Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Taste Check One Two...One Two...

I have been known to brew my own beer and I have been known to name my tasty beers with less than tasteful names...Spooky Chocolate, Honky McGhee, Cincinnati Surprise, Donkey Punch ect ect ect.

What is the consensus on naming a beer "The Last Supper?"

Is that considered overtly tasteless?

Some of you might be asking yourself, "Here, here topic15! Where do you get such ideas?"

Well I will tell you.

My dreams.

Specifically a dream where some hoodrat checkout lady was commenting on my limited edition 44 oz Obama "Yes We Can" bottle of Colt 45 that I was buying at a local Korean Grocery store from my childhood. She was saying they should just call it "The Last Supper" cause that's all you need.

Should I be shocked and appalled at my own dream?

Or should I be getting on the phone with Colt 45's marketing department?

Monday, February 23, 2009

Because plain Mayo is just too damn healthy...

You can now step up to baconnaise. Supposedly it's kosher too. I don't know if I buy it. Not after getting burned by ball park's turkey franks this past weekend. Seconds after opening the pack, I thought to myself, these things smell disturbingly like regular hot dogs. A quick review of the ingredients revealed one of the main ingredients...BEEF STOCK. That's a dirty dog move ball park!

Saturday, February 07, 2009

When in Portland...

Be sure to visit Voodoo doughnut, the most creative and slightly perverted purveyor of deep fried circular goodness.

They serve everything from doughnuts dipped in chocolate rice crispies and filled with peanut butter to maple and bacon to one glazed in Nyquil. The shop has been featured on a few shows such as Bourdain's no reservation and most recently Man vs. Food.

The Man vs. Food did a quick pan shot of the dessert case and I was pretty such I saw a doughnut shaped like a wang. A quick visit to their menu reveals that there is indeed a cock-n-balls pastry...

As described on their menu...

Cock-n-Balls(Bachlorette party favorite, tripple cream filled, with your favorite saying written right on it. Comes in its own pink box. $4.95 Order ahead as supplies can be limited.)

Holy twig and berries! I am mildly shocked by such a creation, but also intrigued. Can you imagine slipping one of these into the anonymous dozen of dunkin donuts in the break room? The watching people's reactions when they open the box? It is sort of like tying a snake to the lid, and then scaring the bah-jeezus out of them when the snake pops out. It is just that this snake only has one eye.

Ug, bad joke, sorry couldn't resist. Anyhow despite the mule log, if ever I find myself in Portland, count me in for a visit to Voodoo and sign me up for the Memphis Mafia which involves (chocolate chips/banana/ peanutbutter).

The king would approve.

Friday, February 06, 2009

Take II

My second attempt. Maybe I should read up on logo design before cranking away on these, but they are fun exercises in getting to know PPT 2007's capabilities (although I am pretty sure this sort of thing could be done in the older versions as well).

Shout out to the wagon mafia. Woot Woot!

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Unintended Usage

One of the things that I am fairly certain of is that when Billy Bob Gates offered up PowerPoint, he did not intend it to be used to create digital graffiti. Here is my shoddy 5 minute attempt at creating a logo for the blog I never update.

If I weren't so damn lazy I would...

A) update this thing more often

B) have found a better solution here

C) have found B sooner instead of waiting until after creating the logo above to do a google search on graffiti (as a spell check, it is one of those words I can never remember the correct spelling it grafetti? grafiti? graffiti?)

D) use an actual dictionary for spell checks

Lazy lazy topic15, not doing a damn thing, ya know what I mean!

Sizzlelean, drama queen, pack up your bacon and split the scene

Oh SNAP spontaneous rap song dropping on your bean

Burrito, neato, potayto patahto

This rhyme is 4th of july hot-oh

Snap, yeah that's twice in the same song

It's ok, helps to make it long

like this week

which is weak

like my lack of posting

so here's toasting

to another year of random roasting.


Da Juice is loose!

Holy criznap!

I saw Joose's newest offering at our local 7-11, Dragon Joose which weighs in at a stout 9.9% ABV. My curiousity may get the better of me and I may have to break down and try it. Although the last time I sampled such a bevvie (a competitive brand called tilt) I go wicked revv'd up and started to sound a bit like John Moschitta Jr. AKA the micro machine guy...

Sunday, February 01, 2009

From Hero to Ziro

A few nights ago I had the distinct pleasure of watching "The Clone Wars." If you saw the this movie, you are thinking that last statement is a lie. You are partially right. I use pleasure in a relative term and this movie was relatively more pleasurable than the original "Casino Royale."
About three quarters of the way through Casino Royale, I turned it off, as I discovered it is not really a movie, but more of some sort of brain washing mechanism ala LOST or Clockwork Orange. I threw in the towel at the scene where a UFO descended in London to caputure Bond's daughter and took her to an underground base in the middle of the ocean, being run by Woody Allen. It was awful, but had the saving grace of a fantastic Herb Alpert theme song that some of you might recognize.
But I digress from the topic du jour...
The hot mess of the clone wars was pretty bloody awful. Then we got to meet Jabba the Hut's uncle, Ziro the hut, who I was pretty sure was a pimp. He is purple, wears gold, runs a gentlemen's type club in the "downtown" section of Courasant (sp?). He spoke in a stoned pimpish kinda of voice with a bit of a lisp that reminded a bit of how the American Dream Dusty Roads used to sound. I thought it all was pretty funny, but that was just the tip of iceberg.
When trying to track down a picture of said pimp, I stumbled across an entire wikipedia style site dedicated to Star Wars (which if I were to make a guess probably has content equal to, possibly in excess of the wikipedia site that covers everything). On that site I read some commentary and insight and speculation that I will attempt to summarize below...
In keeping with the theme of horribly offensive stereotype aliens (Jar-Jar-Binks being a homey, Watto being Jewish, that group of enemies with asian accents) the decided to bring in Ziro, an over-the-top flaming homosexual. This move has caused quite a stir.
I dunno, I am sticking with the pimp explaination. Regardless I do concur with the fact that it was placed on Maxim's list of WTF moments of Summer Movies of 2008.