Drifting the night away

Well I learned a few things about drifting this weekend.

For those who don't know what drifting is, it is essentially driving like an A-hole around corners so that the a$$end of the car swings out and you glide through the corner all fast & furious style.

Anyhow, I signed up for US Drift 101, a course that teaches you the art and science of drifting.

What I didn't know, upon signing up, is that you are required to use your own car. Still I thought me and the 'ru would manage just fine.

Upon arrival, I saw that there were 26 other folks signed up for the course and no less than 20 of them were driving the same type of car, a Nissan 240 and one of the more fast and furious styled cars even had a fancy lil sticker across the windshield that read DRIFTING FOR JESUS. I am sure the son of God appreciates the effort.

Anyhow of the remaining 6 cars, mine was the only non-rear wheel drive car. Brilliant. Furthermore, as I pulled in to the lot, I noticed 90% of the cars were beaters and beyond that, the yahoo's were jacking up the rears to put sets of super schitty tires on. Me and the 'Ru got more that our fair share of comments which ranged from "Dude are you gonna drift the wagon? Ohhhhh Snap! That's just crazy!" to "This car is too nice for drifting, take it easy so you can drive home at the end of the day."

I heard the second comment from no less than 3 different instructors. I thought they were being nice until I saw some kid take his S2000 off the track only to loose 1/2 of the front bumper and part of the radiator to the lip (curb) of the track. Even worse, the oil pan plug got ripped out, and he drove the car off the track spewing oil, coolant and his pride. I am not sure how that conversation will go with the insurance company, but I am sure it will be interesting.

Anyhow, here are my key learnings:

Drifting takes skill and a capable and preferably non-daily driven car, of which I have neither.

However, when it comes to my go-kart, that's a whole nother story. I'll get that monster more sideways than a movie about wine and relationships.

And then there is this...

Target's mascot, Bullseye, acknowledges Charlize Theron's beauty and acting talent in a way that online a canine can, the red rocket salute.

I could have made a joke about Bullseye offering to help reapply her lipstick, but that would just be in poor taste.

Acid Trip

Check one more box off the nuptial to-do's as it looks as if we locked down a DJ for the festivities.

Melady found a rave review on da knot about a club dj who plays weddings on the side, and we arranged to go meet with her (yes a female dj, a tatted up one too).

We got to her place a little early, but she invited us in, nonetheless, claiming she would return to her project afterwards. Her project, as it turns out, was compiling a playlist for a Mash-up party she is playing at the Black Cat.

Curiosity got the best of me, so I asked "Are you making a playist of mash-ups or making the actual mash-ups?" It was the latter as she flipped open her laptop and played her project, a lil ditty blending Prince and Tom Jones.

I was sold, both on the DJ and the software.

I used 7,000 sony points that I have earned from 3 years of gym payments and my prepaid phone to redeem my very own copy of Sony Acid Studio, which I received just last night. No less that 2 hours out of the box, I had made my very first schitty mash-up, blending Soul2Soul's "Keep on Movin" with Suzanne Vega's "Tom's Diner."

I'd post it, but I don't know how and I don't have a myspace page, cause that's how I roll.

It's not so much a mash-up, save for 1 or 2 brief parts, as much as it is beatmatching and cutting back & forth between the two songs. Still the software is pretty damn hott and if I do say so myself a valiant first effort.

Ironically after my first experimentation with Sony Acid, I found myself having the strangest dream ever, something about the transmission of intelligence through energy...sort of like a wireless internet connection into your cabeza.

I think their may have been pudding involved too, which as it just so happens, is not only delicious, but holds the same consistency of grey matter according to one of my former psych professors, who liked to lecture about acid of all things.

Circle of life and all that jazz I suppose.

Anyone know where I can borrow a karaoke machine?

BREAKING NEWS *** Crack found in foam on shuttle's fuel tank

Marion Barry volunteers to remove the problem.

Ghost ride da whip!

It's basically the new cabbage patch but with a car.

Can't wait to ghost ride the go kart in a few weeks.

Evil Pleasures...

I really have no tolerance for slow people.

I'm not talkin about wearing a helmet slow, but people who impede my bidness in some way by taking there sweet ass time, like this is their world and I am just living in it.

Wrong!

So anytime I can get a little passive aggressive poke at these donkey punchers, I feel bad about the fact that I feel so good about my actions (ie cutting in front of a sunday driver in a parking lot and then getting an exponentially better parking space).

I had something like that happen about 30 minutes ago.

There are a couple of high profile weekends on deck, so melady and I decided it was time to upgrade ye olde camera. Some quick online research and comparison shopping and we found our choice (Sony DCS-W70) and best price (circuit city).

So we headed off to the store.

Why oh why is it when you are only looking around, the salesfolk are all up on your dillznik like white on rice, but when you have a legit question, it's a mutha-funkin' ghost town?

Anyhow, it really didn't matter cause we knew exactly what we wanted. The only problem was this entire family unit was blocking the display case like they owned the place, debating whether or not to buy the same damn camera we were there to get.

I guess the only thing they didn't bother discussing was the fact that there was only one camera left in the case and figured they could debate the matter until the cows come home.

Quickly we grabbed another worthless sales jabroni and got him to get the last one out of the case on the DL while the Waltons were looking the other way.

So after an excessive amount of jaw-jackin, they decided they wanted to buy, only we ended up with the last one in stock in hand, and took some twisted pleasure in watching the family's collective confused look as they tried and tried and find it. Even their sharp as a bowling ball sales associate kept looking and looking since the inventory showed just one more in stock.

Suckaz!

That's just how we roll. Either Get in & get out or get the F out the wayyyyyy!

So as soon as I sort out how this new fan-dangled contraption works, be on the look out for some hot new audio-video production-izzies!*

Barring any instant karmic retributions.

Speaking of Foil

Which side of Reynolds Wrap® Aluminum Foil should I use, the shiny or the dull side?

Actually, it makes no difference which side of the aluminum foil you use—both sides do the same fine job of cooking, freezing and storing food. The difference in appearance between dull and shiny is due to the foil manufacturing process. In the final rolling step, two layers of foil are passed through the rolling mill at the same time. The side coming in contact with the mill's highly polished steel rollers becomes shiny. The other side, not coming in contact with the heavy rollers, comes out with a dull or matte finish.

Totally radical!

Is it possible to distill an entire decade into a boardgame?

You bet your rubik's cube it can!

Never mind how the name pretty much sums up the Reagan era in a nice neon colored bow, check out the wrist bands on that Alex P. Keaton looking mutha.

Or the Magnum PI whip? Where's the helicopter with our black friend, TJ?

And nothing says 1980s more than windsailing and pin striped suits.

Ah conspicuous consumption at its best!

Foiled again!

Question:
How best do you welcome back a coworker from a week long jaunt
through italy?

Answer:
With 2 football fields worth of aluminum foil.

Are you for cereal?

I don't have a single coherent topic to write about, so here are a series of blogettes. Think of it as the kid's menu of blogging.

Went to the movies with my nephew this weekend and happened to catch a preview of this. Should I go see it or give $9.25 to a homeless man staple my eyes right now? The result is likely the same.

Speaking of wanting to staple my eyes, I saw 2 minutes of DateMovie this weekend. Like getting a full plate of general Tso's chicken at the mall eatery after trying the free sample, I should have known better.

Speaking of food, I found the ONE person in the ENTIRE world who prefers regular hamburger buns over potato roll hamburger buns. How is that even possible?

Speaking of impossibilities, Dulles received damn near half a foot of rain last night. The deluge was enough to send emergency response teams out with ambulances towing inflatable dinghies (is that how you spell the plural of Dinghy or is it Dinghai?) I saw two such occurences while travelling back from PA yesterday.

Speaking of travelling back from PA, Bud Light should feature Mr. Truck Stop Bathroom Grout Graffeti Artist as there next Real men of Genius. Has anyone else noticed this before? I will have to document and write a post of further susbtance exploring this topic at a later date.

Speaking of later dates, we are are roughly 1 month from the monster summer party. I called about the price of crabs and we are looking good at $90 per bushel. I also fired up the go kart last weekend and it is ready for its nex run in with Johnny Law.

I think that's about it for now.

PS you are not getting those 2 minutes back.

ever.

Gimme some of that ole timey psychology...

Here's the first installment of a fun lil series that will highlight researchers who kept it real.

Back before little things like ethics and IRBs got in the way of doing fun research like finding a baby named albert and banging pots and pans behind him everytime he saw a white mouse just to see if he would grow up to be afraid of santa clause's beard, you know important stuff.

Anyhow, first on my list is none other than Stanley Milgram, a real playa who's application to the psychology club AKA the American Psychology Association was put on hold due to the questionable ethics of his experiments.

He is probably most well know for his dabblings in obedience research, most notably the shock experiment, in which participants believed they were divided into two groups, learners and teachers (in actuality all participants were teachers and the learners were confederates* not the good ole boy kind, the hey we're in on the hustle kind).

So anyhow, teachers (shown as S below) were asked to read questions and learners (shown as A below) who were located in an adjacent room, were supposed to answer. For every wrong answer, the teacher was instructed to press a button on this fan-dangled contraption which delivered a variable shock to the learner. The device was a sham as well, but the participants didn't know that either (gullible ole participants!).

Now for the good stuff, the shock box (shown up top) had a dial ranging from 45 volts to, get this, XXX. With each wrong answer, the participant had to ratchet up the electric ante a notch or two, regardless of what the learner said (ie Stop this! Help! I don't want to participate any more! My heart, My heart! AAAAArARGHGGH *slump*).

When the teacher hesitated, the experimenter (shown as E above) would try and work his mental mack game and get the participant to continue, despite their better judgement.

The premise was to answer the question How far will people go, in terms of hurting others, when commanded to do so by an authoritative figure? On a short sidenote, the basis of the question stemmed from the atrocities of the Nazi's and people wondering how such acts could be done.

So how did this turn out?

More than two out of three people delivered the full shock monty and Peter Gabriel went on to write a song about it (no, not Shock the monkey, rather We do what we're told).

DIZAMN! That's like 67% doing the wrong thing 100% of the time!

It seems that a lab coat and clip board often trumped cries for help, feigned heart attacks, and even illusions of death.

If you want more details, you can peep them here.

Damn, Stanley, you'sa straight research gangsta and this blogs for you!

Now i am off to go buy a lab coat and clip board.

Rock it like Herbie Hancock

What else did I do this weekend?

1. Almost lost my GF's cat

Ooops!


2. Watched the Rock Paper Scissors world championship on the deuce (aka ESPN2)

What's next? Pencil fighting?


3. Played the new GTA

I almost played hooky today to continue my rampage through liberty city


4. Pondered the connection between the stockholm syndrome and katieholmes syndrome?

Falling in love with a kidnapper vs falling in love with a cradle robber?


5. Learned an interesting new phrase... myoclonic jerk.

Is that a new Steve Martin movie?

No, it's that sensation of falling and/or corresponding muscle spasm you get when you are drifting off to sleep. One interpretation is that your brain thinks your body is dying (it's not, it's only temporarily shutting down) and the brain sends out a quick pulse out to say "don't die, rather, get the F%#* up you lazy POS!"


6. Let a pseudo off color comment slip in front of the fams at Father's day BBQ.

It went a little something like this....

Mom: We should celebrate all the grandkids/Niece/Nephew's birthdays while they are in town

Grandma: But what would we do about the cakes? Would each kid have their own cake? That would be a whole lotta cakes!

Sister: Maybe we should just have a bunch of cupcakes?

Grandma: How would we know which ones were boy cupcakes and which ones were girl cupcakes?

Sister: The boys would have blue frosting and the girls would have pink


Me: Yeah, and the boys cupcakes would be the ones with nuts.

Ba-Dump-Dump.

Weekend plans...

For me:

• Recover sleep lost this week
• Unwrap and play the new GTA I bought on tuesday
• Nap
• Whittle a train out of a bar of soap for fathers day

For melady--partake of the finest offerings of Dewey Beach which for this weekend include the following:

• Vanilla Ice -- not the dessert, but the former rapper turned angry white dude in concert at the bottle and cork. I swear.
• All you can peel and eat shrimp for the ladies special offered by the local bar--seriously? Who the hell are they trying to attract with that mess? I've heard of Scandals giving away diamond earings to get the ladies in the door, but peel and eat shrimp? That's a cry for help if I ever heard it!

Red Stripe

Mo' Betta' Advertising...

Helping the white man dance!

and

Making ugly people beautiful.

Hooray Beer!

For Papa Burr...

Excerpt from Ice Cube's No Vaseline:
I never have dinner with the President.
I never have dinner with the President.
I never have dinner with the President.
And when I see your ass again, I'll be hesitant.
Now I think you a snitch,throw a house n!gga in a ditch.
Half-pint b!tch, f$ckin' your homeboys.You little maggot;
Eazy E turned f*ggot.With your manager, fella,f$ckin' MC Ren, Dr. Dre, and Yella.
But if they were smart as me,Eazy E would be hangin' from a tree.
With no vaseline, just a match and a little bit of gasoline.
Light 'em up, burn 'em up, flame on...till that Jheri curl is gone.

I'm a planning, planning, planning machine (the links-a-lot edition)

Watch me get down now!

Who wants to rent the General Lee for the wedding?

Who wants to know how to make a pinata?

A pinata that looks like this?

Only to be filled with this?

Don't get mad at me. I voted for carlos.

You had to be there.

Strange Facts about...

...me: I am 95% sure I tried oatmeal for the first time in my life yesterday. Actually, I am 100% sure I ate it, and pretty sure it took me 30 years to decide to try it. So sue me, I like to ease into thngs.

...Thailand: There is a shortage of yellow shirts.

2000 Acura Interga -- Autoweek Vol 5

Yeah, this whole autoweek thing has gone beyond a week, sorry about that. What can I say, I have owned quite a few cars in my day.

After backing into a snowbank with the Mazda and wedging a bunch of snow into the muffler and blowing the seal on the turbo from the back pressure, I decided to buy a car that had less than 120,000 miles on it.

Introducing the 2000 Acura Integra GS-r...


Yes, back then I lived my life a quarter mile at a time.

I had a Jackson Racing Supercharger strapped onto the 8K winding v-tec. When you floored it, it made a sound like a shop vac on steroids and ran like it stole something. It ate tires like star jones eats donuts and its 17s made sure your arse felt every inconsistency in the road.

The air conditioning stopped working during the hottest summer on record and I got tired of the $1000 tunes required every year to make the car run like it should so I sent it along its merry way. It was a fun car while I had it, but let's face it, it's no roo.

Train wreck of the week, possibly the millenium...

Sweet pappy molassy, where do I even begin with this one?

Have you ever purchased a soundtrack for a movie without actually seeing the movie?

And then feel so guilty about it, that you force yourself to watch the movie, not cause you want to, but out of a sense of obligation?

Well I have. I think I have owned the soundtrack to Sunset Park for the better part of a decade and just saw the movie for the first time today.

If you don't own/haven't heard the soundtrack and like solid hip-hop jams circa mid 90s, then you owe it to yourself to go pick it up. The tracks from Mobb Deep, Onyx and JM are well worth the price of admission, which on amazon starts at just 1 penny for a used disc.

If you haven't seen the movie, and want to poke your eyes out with a hot poker, watch the movie. The basic premise is that Rhea Pearlman (that's Danny Devito's wife) decides to take a sidejob coaching an inner city basketball team to fund her life long dream of buying a stake in her favorite restaurant. The thing is, now get this, she knows NOTHING about basketball.

TRY TO CONTROL YOUR EXCITEMENT.

Yes, it is pretty much as bad as you can imagine it to be. However, the appearances of a few "before they were famous" stars almost controls the stank of the movie to a little turd versus a massive steaming pile of corn seeded crap.

Example 1. Gary Dourdan

Yes, 98% of you are probably asking, who the f$%K is that? He plays Warrick Brown on the good CSI. He plays a dreadlocked gangsta for like 3 minutes in the movie. Just enough to say, hey, isn't that the guy with the gambling problem from CSI?


Example 2. Terrence Howard

Only 93% of you are asking who the f$%k is that? Well, he broke through big time with Crash where he played a movie director who is accused of acting whiter in order to fit in with Hollywood. In a really weird sense of irony he was listed as Terrence DaShon Howard in the credits of Sunset Park but only as Terrence Howard for Crash. I'll leave the discussion up to you.

Sorry for not posting much lately

Maybe this will make up for it.