-06T15:23:00.001-05:00

The new Acura TL bares a striking resemblance to the far too short lived VW Fast mascot...

The Bipolar Advantage

2009-01-02T14:48:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year you Hooligans!

I hope everyone had a merry Christmas and got their fill of the holiday trifecta...food, family and fun.

So here is a funny holiday tale, probably better told over a nice winter lager than through a post or an IM, but we'll see how it translates bloggityblog-style.

Some say Topic15 can be difficult to shop for.

I do not necessarily disagree, as it is more common than not that I have no clue what I want until I see it. And unless I am out lookin for fun gifts, my top-of-mind wish list tends to be pretty spartan. I do, however, mark things off on Amazon when I come across something fun that I would like to find under the tree.

After requesting gift ideas for yours truly, I directed my parents to said amazon wish list, which is loaded with DJ stuff, Video games, Martial Arts gear, Audio/video goodies, cooking supplies, and John Deere branded swag. I would like to think it is a pretty clear marker and would be readily associated with me (as it is all the random, yet interesting stuff I like).

Fast forward to 6.2 ounce baby Jesus's birthday. I was opening gifts and came across several money things I had tagged...Season 1 of Prison Break, After Dark: New York Revisited CD, Polo black cologne, John Deere sweats and they I hit a curveball...a book titled "The Bipolar Advantage."

Hmmmmmmmm. One of these things is not like the others.

I scrambled and took mental stock of recent converstations I had with the parents. Did they mention such a book as a good read? Did I absent-mindedly suggest that would be just the thing I needed to find under the tree?

No and no.

Turns out there is another wish list housed under my full name, but does not belong to me.

This digital doppleganger belongs to somewho who shares little more than a similar name, as evident by the types of things padding out their wish list, including but not limited to 8-10 different kinds of wrist watches (I don't wear a wrist watch nor desire to), 8 pages of books with at least 6 dedicated to learning how to speak chinese (love the food, no interest in learning the lingo) and a few other total odd odds and ends culminating with a book that maps a strategy for hope to cope with day to day life when you suffer from Bipolar Disorder.

Excerpt from chapter 1:

Daily checklist for success Part 1: Did you get out of Bed?

Sounds like a real page turner! Only to really bring the heat with chapter 1 part 2:

Did you at least visually inspect your teeth?

Try to control your excitement!

Quantitatively speak there is relatively quite a lot that is just plain wrong here...

First let's just deal with the issue of 2 lists--2 owners -- 1 name...As previously mentioned, I would like to believe even a cursory review of these lists would quickly give one a pretty good sense of who's list belongs to who (in case there was any question or doubt).
Now let's focus on the fact that items where purchased from both lists (this indicates both lists were reviewed and erases the possibility of just buying off the wrong list (not realizing there was another more relevant one).
Most questionable is the item purchased off the wrong list...a book on How to live with Bipolar Disorder...a book purchased by a mother for her son...a book purchased by a mother who is a licensed clinical social worker and no stranger to identification of individuals who suffer from bipolar disorder for her son (who now questions if he is bipolar)

Qualitatively speaking there is a lot that is right here (and the explanation that I will choose to believe)

When faced with the possibility of me having multiple lists, she was simply doing motherly diligence and covering off boths lists (after all I got a whole mess of things from the right list and just that one weird book from the wrong list).
It makes for one hell of a funny story, which far exceeds the macro enjoyability (ie joy of others not just me) all of the other material gifts received (regardless of whether they were from the right or wrong list).

Whatever the reason, it was a pretty great holiday.

OHM

2008-12-18T14:39:00.002-05:00

I stumbled across a post feature the art of Tomas Schneider on a tech blog. I like this piece but some of his other works are really twisted (in a good way).

It's interesting to read about his source of inspiration which he describes as "a tiny space between the conscious realm and subconscious sleep, the wake of life, or the slipstream of consciousness." He also mentions this space as being linked to the origins of mythologies and where the mind slips into dreamtime which makes me wonder if there is not a connection between his work and that of the aborigines.

"Aboriginals believe in two forms of time; two parallel streams of activity. One is the daily objective activity, the other is an infinite spiritual cycle called the "dreamtime", more real than reality itself. Whatever happens in the dreamtime establishes the values, symbols, and laws of Aboriginal society. It was believed that some people of unusual spiritual powers had contact with the dreamtime." quote from the film The Last Wave (courtesy of Wikipedia).

Some of you thought the birdhouse was a joke...

2008-12-06T12:11:00.002-05:00

Well the jokes on you! Cause sho'nuff I did build a birdhouse.

Let me 'splain...

For whatever reason, our townhouse is like the filet mignon of wood, for woodpeckers and a while back, woody bored a quarter-sized hole into the side of our house. That wasn't so bad, but then a squirrel thought, hey that looks alike a nice place to live, a bit small, but you know, with some renovations it might not be so bad. So the squirrel chewed a fist sized hole into the opening and decided to put in a back door for good measure.

My first solution was to temporarily fill the hole with expansion foam. I did. And the squirrel chewed it's way back in. My next solution, was a bit redneck, but acceptable in the short term. I simply hammered a piece of wood over the hole, like boarding up an abandoned squirrel flop house. I figure that would be ok until I had time to fix the problem the right way.

Well that was like a year ago. On my priority of things updating my blog supersedes home repairs, and you see how often I get around to updating this thing nowadays. In the summer, I thought, it's too hot to deal with this. Now we are in winter I am saying, that is the perfect summer project. After downing a big ole cup of piping hot realism, I decided that chances are good that this fix may not happen for quite a while. At the same time, I am really tired of that hillbilly piece of wood hanging on the side of the house. I am sure the neighbors are luvin what it does to our block's property values. Hell, I might as well get a camaro and set it up on blocks out front.

A few weeks ago, ghetto genius struck and I decided on a slightly more elegant solution. Much less redneck, far more rugged outdoorsy...obviously still in the same family, but far distant cousins, sort of like how Unilever owns both Ben & Jerry's and Slimfast.

Readers of topic15, I proudly present the great birdhouse cover up of 2008!

What did you do on your birthday topic 15?

2008-12-05T12:19:00.003-05:00

Ate some cake, made a birdhouse, hung out with this guy...

We went to the fantastic national harbor and saw the fantastic Kooza. Randomly, this robot guy named Heimloss would pop up out of the stage and hold up an announcement or just look around. Well that's the french canadian circus for ya! Good fun nonetheless.

Ok, so I may have embellished the status of National Harbor. I think it has the potential to be awesome, but right now, it is basically a swank hotel/convention center, a swank parking garage, a swank harley dealership and a swank bunch of "coming soon" signs. Probably worth a revisit come summer though.

And then there's this...

2008-12-03T15:19:00.001-05:00

Counter Strike vs. Van Gogh Mash Up

2008-12-03T11:01:00.001-05:00

Wow, now this is an interesting example of the application of a Mash-up to art and video games. It is a custom map someone developed for the game Counter Strike based on the artwork of Van Gogh.

Origins

2008-12-02T23:38:00.002-05:00

Pretty cool clip from the graffiti documentary "Bomb it!" where Shepard Fairey discusses the origin of the Obey the Giant campaign...

You can tell I am tough by the coffee that I drink: Questionable Brand Extension Part II

2008-12-02T11:02:00.003-05:00

While doing some doo rag shopping at a local Harley Dealership, I spotted yet another blatant exploitation of a strong brand to push a totally unrelated product, Harley Davidson Coffee.

Can someone please enlighten me on WTF bikes and coffee have to do with one another?

A lil ML History...

2008-11-25T16:01:00.003-05:00

After seeing this...

I decided to see if I could find any interesting tidbits on Colt. I came up short on that end, but did find another interesting read here.

Below is my favorite passage...

The leading malt liquor brand at the time was Olde English, which was kind of Olde School, and Wessinger sought a way to appeal to drinkers who wanted something other than their father's malt liquor. He created St. Ides. Tropical breezes blew the palm trees pictured on the St. Ides label and gave it a kind of St. Barts, St. Kitts, West Indies attitude. (In addition, the name held meaning for the devout; St. Ides was a fifth-century Irish nun who worked miracles and foretold the future, although probably not this one.)

In the late 1980's, Wessinger heard Hip Hop artists singing about malt liquor in their songs. Singing about Olde English, "O E," now several owners away from its birthplace in Duluth, and about his own St. Ides, "the S.T. Crooked I." But Wessinger did not succumb to corporate thinking, which would have said, "Let's have our ad agency produce radio commercials that sound like this Hip Hop." Wessinger was smarter. He commissioned real Hip Hop stars to create the spots, from the sidewalk up.

The resulting songs, recorded and played in the early 1990's, are the stuff of legend. As one writer noted, they "blew the funk up." Artists included King Tee, DJ Pooh, E-Swift and Snoop Doggy Dogg. The work increased St. Ides sales by 25%, and incidentally made St. Ides the malt liquor of choice among white college students. But black and white malt liquor drinkers were not the only listeners. Almost from the beginning, community leaders and public health advocates were outraged by the lyrics. O'Shea Jackson, rapping as Ice Cube, urged his listeners to, "Get your girl in the mood quicker, get your jimmy thicker, with St. Ides malt liquor."

What a product promise! The community could only stand about four more years of that. At one point, public outcry led to the federal government's suspending all St. Ides advertising for three days. That showed 'em! The campaign ended after production of 30 radio spots. The use of sex to sell malt liquor would continue, but Ice Cube had planted the flag on a peak that might never be scaled again.

(Lost in the hue and cry was the fact that Ice Cube's lyric was clearly a lettered homage to poet Ogden Nash, the 20th century American master of light verse, whose poem "Reflections on Ice-Breaking" reads in its entirety:

Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
For bringing a 1940's New Yorker magazine feel to the malt liquor milieu, we bid hail to thee, Ice Cube.)

While some Hip Hop artists were getting paid to sell St. Ides, others were not amused. Carleton Ridenhour, rapping as Chuck D with the group Public Enemy, denounced malt liquor in his song ''One Million Bottlebags.'' His very public stand against malt liquor made the appearance of his voice in a 1992 St. Ides radio spot all the stranger. The producer of a St. Ides ad had sampled a snippet of Chuck D from ''Bring the Noise.'' Even though the spot was withdrawn from airplay as soon as the sampling was protested, Mr. Chuck filed a $5 million lawsuit against the McKenzie River Corporation. ''It's unconscionable,'' noted the rapper's attorney, Lisa Davis. ''He has taken a very strong position against malt liquor, and these ads make him look like a hypocrite.'' In the end, a seven-figure settlement smoothed Chuck's ruffled feathers.

SUPER-ROO

2008-11-19T10:48:00.000-05:00

The jokes on you!

2008-11-19T10:20:00.002-05:00

Well technically I guess the joke is on me.

Let me 'splain.

For whatever reason, everytime I go to Borders I feel compelled to root through the bargain book bins. Perhaps it is because I feel that all books deserve a good home. Perhaps it is because I am a cheap bastard. Either way it is just how I roll.

On my last trip I found a real gem....Adult Only Practical Jokes and an absolute steal for a mere $4.99. I figured it would be a great resource in trying to come up with some good pranks for around the office.

Unfortunately, there was good reason this book was marked down. The 90% practical jokes are bloody awful. And the last 10% are a toss up between poor jokes and just plain being cruel.

Here are a few examples...

The Welshman
Pretend to be Welsh by putting coal dust behind your ears, talking jibberish and singing all the time.

Mondays
Brighten up dull Monday mornings at work by concealing a bottle of Vodka in your jacket pocket and taking sigs from it at regular intervals throughout the day.

Water Anybody
Ask a friend if they would like a drink of water, but instead give them PowerAde.

As if you couldn't guess those are example of the awful ones.

Some of the cruel ones include...

Blind Relatives
Increase blind relatives utility bills by switching all of their lights on.

Shocking
Run a wire from one of the spark plug wires at the distributor cap through the firewall, under the carpet/floor map, and under the driver's seat. Bare 1/4 inch of wire and wrap it under the seat so that the bare end is as close as possible to the victim's butt when they are seated in the car. When they start th car they should get quite a nice charge.

Out of town
Wait for neighbors to leave for a vacation and tape Police Line Do Not Cross tape all over the door and place fake blood on the door know and bloody foot prints leaving the house. This works best when the neighbors have children who stayed at home during their trip.

30 Rock it like its hot...

2008-11-07T15:32:00.006-05:00

When confronted about not paying Jenna for her role as a voice actor in his game Wang Slayer, and why he should Tracy Morgans pulls out the money response of...

"Noblesse Oblige - yes! Let's go shopping - to the Batmobile!"

I don't know if this is tied in to contemporary politics or not, but given the nature of the writers on the show, I might argue that it is (or that it more IS than AIN'T).

According to wiki wiki pedia...

"Noblesse oblige" is generally used to imply that with wealth, power and prestige come responsibilities.

The phrase is sometimes used derisively, in the sense of condescending or hypocritical social responsibility. In American English especially, the term has also been applied more broadly to those who are capable of simple acts to help another, usually one who is less fortunate.

In ethical discussion, it is sometimes used to summarize a moral economy wherein privilege must be balanced by duty towards those who lack such privilege or who cannot perform such duty. Finally, it has been used recently primarily to refer to public responsibilities of the rich, famous and powerful, notably to provide good examples of behaviour or to exceed minimal standards of decency.

Given the nature of my master's thesis, The Profitability of Socially Responsible Business, I would tend to agree with this tenet, at least to a degree. For sure, there are many examples of folks who give back (and have more than enough to do so...cough cough Bill Gates).

The real issue comes into play when this is forced upon those with means. And who decides what the threshold of said means are to gain entry into the NO club and what sort of membership fees they should pay. Given my lack of financial baller status, I think I am far from being effected. But if I were a baller, a shot caller, a little bit taller, I don't think I would mind kicking a little something back, and solidify my status of a man of the people. I mean how many sets of rims and iced out grills do I really need after all?

Anyhow, this is just a long winded post to say, I know what you are saying, without saying it 30 Rock and whereas the comment probably went unnoticed by most, I dig it as much as Who Dat Ninja.

Who needs drugs when you have strawberry pancakes?

2008-11-07T09:45:00.002-05:00

I watched this before going to bed last night and had some of the most F'd up dreams one could imagine.

I'll try to summarize...

I was at some sort of rehearsal dinner that was being held next to the fountains at King's Dominion. Tim Gunn was at my table and he was drinking that watermelon beer I wrote about last summer. I was impressed, thinking that both TG and I endorsed this fine beverage.

Our dinner was the same feast featured on last night's episode of survivor. At the end, there was still alot of food left on everyone's plates. TG suggested we bust our own tables since the King's Dominion Staff are in their off season. Then Tim Gunn threw everyone's plates into the fountain.

But wait, here is where things really get strawberry pancake trippy...

Tim Gunn then yells at Tim Gunn (yes there are 2 at this point, an evil Tim Gunn ETG and a good Tim Gunn GTG).

GTG says "Stop that! You have no idea what you are doing! For heaven's sake there is poultry on our plates and the ducks and geese in the fountain are eating it and that is avian cannabalism!"

ETG says "It doesn't matter, ducks and geese are animals and don't have souls."

GTG says "Well, according to the bible yes, but what about the Cubans? If the Cubans see this happening we won't get the vote for another forever years. Quick get those dishes out of the fountain before the Cubans see."

That's all that I can remember and quite honesty I think that is enough to make the point.

That Strawberry Pancake video is pretty much virtual acid.

What did the 5 fingers say to Bush?

2008-11-06T13:43:00.000-05:00

Change is coming...

Well crap...

2008-11-05T13:28:00.001-05:00

I guess I don't need to read any more.

I swear those were the only books I really enjoyed reading.

Now I am back to Entertainment Weekly.

You're going down woody!

2008-11-04T16:59:00.002-05:00

Our house has been under attack by a subversive woodpecker, not once, not twice, but thrice.

The second incident left a whole about the size of a quarter in our house. That was until a squirrel thought that would be the good makings for a nest and ate a fist sized hole into the side of the house (currently covered by a ghetto piece of wood, abandoned building style, until I get some free time and a big ass ladder to fix it).

The most recent incident is at the tippy top of our chimney and is probably the size of a babies fist. I gave that bird fair warning that if he came back, I was gonna bust a cap. Last weekend I found the wife outside through stones at the house.

A few hours later, I was the proud owner of this.

On the same shopping trip I also bought Baklava and attempted to buy some beer.

Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) the beer I was after (Sam Adams Chocolate Bock) was unavailable.

I can't help but wonder if the databanks at homeland security don't red flag someone who buys beer, baklava and a pellet gun in the same day.

You wouldn't like my flash drive if it's angry...

2008-11-03T09:59:00.002-05:00

I watched the Ed Norton version of The Incredible Hulk this weekend and have to say it was better than expected.

Most of all, I liked some of the subtle nods laced throughout the film, Lou Ferrigno (the original Hulk) as a security guard, the purple pants Liv Tyler buys Norton, and the Starks Industry technology at the beginning (less subtle is when Starks actually shows up at the end).

My biggest bone to pick deals with a scene where Norton is on the run and needs to hide his flash drive. Naturally he eats it. I had to ask, how would a flash drive survive such an environment? No way the data would not be corrupt after that.

Meanwhile, my wife asked, what is that weird noise the dryer is making. I figured it was some loose change, but it sounded more like a roll of pennies than a loose lincoln.

I opened the dryer only to find my flash drive from work. Nice a shiny after a trip through the washer and dryer. Oh Great, there goes MY data.

Anyhow, I just plugged it in to my laptop and low and behold, everything is fine.

Ain't that something?

This is why the Numark CDX CD players ARE BEAST!

2008-10-27T10:19:00.001-04:00

This isn't necessarily how I would use them (I'm not a scratch DJ) but it does a great job showing the responsiveness of the CD decks and how well they approximate vinyl.

Yes, those are CD players. Don't let the vinyl platter fool you. That is there for one reason and one reason only, to give vinyl DJ's the input they are used to.

Did you know...

2008-10-27T09:59:00.002-04:00

I'm not speaking from direct experience, but rather from an article I read in Car and Driver...

You can be charged with DUI for all kinds of unusual behavior. Here are some of the wackiest DUI arrests Total DUI has encountered:

When a 42-year-old man crashed a go-cart into a parked car on a public street, he was charged with DUI, fined $1,000, and given a two-year driver's license suspension.

Two Portage, Indiana women were charged with DUI after pushing a vehicle into a parked car. After the arrest, they were given blood alcohol tests to determine their blood alcohol contents. Both had BACs more than double the legal limit!

In Morristown, NJ, a man driving a zamboni around the Mennen Sports Arena ice rink was charged with DUI.

A charge of felony DUI resulted for a man in Vermont who decided to hop on his riding lawnmower while intoxicated.

Bill Murray, of Caddyshack fame, was arrested in Sweden after driving a golf cart to a restaurant while drunk. Murray refused a breath test, but could face jail time depending on his blood test results.

It also said that riding a bike or a horse while sauced could qualify as DUI.

The Happening is not

2008-10-24T15:34:00.002-04:00

Save yourself the 90 minutes.

The best part*, by far, is the following line...

Marky mark as Main Character Elliot Smith who is a science teacher confronted by chaos and people going straight banoodles and demanding that he rise up, and tell them the plan to deal with said chaos....

All right, be scientific, douchebag. Identify the... rules... design the experiment... careful observation, measurements, that's what I'm trying to do, interpret the experimental pattern, interpret...

*it really isn't even that good. But I enjoyed it as I work in market research and enjoy a good Mark Wahlberg film as much as the next guy.

M. Night Shamalammadingdong, you are slippin, son!

Racebook er Facebook

2008-10-23T10:02:00.003-04:00

The FB experiment just got a little bit more interesting and perhaps disturbing...

Maybe I baited the hook a bit here, but shortly after joining facebook, I joined a group within facebook that shares a common interest in the proud consumption of fiscally responsible beverages. This group is called "I drink ole english 800 and am not ashamed to admit it."

Shortly thereafter, I started getting ads like this piped in...

Yes, an ad asking "Is your credit whack?"

I dunno seems a tad bit shady to me. Why not go ahead and pipe in an ad for an escalade full of fried chicken while your at it racebook!

I also signed up to be a member of the John Deere fan club and shudder to think of the forthcoming ads for Skoal and DIY crystal meth labs.

Oh facebook, you so crazy!

Now it is time to start gaming the system to see what kind of off color ads I might be able to summon.

Wings SON!

2008-10-21T08:30:00.000-04:00

Going, Going, Gone...

2008-10-19T15:54:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago me and the wife took a trip to go see her pops. While there he gave her a pretty cool gift, an 4 panel photo featuring a pint of Guinness progressing from full to empty.

At the precise moment I laid my eyes on that art, I knew what had to be done, replicate it with a 40.

So last night while hanging out with some friends, we enjoyed a nice dinner of fried chicken and various kinds of competitive beverages. The result is the picture above. For the first 4 pictures, I took great care not to disturb the environment of the shot. This called for the creation of an "I drink your OE milkshake" device (i.e. three super long straws from Popeye's taped together. This allowed me to consumer the beverage without moving the bottle.

I once heard that if you drank beer through a straw you got drunker faster. I think last night may have supported that claim. As I was prepping for the last shot, all my dedicated efforts went right out the door. As I was finishing the 40 I was appalled to see that it was no longer on the table, but in my right hand.

Shazbot! so much for consistent placement. And if you look closely, you can see an Ice Cube cd which mysterious appears in the last shot. I hate to burst your bubble. It is not some ghetto voodoo reward, whereas a gangsta rap cd magically appears after you finish your 40. Rather, my dumbass put it there not thinking about wrecking the shot.

Speaking of wrecking shots, I am pretty sure that is not a UFO in the upper righthand corner of the last shot. No, that is probably my sausage finger getting in the way.

Hooray.

Anyhow, the great thing is that I can chalk all of the above up to being artistic. Yes, that's the ticket.

Fair is Fair

2008-10-17T11:06:00.002-04:00

A few posts back I was on the fence about Everlast's cover of Folsom Prison Blues, and for me it will continue to be one of those continually unresolved questions.

I like the idea.

I like the concept for the video.

I am sure I would have gone totally apey if he dropped that unexpectedly at a concert.

I like that the Cash clan backed the project 100%.

But there is something about the execution (especially in the video) the dances dangerously close to the minature pony territory covered in the previous post.

SO I am still on the fence.

However, I will say to not let that stand in the way of checking out the rest of the album. There are a couple of really interesting tracks. Some seem to approach a very loungey almost Groove Armada style ambient sound. A good example is Ocean.

The cool thing about Everlast is that he is not overly concerned with being wedded to one musical style. He likes to experiment and cross genre lines. His musical career has progressed quite a bit from his House of Pain roots.

Saddle up!

2008-10-15T15:15:00.002-04:00

So this pic probably needs some 'splainin, and more detail beyond my good friend MC going for a ride on a minature pony.

About a week or two ago I got a call from MC, he was in Midway on a layover flying home for his little brother's wedding. During the conversation he filled me in on some of the details regarding the wedding. I was with him till about point 4.b...

1) Groom wanted an olde school (yeah old with an e) style 1900's british tea party theme, complete with pin striped tuxes with tails, white gloves, canes and top hats.

2) In keeping with point #1 he wanted an officiant with a british accent, the thicker and less understandable the better. He somehow managed to find one.

3) Expresso bar

4) Hired a classical flutist and harp player

4b) Said musicians were only allowed to play arrangements of the grooms favorite Cartoon themes and songs (i.e. Ren & Stimpy's happy happy joy joy)

5) Hire a dozen or so minature ponies to roam the ground during the ceremony and reception

While I'm not sure exactly where the point is, I am sure that somewhere between 4b and 5, the line between personal touches and straight up fucking with people gets crossed.

Eitherway, all the guests got free mini pony rides, and the is more than I can say for a few of the weddings I have been to in my time.

Happy Birthday Trapper Keeper!

2008-10-13T11:07:00.002-04:00

Wii Jesus H! Would you believe me if I told you that trapper keeper is almost old enough to drink?

And would you believe me if I told you that they are still going strong?

Egregious Brand Extension

2008-10-13T10:50:00.002-04:00

WTF does John Deere have to do with fruit flavored snacks?

I work with "brand" on a daily basis, and this has to be one of the most blatantly bat shit crazy examples of brand extension I have seen in a while, but given that I like John Deere, I like fruit flavor snacks, and I really like the random Will Ferrell-esque combination (you know, they go together naturally, like midgets and q-tips) I will let this one slide.

I swiped this photo from some dude's flickr account and got a double score in their observation and linkage to JD's slogan...Nothing Runs Like a Deere. Said flickr dude noted, you might want to pick up some Immodium along with that. And you know, he is right. Those snacks are chuck full of Vitamin C, and I am pretty sure too much vitamin c = the trots. Oh wait, was that a line there? Did I just cross it? Sorry about that.

Now I have been somewhat critical of these snacks so far and in all fairness, they are simply intended to be the male counterpart to the Dora the explora fruit snacks located right next to the John Deere's. The thing is, couldn't the creatives come up with something a little bit more comparable? Like GI Joe? Or transformers? Or Go-bots for pete's sake?

Go-bot fruit flavored snacks would be MONSTER! I bet Urban Outfitters would even sell them (probably for $19.99 a box).

Hmmmmmmmmm, when did the copyright expire on Go-bots again???????

There's drunk...

2008-10-09T17:11:00.002-04:00

and then there is DEEEEEEE-runk!

I think this case falls into the latter.

In case you don't feel like chasing that link, I'll summarize. The article is about a 50 year old man who got so royally shitfaced, he had to take a bus home. After getting off the bus he went to his house, ate a crab cake, then went to bed.

Only he got off at the wrong bus stop.

So the house he went into, and said crab cake that he ate, belonged to someone else, total strangers.

These strangers came home after a nice dinner at a chinese buffet and the mother started questioning the son about the mess in the kitchen and whether he ate the crab cake. He denied the claim.

The father then wandered upstairs into his bedroom and turned on the lights only to discover a strange pantless man sleeping in their bed.

The police were called to sort this whole goldie locks and the three bears mess out and in the end, it was all just a misunderstanding.

That has to be the most liberal use of misunderstanding I have seen in a long time.

The article did not mention the offender's name a no charges were pressed, but I have my theories. Isn't David Hasselhoff in town for the knight rider convention?

Co-worker banter

2008-10-02T17:09:00.004-04:00

I was cleaning out my email and came across a rather jovial exchange from a while back and given that a) I am a totally unoriginal bastard these days and b) I am a totally forgetful bastard these days (I may have posted this in the past but don't recall and c) with regard to points A and B I am a totally indifferent bastard, here it goes...

(To set the stage we used to have office gangs, based on which side of the building you were sitting, it was a very scary, dangerous, dark and misogonystic time).

K-Dubs AKA K-Weezy AKA KW: West Side is the best! Down with East side!

R to the I AKA RI: Only women sit on the west side.
(note: at the time, anytime we would want to bring someone down or through salt in their game, we would emasculate their accomplishment by adding Only women INSERT ACCOMPLISHMENT).

KW: Damn, beat T15 to it!

T15: Only women beat T15 to it.

KW: Oh Snap!!!!!

T15: Only women use five exclamation points.

RI: Only women notice the use of exclamation points.

T15: I would say Touche, but only women say Touche. Consequently, sit on it.

RI: Only women would want to say touche but not say it cuz they think only a woman would say it. (Now its getting increasingly complex) Yeah, I know . . . only women make things increasingly complex.

KW: Only women are observant enough to notice complexities. Men would just say it's that time of the month and start singing the Transformer's theme song while getting chewed out for the previous comment.

If you had to choose to be a transformer which one would you be?? ***No choosing to be the one that is like 5 different ones joined together (Dino-bots, Contructa-bots, etc.)

T15: Only someone who wants to be a women transformer would try and change the nature of this email thread...

KW---->

RI: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I almost peed in my pants!! YEah I know, only women almost pee in their pants.

Thankfully we have come out of the dark ages and our email exchanges have improved in their content.

Well no, not really.

KW and RI left and with them the frat boy humor fostered by an office full of young bucks.

*sigh* time to go file my TPS report.

Origins

2008-09-30T11:28:00.002-04:00

I found a pretty cool article on the origins of Old Crow Medicine Show.

Here is an excerpt which references their old timey sound, relative to other styles...

In fact "old-time" music is so called because it predates the recording industry that named it. To the modern ear, old-rime sounds a little like sped-up, drunken children's songs-it plunks and scurries and trips. It's a little dirty, clumsy. It falls apart just enough. If bluegrass is a sturdy, groomed horse, old-time is a mule. (New hot country would be a painted carousel pony.) It's akin to punk rock; it has the same sophisticated lack of refinement, the same defiant authenticity.

You can read the rest of the article here.

Da' Show!

2008-09-29T10:57:00.002-04:00

This past weekend marked the opening of Studio 23's Mixtape Art Exhibition, of which T-15 was a humble, yet kick ass contributor.

The location of the exhibit is at in an industrial section adjacent to downtown richmond in an old converted warehouse call plant zero. It's a pretty cool setup as they have parsed the warehouse into a number of 50 or so smaller private studios for local artists. Our stop was at Studio #23 (as if you couldn't have guessed that already).

There were a handful of folks taking in the exhibit which included 34 entries, one of which was an actual mixtape (as opposed to the 33 other mix CDs). I am pretty sure the entry instructions called for a digital format, so I was shocked that an artist failed to conform to the requirements.

Artists!

The entries were as varied as their creators, but mine was clearly the best (not that I am biased or anything). I really wanted to execute against a concept that was more than just a bunch of songs I like and some artwork. That would be too easy and boring. So after kicking some idea's around with trick tickla, the Nobody loves Billie Jean concept came to be.

1 Song done 10 different ways and in a somewhat logical progression (i.e. starting with the original R&B, followed by a New Jack Swing version, followed by a Hip Hop version, followed by a Dance club version, followed by an electronica version, followed by a dub/reggae version, followed by a jazz version, followed by an alternative version, followed by a bluegrass version, followed by folk version).

The artwork mimic the replication/progression theme by tiling the original cover art from the single and progressively applying color filters.

And finally, the basic idea itself, of there being so many different versions of that song is pretty provocative in its own right.

Despite my leanings towards my own work, there were some pretty cool submission not born of t-15's creative loins.

My personal favorite was an album called "Dang! Songs Drunk White People Love." I will list the tracks in another post, but I bet if you are white, you like music, getting drunk and getting drunk & listening to music you could probably guess what all is on that list. The cover art had a bunch of whitey's dancing and was very fitting.

There was also a CD full of songs about pirates, scallywags and seagoing tales. Pirates = automatic win.

Another noteworthy entry featured acoustic versions of a number of songs. Great idea. I would have liked to seen them dig in the crates a bit deeper beyond Foo Fighter's Everlong (acoustic mix) though.

NET net was that it was a good time and I'm looking forward to next year's exhibit already.

I am sure I am a fan...

2008-09-25T21:54:00.002-04:00

I stumbled across Deadmau5 (pronounced dead mouse) on I-tunes and think he's got some pretty decent tracks.

Here is a link to a collaboration with Kaskade that has a haunting familiarity to a nice techy house track that for the life of me I can't remember the title. I think it was something that they used to play the living bejeezus out of on pandora. Anyhow his album Random Album Title has some nice selections that I will be downloading quite soon.

I am sure I am not a fan...

2008-09-24T11:49:00.002-04:00

WTF PETA?!?!?

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals sent a letter to Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, cofounders of Ben & Jerry's Homemade Inc., urging them to replace cow's milk they use in their ice cream products with human breast milk, according to a statement recently released by a PETA spokeswoman.

I am gonna go throw up in my mouth now at the prospect of my next pint of Chubby Hubby being made from some tree hugger's knockers.

Gross. Just plain gross.

I'm not sure I am a fan...

2008-09-23T23:07:00.001-04:00

But I'll share anyways...

Deja vu?

2008-09-23T11:47:00.002-04:00

I can't remember if I posted this previously or not. For sure I referenced it once or twice, but now I have the actual quote...

"When you tell somebody something, it depends on in what part of the United States you're standing in, as to just how dumb you are." Bo "Smokey" Darville (as played by Burt Reynolds in Smokey and the Bandit).

That quote is as simple as it is profound, as it alludes to the importance of context and the cultural value placed on knowledge.

Respect Yo Self!

2008-09-22T11:52:00.002-04:00

One more piece of information with regard to the post below. The night before the OCMS show we watched a documentary on the Stax record label called Respect Yourself.

It was decent and informative, but the really cool part was the linkage between the documentary and the concert. In the documentary, they tell of how all of the Stax artists would stay at the Lorraine motel in Memphis. And while many of their hits were penned there, that is not what people know the Lorraine for. The Lorraine was also the site of the assassination of Dr. MLK.

OCMS has a song, probably on their new album called Motel in Memphis and it is a ballad all about MLK, but it does not mention MLK. Thinking man's bluegrass? I like it!

On a totally unrelated note, I have a feeling that I will be totally lazy and unoriginal when it comes to my halloween costume this year. And this pretty much guarantees it.

Old Crow Medicine Show

2008-09-21T12:42:00.002-04:00

Old Crow Medicine Show is an interesting concept and a killer live show to say the least. As described by some as alternative bluegrass, they consist of 5 guys plucking various string instruments and singing folksy songs. The only atypical thing I can think of that qualifies them for alternative bluegrass vs plain ole vanilla bluegrass would be their age. They are relatively young and would look more like Good Charlotte than a bluegrass band.

Regardless their show was awesome and they have a new album dropping this week, so be sure to check it out.

Hurm. Maybe Hip Hop is not dead after all...

2008-09-12T16:56:00.002-04:00

Check out this group MHZ. Very nice. Very nice indeed.

Brings to mind a bit of the ole Pharcyde...

In other news, Onyx of all groups just had a new album drop. Who knew?!?!?

You have to see it to believe it...

2008-09-10T16:11:00.002-04:00

John McCain's wifey is nutters for drifting...

Michelle, you better start working on your DJ skills, as Cindy just raised the bar on being the coolest potential first lady.

Billie Jean gets around!

2008-09-04T15:15:00.002-04:00

So, the honorable Trick Tickla sent me this link to an Art exhibition honoring the art of the mixtape and suggested it was the sort of thing that might be right up my alley and ya know what, he was right.

We kicked around a few random ideas and he thought it would be funny to submit a mixtape with the same song over and over again. I admit, I like the concept, but chances are the artistic value of playing the same song 10 times over might be lost on some of the more low brow judges.

However, I saw the potential and I executed against what works and addressed the issue of sameness by locating no less than 10 different versions of MJ's Billie Jean, ranging in genres from R&B to Bluegrass and covering pretty much everything in between.

I then did my best AW knock-off of the album cover and SHAZAAM! I had an entry!

I'm not sure if they will accept my submission, but who knows. T-15 could very well be on the way to being a high faluting art house exhibitor.

Holla!

Gummi bears, bouncing here and there and cutting off ears...

2008-09-03T14:26:00.001-04:00

we are the absinthe gummi bears.

WHY BOTHER!

2008-08-20T10:56:00.002-04:00

Look, the whole idea of reinventing oneself is only worthwhile if you make yourself relevant again in a good way. I recently read an article in EW on one Fred Durst and his second coming. The one time bad boy face of the hip-hop rock front turned total douche bag after admitting his crush on Britney Spears talked of becoming a recluse (more or less), growing a beard and getting back to his true passion.

Ok sounds good (bonus points for the fancy old school fedora hat and matching Frank Sinatra rat pack suit he was wearing).

Then he got into talking about he big break. Working on Longshots with Ice Cube.

Way cool on face value, but dig even a millimeter and that facade turns to feces. Longshots is a family comedy about a girl who joins the football team as their quarter back. Another installment of Ice Cube's "you got to be F'n kidding me that that is the same guy from NWA" family friendly movies.

Lovely.

Just Lovely.

Mr T sez "Get some Nuts"

2008-08-10T20:05:00.000-04:00

A new ad, already banned...

You probably won't believe me...

2008-08-05T16:18:00.002-04:00

but last weekend, while in Frederick, I passed a McDonalds and at that McDonalds, in line at the drive through was a man in an electric wheel chair.

He wasn't trying to get to his car or just passing through.

He was in line, ordering an extra value meal in between a conversion van and a pick-up truck.

These are the sort of reasons why I should always have a camera handy.

What if George Lucas restored Singin' In The Rain?

2008-08-01T11:08:00.000-04:00

It's good to see that she is really strecthing herself...

2008-07-30T11:00:00.005-04:00

Interesting connections, no?

Check out Fergie's latest role.

I can't wait to see what's next...the lead role in a movie about a broad who ruins a really solid hip hop act?

Way to strech yourself, Fergusson, way to stretch yourself.

Disinformation Shirts

2008-07-26T13:30:00.003-04:00

While checking gmail, I saw a rather intriguing link to a site that sells disinformation shirts. It took me no less than 2 seconds to determine I really like the concept and might have to start churning out a few ideas of my own. In the meantime, here is an example of their handywork...