Thursday, November 29, 2007


We normally don't make it a habit of telling people what to do, here at topic15, rather we prefer to offer recommendations.

That basic tenet is suspended for this post.


This, hands down, is the funniest damn thing I have seen in a good long while.

We can all thank the honorable Wehe for that one.

Well played sir, well played.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Social Experiments

I can't recall if I previously mentioned this, although if not I almost certainly should have, but a good friend of mine has this little experiment he runs out west in the foothills of Berkeley.

He drives around looking for people and when he finds just the right person, he points at them and blows a pink whistle and yells "who do you think you are?" And them blows the whistle and points some more.

Well I only brought that back up because I recently came into ownership of my very own pink whistle. The problem is, I can not, for the life of me, carry on the experiment. Not so much due to any moral conflict, but more so, because I can not contain my laughter while doing so.

Hmmm, maybe the cure is to take the whistle to costco.

In other examples of social experiments/absent mindedness, they other day I walked off with someone else's grocery cart and got 2 aisles away before they tracked me down. Now I realize that this resulted from a total mind fart, but it raises a good question and possible extension of the pink whistle experiment. Go into the grocery store, walk off with someones cart, wait for them to find you, they whistle away and run.

Who's with me?

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Three little things...

1). Beowulf in 3-d is freaking awesome.

And even though comic book guy in row 6 would vehemently disagree it is certainly not because of Angelina Jolie's tig ole CG bitties. Rather it is makes good use of a long over looked medium, the CG is so good that there are points you forget you are not looking at real peeps and Beowulf throws a wicked good rabbit punch right in Grendle's freakish swollen external ear drum. Good stuff.
Some might ask, is the movie scary?
But not so much for the Beowulf content as much as the previews which feature Brendan Frasier in 3-D. The world has yet to know such terror.
2). Why aren't plumbers in better shape?

In the last week I did the following:
A. Fixed the toilet
B. Removed all of the fallen leaves on our property with the B&D Bush Hog Vac
C. Ran for 45 minutes on the elliptical (ok technically it isn't running, but I don't think the word Elliping has been coined yet)

Which of these activities resulted in walking funny and wicked muscle soreness?
The toilet repair.
Christ I felt like I ran a marathon the next day. So why are plumbers all stereotypical chunky monkeys? They should be freaking Hulk Hogans if that is what they do on a daily basis.

3) Saving the best (*or possibly worst) for last...
Seeing as my birthday is right around the corner, presents have already started to arrive.
If you wonder what kinds of things T-15 gets as presents, today is your lucky day. Before we get to the gift, let's start with the paper.
What in the world kind of early birthday present for a 32 year old comes wrapped in paper like this?

According to my mother, one that matches the tone of the gift it hides, more in terms of how disturbing it is, than its colorfulness.

As I peeled back the clown jack-in-the-box laden paper, much to my surprise and delight, I found this...

Yessiree, The Terror of Tiny Town DVD, an all little person western starring Jed Buell's midgets...

Look, I swear I am not making this up.
Even better is the blurb on the back of the box....
The Terror of Tiny Town was produced by Jed Buell after the success of his 1937 novely/exploitation picture, Harlem on the Range, the first all-black western.
A sequel little-person western, Hang 'em Not so High was announced but sadly abandoned before it was ever put to cameras.
Hot damn!
If this is any indication how year 32 goes down in the book of T-15, I am not gonna complain.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Do what now?

Another installment in cultural enlightenment, this chapter of T-15 will feature a special cat fish fishing technique known as noodling (AKA Hogging AKA Catfisting AKA Grabbing AKA Graveling AKA Tickling AKA Dogging AKA Stumping AKA DO WHUT?)

The technique works as follows...

1) Go to a muddy river

2) Get in and look for a stump

3) Jam your beater into the stump and hope a cat fish chomps down on your finger

4) Yank it out

5) Drink a Coors Light in celebration of catching a fish and not encountering a snapping turtle, beaver or Julia Roberts in the stump.

Friday, November 16, 2007

That newscaster is going to h-e-double hockey sticks...

I promise, I had nothing to do with the editing of that tape....

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Who wants to go to Britt Iowa Next August?


The national Hobo convention.

Yes, after a quick visit to to answer all of my burning hobo questions, I discovered that hobos have their own convention, hoboweek, a hobo code, hobo kings and queens, and even hobo court.

I kid you not.

go there and see for yourself.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Dear Santa...

Please send me one of these...

In case you are wondering, that contraption is the love child of an arcade cabinet and a kegerator. Who needs dave and buster's?

Other items of interest I've seen round the net include...

The Back-up, a bed mounted gun rack for your shotgun which is positioned as the last line of defense. One only wonders how long it will be before Onyx gets on board with their own version, the Bacdafucup rack for your twin desert eagles with hollow points.

A yodelling pickle.

Well that's it. What can I say, I am but a simple man with simple tastes.

Friday, November 09, 2007

It's like a 40 pack of road rage...

Ok, time to get topic15 back on track and if topic15 is good for anything, it is highly-concentrated acerbic complaining.

Yessirree, no half-steppin, limp-wristed constructive criticism here, but rather, a plethora of restaurant quality hatin'.

Topic of the day? Costco.

Perhaps no other establishment can be the source of such pain and joy at the same time.

As much as I love their products and prices, I can not stand 99.9% of the other members. It is almost as bad as the intersection of the post-Rodney King LA riots and a South Carolina Piggly Wiggly after a devastating 1 inch snow storm is about to hit.

Let's review a sampling of the worst offenders...

The free sample C-blocker
You can find this prick monopolizing the free sample table. While I don't have a problem with repeat samplers, I do have a problem when you block the box and strike up a fake conversation with the worker to hide the fact that you are going to eat 8 pounds of alpine lace swiss cheese. C'mon! Get your sample and get your fat ass out of the way. Other people came to Costco for a free lunch too ya know?

The Absent Minded Carter
This piece of work is virtually impossible to miss, as they seem to have a fever and the only prescription is to slowly wander aimlessly right in front of you only to ditch their cart exactly in the middle of the aisle, at a cockeyed angle, so there is no getting around.

Look, I am not a criminal on the run and you are not a cop who parks their cruiser sideways on the road to block it. But, if you insist, I will play ball and ram right the heck through, I have 12 pounds of red peppers to buy for $5.

The Cardless Member
You typically encounter this person at the two biggest choke points, the entry and checkout. More often female than not, they tend to wait till they get carded at the door to start searching through their duffle-bag sized purse for their membership card, effectively cutting off entry for all subsequent members. 2 hours later, when the line wraps around the door, they realize their card is in their other purse.

Good Grief!

The worst part is that is does not end there. Some actually do manage to find their cards, only to lose them in that freaky purse abyss sometime between entry and checkout, thus requiring the entire process to happen again at check out. Adding insult to injury, they often pay by check as well. It is a good thing the cases of socks and the cases of soap are on opposite sides of the store, cause if not, I think I would be smelling a blanket party cooking.

I can't afford a Baby-sitter, so I just take the kids to Costco
Pretty self-explanatory, these wanks let their kids run loose in Costco like it is some sort of kid nation. Unfortunately without the mistaking of bleach for lemonade. You know that cage where they lock up electronics? Costco needs to start locking up unaccompanied kids there to resell them to Bradgelina or Madonna types.

Honestly,I think Costco is too liberal with their membership. It should be a privilege, not a right, and you should be required to take a test to qualify for membership.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

In the news today...Coincidence?

Did anyone else notice this on CNN's website today?

Just another item to throw in the bushel basket of things that make you go hmmmmmm.

So as I logged in, I was rather shocked by the fact that my last post was 10/20 -- 18 days ago, and I don't even have a superfly rap song to show for it.

Good grief.

Either I am become extra-ordinarily lazy with my bloggage, I am too boring to find stuff to blog about, or perhaps time is moving faster.

Yes, that's it. It must be. In fact I do recall seeing a blurb on the news about a slight change in the earth's rotational speed. I was utterly shocked at the nonchalant manner in which the news caster glossed over that fact to get to a really important story, so important I don't remember what it was about, but seem to believe it was about whether or not Tom the Turkey would be ready for the thanksgiving day parade. Yes, that certainly trumps the earth deciding that it wants to change speed.

I can't blame channel 5 news, they are simply catering to the interests of their viewers. And let's face it, people are becoming increasingly less intelligent. It is only a matter of time before machines take over. Or have they already started? I recently read an article in Wired magazine, my latest un-guilty pleasure about the electronic devices becoming our outboard brains. Quick tell me you parent's phone number. Heck, tell me your phone number. Many people immediately grab for the cell phone for such information nowadays, quite frankly because there is far more information available to process now than ever before, and our cabeza's only have some much capacity, unless your name is Ken Jennings.

So, if recall of facts is no longer a reliable marker of intelligence, what is? Could it be the ability to gather facts (as opposed to storing them) and place them in the appropriate context?

Bo Darvill might suggest precisely so. He once said something to the effect of the intelligence of what you know depends on where you are. Very moving. Who, you might ask is Bo Darville? The bandit, i.e. Burt Reynolds from Smokey and the Bandit. I've tried searching all over online for the exact quote, but my search turned up as fruitless as Sheriff Buford T. Justices.

So where am I going with all this?

You'll see, we are almost there.

What has long separated man from machine, intelligence-wise, is the ability to tease out context and apply it to facts. And for this we can sleep safe at night.

Then I found this. A mere toy, an electronic game, a modern rendition of a classic pastime, 20 questions?

Ha! It is the first shot in the man vs computer wars!

Let me tell you while not 100% accurate, it comes disturbingly close. And that is the home version (which is non-learning). The online version continues to grow in intelligence with every game played.

Oh Snap, somebody call Sarah Connors STAT!