Monday, January 19, 2009

One Giant Step Backwards...

So, this week's circular for Giant food features a nice plate of chicken wings to go with your Obama Yes we Can pennant.

That's just plain wrong!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Three words you don't want to hear while on a plane...

Brace for impact.

Yesterday a US Airways flight went down into the Hudson river thanks to a flock of kamikaze geese who flew straight into its engines.

The pilot tried to return to the airport but was unable to make it, and had to set it down in the Hudson and did so safely. Turns out I actually know a guy who was on the flight, a former classmate from middle school. So I am glad that all turned out well.

I am less pleased with a snippet about the incident from CNN...

"We circled around ... the captain came on and said, 'Look, we're going down. Brace for impact.' Everyone looked at each other and we said our prayers. I said about five Hail Marys," said the 31-year-old Norwalk, Connecticut, resident, who was en route to Charlotte to play golf.
But the water hazard he faced was unlike any he'd encountered on a golf course.

C'mon! Is that last sentence even necessary? CNN, who do you think you are? Fox news?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Tool time

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flatmetal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shit'

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in theirholes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creationof blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off boltheads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays isused as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

I thought it looked familiar...

The new Acura TL bares a striking resemblance to the far too short lived VW Fast mascot...

Friday, January 02, 2009

The Bipolar Advantage

Happy New Year you Hooligans!

I hope everyone had a merry Christmas and got their fill of the holiday, family and fun.

So here is a funny holiday tale, probably better told over a nice winter lager than through a post or an IM, but we'll see how it translates bloggityblog-style.

Some say Topic15 can be difficult to shop for.

I do not necessarily disagree, as it is more common than not that I have no clue what I want until I see it. And unless I am out lookin for fun gifts, my top-of-mind wish list tends to be pretty spartan. I do, however, mark things off on Amazon when I come across something fun that I would like to find under the tree.

After requesting gift ideas for yours truly, I directed my parents to said amazon wish list, which is loaded with DJ stuff, Video games, Martial Arts gear, Audio/video goodies, cooking supplies, and John Deere branded swag. I would like to think it is a pretty clear marker and would be readily associated with me (as it is all the random, yet interesting stuff I like).

Fast forward to 6.2 ounce baby Jesus's birthday. I was opening gifts and came across several money things I had tagged...Season 1 of Prison Break, After Dark: New York Revisited CD, Polo black cologne, John Deere sweats and they I hit a curveball...a book titled "The Bipolar Advantage."

Hmmmmmmmm. One of these things is not like the others.

I scrambled and took mental stock of recent converstations I had with the parents. Did they mention such a book as a good read? Did I absent-mindedly suggest that would be just the thing I needed to find under the tree?

No and no.

Turns out there is another wish list housed under my full name, but does not belong to me.

This digital doppleganger belongs to somewho who shares little more than a similar name, as evident by the types of things padding out their wish list, including but not limited to 8-10 different kinds of wrist watches (I don't wear a wrist watch nor desire to), 8 pages of books with at least 6 dedicated to learning how to speak chinese (love the food, no interest in learning the lingo) and a few other total odd odds and ends culminating with a book that maps a strategy for hope to cope with day to day life when you suffer from Bipolar Disorder.

Excerpt from chapter 1:

Daily checklist for success Part 1: Did you get out of Bed?

Sounds like a real page turner! Only to really bring the heat with chapter 1 part 2:

Did you at least visually inspect your teeth?

Try to control your excitement!

Quantitatively speak there is relatively quite a lot that is just plain wrong here...
  1. First let's just deal with the issue of 2 lists--2 owners -- 1 name...As previously mentioned, I would like to believe even a cursory review of these lists would quickly give one a pretty good sense of who's list belongs to who (in case there was any question or doubt).
  2. Now let's focus on the fact that items where purchased from both lists (this indicates both lists were reviewed and erases the possibility of just buying off the wrong list (not realizing there was another more relevant one).
  3. Most questionable is the item purchased off the wrong list...a book on How to live with Bipolar Disorder...a book purchased by a mother for her son...a book purchased by a mother who is a licensed clinical social worker and no stranger to identification of individuals who suffer from bipolar disorder for her son (who now questions if he is bipolar)

Qualitatively speaking there is a lot that is right here (and the explanation that I will choose to believe)

  1. When faced with the possibility of me having multiple lists, she was simply doing motherly diligence and covering off boths lists (after all I got a whole mess of things from the right list and just that one weird book from the wrong list).
  2. It makes for one hell of a funny story, which far exceeds the macro enjoyability (ie joy of others not just me) all of the other material gifts received (regardless of whether they were from the right or wrong list).
Whatever the reason, it was a pretty great holiday.