Sunday, June 24, 2007

Caveat Emptor

Over my travels this weekend, I came across this ominous display for Doritos newest
experimental product, X-13D, a so called flavor experiment positioned under being an american classic.

How can I say no to a proposition like that? Christ, everyone knows I am a researcher, I love experiments and snack food. Triple threat!

So I jumped on the X-13D train for $.99.

At first taste, I swore they were pickle flavored chips, but then the tasted evolved into something I have not tasted on a regular basis since 6th grade, could it be? could it be a fast food hamburger (I switched to a diet based on poultry and seafood at that time, I will explain that some other time).

It has been a long time, so I decided I better double check.

After rotating bag to peep the ingredients, I noticed among the spices, BEEF was listed.

Aw man, what a dick move doritos! That is just low rent!

Why are you punking out non-beef eaters like that?

Did you hire Ashton K, as your new marketing VP? Cause if you did, you should reconsider.

What is next, a mystery flavor based on peanuts? What? You are deathly allergic to peanuts?

Oh, sorry about that.

Your bad.

You really should have known by the name of our new flavor, we promise it doesn't contain peanuts...Fingers crossed on the back of the bag so it doesn't count!

So in short, makers of doritos, sit on it.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

So the wedding registry is all tapped out...

Anyone know where I can register for a Narwhal?

Kind of like a turd with a tooth pick sticking out of its head, this under appreciated freak of nature would make a nice addition to my parent's pool.

Monday, June 18, 2007


Ha Ha Yeahhhhhhh!

We put the Wii in weekend thanks to a nice little bundle of joy which arrived from Nintendo last Friday. I have to say I am impressed with Nintendo's innovation with the Wii (and due to the scarce supplies, obviously I am not the only one).

The selling points of the machine are two-fold. First, its virtual console gives you access to old school gems like Zelda, punch-out and lesser known games like Lode-runner. Building on this retro movement, you can pimp you Wii with this swank skin.

Second, is the simple pleasures of the newer games, such as WarioWare smooth moves, which is largely designed for people who get bored with a game after 15 seconds. Thus, WarioWares is a collection of games that each last about 10 seconds each. Not sold yet? Well in one of the mini-games, you get to poke homeless people with a stick to shoo them away. Ok maybe they are not identified as people or necessarily homeless, but they could be.

Eitherway you cut it, the $250 is the shiznit and will tide me over until either Microsoft or Sony breaks and brings their console price down to less than a car payment.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Easy come, easy go

Well if youtube insists on original content, here goes...

Friday, June 15, 2007

Cole me on tha panny sty!

Well Pootie, it was a good run to ~40,000 views but Sine your Bitty on the Runny Kine is no more....

Dear Member:
This is to notify you that we have removed or disabled access to the following material as a result of a third-party notification by Paramount Pictures Corporation claiming that this material is infringing:

Sine your Bitty on the Runny Kine:

Please Note: Repeat incidents of copyright infringement will result in the deletion of your account and all videos uploaded to that account. In order to avoid future strikes against your account, please delete any videos to which you do not own the rights, and refrain from uploading additional videos that infringe on the copyrights of others.

For more information about YouTube's copyright policy, please read the Copyright Tips guide.
If you elect to send us a counter notice, please go to our Help Center to access the instructions.
Please note that under Section 512(f) of the Copyright Act, any person who knowingly materially misrepresents that material or activity was removed or disabled by mistake or misidentification may be subject to liability.

Sincerely,YouTube, Inc.


Thursday, June 14, 2007

Oh so you got jokes now?

Anyone watch last comic standing last night?

Anyone racking their brains for the punchlines for the mobile phone text message jokes which could be purchased for the mere cost of $1 a piece?

Well rack no more and prepare for 3 of the worst jokes you will ever hear.

Joke #1
How much does it cost for a pirate to get their ears pierced?

A Bucaneer (a buck an ear)

Joke #2
What did the tortilla say when it got to the end of the tight rope?


Joke #3
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

An orange parrot.

No just kidding.

A carrot.

Congrats. You now have a comedic set good enough to make a room full of retards laugh.

Really, the only redeeming value of those jokes is that you now have a really solid chance of winning a contest of who's got the worst joke?

Speaking of which, what is a cat's favorite color?


Is bazooka joe hiring? Cause I am on fiiiiiiyyyaaaa!

Pass the cough syrup.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Gimme my steps cookie

Yeah so I bought a pedometer at target last weekend to see how many steps I take in a typical day (not including the gym). The target is 10,000. I've been coming up short. Like Gary Coleman short, ranging to 4,000 to 5,000 steps. Time to install a hampster wheel in the office.

Speaking of the office, it is being over run by ants which is gross and inexplicable. The only food stuffs on my desk is a bottle of Chipolte Tabasco sauce, which is some folk remedy cure for keeping ants away. I guess that came up short too.

Now let's talk about coming up really short. If you have even walked by a TV in the DC area the past few days, you have almost surely seen a blurb about that news story where that crazy lady drove her car through a festival of people, mowing down 40 or so in the process. When the crowd was finally able to stop her, they found her with a crack pipe in her mouth. Know what that lady does when she is not smoking crack and running over pedestrians? Admin for Marion "that's not me smoking crack on that tape" Barry.


Friday, June 01, 2007

Hip-hop didn't die, it just moved to Germany

SF highlights

Ok, two little gems from my SF trip thus far...

Story 1 -- Holding it down, BevMo style

While in town, me and MC hit up one of my favorite local establishments, BevMo, in a continued yet unfruitful search for barbara. No luck on the swiss beer, but I did manage to find me a bottle of sam adams triple bock. While not quite as bad boy as its big brother Utopias, triple bock is a rare find. And gross. Tastes like raisin, Dr. Pepper, and Henny. Bleh. Still chaulk one more up to the Sam Adams adventure.

Probably more entertaining was the fact that Suge Knight was working the check-out counter. I asked him if he carried "Death and taxes" but he just laughed and said, where you from boy? I ain't never heard of nothing like that. I felt my bevmo cred failing, then threw the triple bock on the counter and asked if they carried Utopias. I looked at me like I was out of my mind, but before he could question, his co-worker chimed in saying, OH SNAP! That Utopias is SICK! It comes in a copper bottle, runs a cool $150 a bottle and tastes like yak. As my bevmo cred began to recover, I sealed the deal with my final comment, "Yeah, it's pretty rare, like an albino midget." Suge replied, "Oh yeah, you NEVER see those around too often."

Story 2 -- The Pink Whistle

So as a sort of deviant social experiment, my friend MC, keeps a pink whistle in his glove compartment of his car. And as he drives around he will randomly blow the whistle and point at people they yell "who do you think you are?" Just to see how they react. He once caught a couple making out, then blew the whistle and they ran in a panic.

That is good stuff.