As if you really needed another reason to love youtube...

Now you have this...

I'm on a roll...

I'm on a bagel.

big ups to Mr. Nogay, my high school science teacher for that fantastic joke.

Anyhow, I am making up for lost blogging today.

Here is something else you need to watch.

It is pretty fantastic.

Seperated at Birth II

Ok, I slept on this post for nearly a month, but who watched the last Sawyer-specific epy of Lost?

Anyone notice the Warden?

Anyone else realize that he had a long lost twin?

Old man topic15

Note to self for tomorrow Happy birthday to me!

PS you are old, old man.

Example #1
Among the birthday haul, one of the more noteworthy gifts included the 20th anniversary edition DVD of the Transformers movie. This provides all the evidence necessary to document my progress into the golden years.

First, it has been 20 years since that flick was released and I was first in line to see that bad boy on the big screen.

Second, the movie opens up as follows... "It is the year 2005 and the decepticons have overrun the autobot strong hold on cybertron..."

2005? Shazbot! that was damn near two years ago.

In further evidence, I had to chase a bat out of the house. Yes, a rather uninvited thanksgiving guest, this big ole nasty vampire bat chased my boo all over the townhouse while I was talking my old man mid afternoon nap. Let me tell you, that is one heck of a wake-up call.

Time to start working on the xmas list. When the F is Rad coming out on DVD? How can I get Michael Bolton's mustache?

Two things...

1. Note to self...when choosing a font color, be sure not to use the same color as the background.

2. Got the cliff notes from the new, tell all OJ Simpson book. It goes a little something like this:

Chapter1
I killed that skeezer.

The end.


Go ahead and scratch that off the must have list.

Sometimes truf be stranga den fiction

Courtesy of wikipedia...

Gibsonton is an unincorporated census-designated place in Hillsborough County, Florida, United States. The population was 8,752 at the 2000 census.

Gibsonton was famous as a sideshow wintering town, where various circus "freaks" would spend the off season. It was home to Percilla the Monkey girl, the Anatomical Wonder, and the Lobster Boy. Siamese twin sisters ran a fruit stand here. It is the only post office with a counter for dwarves. Aside from the agreeable winter climate, Gibsonton offered unique circus zoning laws that allowed residents to keep elephants and circus trailers on their front lawns.

Next time you are in Florida, why not stop by and say hi to the bearded lady and the fat man. As I understand they were both character witnesses for the trial on the murder of lobster boy (who rumor has it, was a total prick).

You thought I was joking, didn't you?

These 12+ hour work days are taking their toll on me.

I flew into LA at close to midnight a few days ago (that's like 3 AM local time).

Halfway delusional, rolling in the rental car, I decided if Lady SOV can peddle that crap and pawn it off as rap, why can't I?

So I wrote a little song.

Wanna hear it?

Hear it goes...

Ring the alarm cause the kid’s on the scene
Electrified lyrics like a robot’s wet dream
Ya’naw mean, sizzlean?
Gassed out like a burrito jelly bean

Listen to my lyrical extravaganza
Or I’ll have to donkey punch yo ass like my name is tony danza
Who’s the boss, hoss?
Iced out dookie, cause that’s how I floss.

Grab a map cause you’re lost
at the hand of the panda
and the rhymes that I just tossed
Out the window like an empty can of fanta

Platinum Grape soda, like a used lexus
Riding dirty in the Taurus on my way back from texas
Where I punched a one eyed fat kid in the solar plexus.
Like a leg syndrome my flow is relentlessly restless.

Word up.

Where's MY contract Jova?

Where you at?

So I have been on the low-low, working on my rap skills and training with a super secret squad of martial art maniacs.

You want a taste of a typical training session?

Do you wanna see tough?

Gone till November

Well November 17th if you want to be specific.

I am on the road doin some research and I had myself a little adventure this evening.

I rode the NY subway and it was nowhere near as bad as I would have imagined. It was well lit, the ceiling wasn't dripping and there was only one puddle of urine in my subway car.

Up next, that biggest ass state otherwise known as texas.

Hate Actually

It's time for some good old fashion ranting and raving.

For some reason beyond the realm of explanation, I have fostered a robust hatred for the word actually over the course of the past few weeks.

Not actuality or actual, just actually.

Methinks this is largely a function of the context in which I have overheard the usage of this word.

With the exception of one usage, the consistent application of this word has served no more purpose than to imply...

"Look turd brains, unlike me, you have far less than a clue, perhaps even a negative clue. It is truly your lucky day, consider I have graced you with my presence. Let my grand intellect do you a favor just this once, since I am such a great and benevolent being, and give you just a glimpse of knowing the real truth. BTW you suck and your mother dresses you funny, and not funny like a clown."

If I ruled the world, I would grant people slapping rights upon hearing that word in a conversation.

Hip Hop es Muerto

WILLIAM H MACY! It's official. Rap is dead.

Is that what rap music has come to?

A 13 year old looking white girl from UK?

Eazy-E is rolling over in his grave right now.

Fettes Brot is our only hope.

Daaaaaaamn!

Those better be midgets, or else I am going to go buy a liger this weekend.

Who needs to pay for gas, when you could have your own battlecat?

Just some good ole boys...

Van Damn! Who would have thought the general would be choppin' it up in Maine?

Now that's how I want to go...

These stingray's get more gangsta everyday...

Stingray leaps into boat, stabs man in chest.

Poncho and Lefty

Willie Nelson's public statement regarding his having been caught with a bag of marijuana:
"It's a good thing I had a bag of marijuana, instead of a bag of spinach. I'd be dead by now."

Rodeo o' Randomness

First off, let me tell you, 2 meals into this whole apple diet, I am not a fan, unless they have a special breed of apple that tastes like popeye's, it's going to be a long three days.

Why am I doing the apple diet?

For the story and I don't feel like cooking.

In other news, that picture of those freakishly big solo cups? That was all CJ's and smell my face belt buckle rob's. There you go.

In other other news, I have gone far too long being annoyed, not only by the phrase soup to nuts, but by wondering what the heck does it mean?

Turns out it refers to a full course meal, probably of med. decent, as they tend to feature an app. of soup, main course and nut based dessert. There you go.

Now I can go on just being annoyed at the phrase.

And while we are on the origin of phrases, you are not gonna believe me, but I am gonna tell you anyways...last week...in training...the teacher definitely used the phrase "laying in the cut."

Anyone know what that means? Well, I am gonna tell ya. In prisons, there are certain areas just beyond the view of security cameras. These are referred to as "the cut." Laying in the cut refers to the act of stealthily waiting, just out of camera view, most like to attack someone with a stabbing device, otherwise known as a shank or a shiv.

Speaking of shanks and shivs, I figured out what I will bestow upon my groomsmen. Monogramed throwing knives. Sweet.

Well, time to go.

I have two apples with my name on them.

Yay.

Where have you been?

Sorry for the lack of recent posts as of late. I was goaded into playing a game of flip-cup with these:

I was passed out for like a week and a half.

Now I am on the apple diet. I'll write more about that later.

How to win a fight in applebee's

Here's my of mix of some of Bas's greatest tips.

Pez-stilence

It's been a busy week for office pranks.

Case #2
A coworker leaves town for a week only to return to a shocking scene, the mass suicide of his entire pez dispencer collection.

Office Prank Returns>>Econo-Cubicle<<

Here is a typical size cubicle...

While out of the office last we, we decided to redesign one of our co-worker's cubicle.

Compared to the grossly inefficient full size cubicle, the new economy-sized cubicle has been designed to enhance productivity by limiting distracting window access, abundant oxygen, and wasted movement.

Thank goodness I don't have any vacation time to use.