Tuesday, February 28, 2006

In the news this week...

Sudanese villagers forced a man to marry a goat after he was found having sex with it; the man also was required to pay the goat's owner 15,000 Sudanese dinars as dowry.

This spawned the following email exchange among co-workers...

K: Haha: "Man your wife is a real goat"

B: In case your are wondering (and I know you are), the going rate for a goat wife is about the price of a caps ticket ($65).

J:As a Greek-American I don't find this topic funny at all. Shouldn't we be embracing this kind of diversity? Isn't diversity itself a vritue?

Just because a love is outside of what we consider "normal" doesn't mean it's any less beautiful. It's good to see a village somewhere isnt't tied to social conventions. I think they could even start a nice little tourist trade for men who want to marry goats, or other livestock.

P: The question is how much does a goat wife go for in West Virginia?

J: $4 a pound

B:Much like buying bushels of crabs, price is largely driven by gender.

My guess would be the going rate for a 'Nanny' (female goat) would be a case of PBR while a "Billy" (male goat) would bear a much higher market value, a pair of nascar tickets.

K:Somebody should start up a dating website "goatdater.com"

What did the five fingers say to the face?


Friday, February 24, 2006

It's friday...

and here's what I just found.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Sine your bitty on the runny kine

Given its cast of characters (Chris Rock, Dave Attel, Wanda Sykes) Pootie Tang showed great promise. The first four minutes of the film are positively riveting. The remaining hour and seventeen minutes not so much.

So as a treat to the loyal denizens of Topic15, I give the the gift of time. Time in the form of getting the best without having to watch the worse...

Pootie Tang's very own opus, Sine your bitty on the runny kine.

Are you ready?

Wah dah Tow!

Dun-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh They say it's your birthday!

Happy birthday Weezie!

According to the Washington Post's Miss Cleo wanna be....

Pisces February 19 - March 20
For Tuesday, February 21 -You've decided that rather than being a follower -- even though you're always extremely choosy about whom you follow -- you're better suited to being a leader. Well, good for you. Bet your appreciative audience will agree -- not to mention the folks under your 'command' who'll be amazed and astounded at your leadership abilities. See? Just because you're quietly powerful doesn't mean you won't be effective.

I give those smokers 2 years. Tops. Oh and Brendan Fraiser...watch your back.

Have fun and party like a sock monkey.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Lordz of the Underground

A few years back I saw this super swank artwork for sale on ebay. It was from some studio in London and some bloody tosser ran the bid up far past what I was willing to pay.

Some say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. It also happens to be several hundred dollars cheaper. Thanks to a few 50% off Michael's coupons, a couple of canvases, some paint and a little too much free time, I now have my very own piece of london stlyee hanging on my walls.

Is it perfect? No. But neither are you and that's just fine. You both have "personality."

On a side note, peep the swank coffee table that I made for the beyonce many moons ago. There is a quant little story to go along with it.

For a long time my boo's apartment was sans coffee table and it was cool. I, however, thought it to be neat to build her a custom made one in my free time. I was 90% complete before we were going to use her apartment as the launch pad for the first (and last) boys night out. At this juncture she realized that the lack of a coffee table was simply unacceptable and was going to run out and buy one really quick like.

I was nearly finished with the table and wanted to keep it a surprise. At the same time I didn't want to have her run out and buy one. Despite my best tap dancing, she remained unwavered in her decision. Thankfully, nothing caught her eye at target and Ikea was a bit too far for such short notice, so we ended up with a temporary solution of a footlocker and I was able to deliver the goods shortly thereafter.

Awwwwwww. Isn't that special.

Monday, February 13, 2006

OG VP Gets busy

And in the news this week, the vice president decides to take a vacation, pops a cap in his friend's grill.

Lord of the bling

What goes better with this than this?

Can you say co-opt?

Sunday, February 12, 2006

A guy walks into a talent agent's office...

Aristocrats = aristocrap.

Perhaps the one saving grace is that buried deep within the recesses of the special features is a clip from the amazing Jonathan where he tells one of his favorite jokes. This joke also serves as his litmus test as to whether or not a person is fun to hang out with. If they laugh, they are in the inner circle. If not, he immediately breaks their neck (no not really, he just doesn't think they are as fun to hang out with).

I am pleased to say I am among the fun crowd. I will do my best to recount the joke here...

Two old friends meet up, by chance, after not seeing one another for many years. One friend immediately notices the other has gone through some pretty significant changes. He has a beautiful wife and based on his appearance he is extremely affluent. His head is three times the normal size, perfectly round, and colored orange. The friend's curiosity gets the best so he asks,

Friend1 "Wow you sure have changed what happened?"

Orangey "While travelling in the Congo, I discovered a lamp and decided to rub it for shitz and grins."

Friend1 "Did anything happen?"

Orangey "Believe it or not, a genie came out and granted me 3 wishes."

Friend1 "What did you wish for?"

Orangey "First wish was for a beautiful wife. Second wish was to be rich beyond my wildest dream, then I think I went terribly wrong with the third wish."

Friend1 "Oh yeah, how so?"

Orangey "I wished for a really big round orange head."

I am chuckling even writing that.

Yeah, so sue me, I am easy to please.

Anyhow, speaking of crappy I don't get it humor, I just wrapped up another AV project for your viewing pleasure.

Just for some backstory, my dad is credited with the concept as well as the original execution. One day back in the 80s, he daisy chained 2 vcrs together and manually looped a clip from suddenly. I thought it was equally, if not more, enjoyable than the orange head joke.

So here it is.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Friday, February 10, 2006

Movie time

Deniro had Heat and Casino in a single year.

Gary Busey plays a crazy doctor in this and a crazy gingerbread man in this.

Christ. I am going home to eat some twizzlers now.

Was I dreaming?

I distinctly remember gazing over to the drink cart on my Air France flight from Paris a few weeks ago and seeing a PBR branded bottle of spring water. I pointed it out to melady and she saw it too, yet despite google's best efforts, it does not seem to exist.

Nor does Barbara, a swiss beer that tasted deliciously like OE 800.

Could Google be holding out on us?

Monday, February 06, 2006

2nd hand chicken wings?

Anyone? Anyone?

That superbowl was just plain trifling.

Thanks FCC for throwing ad execs back to the age of the puritans thus resulting in perhaps the worst batch of commercials on record.

And thanks seahawks for managing the clock like a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest. You only cost me 100 frosties in the first quarter.

Saturday, February 04, 2006


Speaking of new twists on old favorites, I recently gots me a digital AV convert that allows you to knock the dust off those VHS tapes and welcome them to the digital age.

I can't seem to get the audio track to work, so I am forced to Remix the audio.

I took a friend's project and threw on some new audio and voila! I think I just created a new genre.

Have a looksee.

Friday, February 03, 2006

A new twist on an old favorite...

The Tony Danza = Yelling "Who's the Boss?" after delivering a Donkey Punch.

Instant Classic.

Simian Survivor

Did anyone actually watch survivor last night?

If so, did you catch how survivor Dan came clean about being a former astronaught?

Obviously from when NASA was still sending albino monkeys into space.

Did you see how crazy he went in the previews when Probst revealled the reward challenge was a bunch of bananas?

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

And in the news today...

Back to back headlines on CNN

Boy enters elephant's open-air cage, is crushed to death
Lindsay Lohan injured in teacup accident

How does a teacup injury come that close to an elephant trampling?