Wednesday, November 30, 2005

A hometown kid on his BMX against the best in the world. At Helltrack... the heat is on.

Yeah, that's the tagline from Rad, what's a matter, you wanna fight about it?

Somehow in the random mental workings of my mind, the image of two kids tearing up the dance floor on their BMX bikes at prom listening to "send me an angel" popped into my head this morning, and I wondered if maybe, just maybe, someone had the stones to release this bad boy on DVD. A quick trip to IMDB reveals it is so. A quick trip to amazon reveals that IMDB is full of crap.

One day, one day, we will relive the glory of hell track in digital format, hopefully with Bart Conner commentary. Until then we will have to live with gleaming the cube, which in all honesty is the coke zero of Rad.

In other random wanderings of the mind, last night while out for my birthday dinner, melady friend and I walked by a Slyvan learning center. I had to suppress my inner a-hole urge to fling open the door, point at a kid and yell "you big dummy." I have no idea where these things come from.

Additionally, I almost ran someone over backing up real fast knight rider style in the parking lot at lunch. Judging by his Subway bag, he is semi-health concerned, so I was really just giving him the gift of some extra exercise (ie diving out of the way of an out of control subaru wagon in reverse). He thanked me with a few choice words.

Speaking of gifts, the best girlfriend in the world got me the best present in the world a fancy new black ipod with a laser inscription on the back that reads "I wore black because I liked it -- Johnny Cash."


Tuesday, November 29, 2005

I heart Propaganda!

What do these two images have in common (besides both kickin' arse)?

More than you might think (or perhaps more appropriately stated more than meets the eye).

But before we get into all of that, let's review why it is important to think about propaganda courtesy of this fine-azz piece of literary work I found online...

It may seem strange to suggest that the study of propaganda has relevance to contemporary politics. After all, when most people think about propaganda, they think of the enormous campaigns that were waged by Hitler and Stalin in the 1930s. Since nothing comparable is being disseminated in our society today, many believe that propaganda is no longer an issue.

But propaganda can be as blatant as a swastika or as subtle as a joke. Its persuasive techniques are regularly applied by politicians, advertisers, journalists, radio personalities, and others who are interested in influencing human behavior. Propagandistic messages can be used to accomplish positive social ends, as in campaigns to reduce drunk driving, but they are also used to win elections and to sell malt liquor.

As Anthony Pratkanis and Elliot Aronson point out, "every day we are bombarded with one persuasive communication after another. These appeals persuade not through the give-and-take of argument and debate, but through the manipulation of symbols and of our most basic human emotions. For better or worse, ours is an age of propaganda." (Pratkanis and Aronson, 1991)

With the growth of communication tools like the Internet, the flow of persuasive messages has been dramatically accelerated. For the first time ever, citizens around the world are participating in uncensored conversations about their collective future. This is a wonderful development, but there is a cost.

The information revolution has led to information overload, and people are confronted with hundreds of messages each day. Although few studies have looked at this topic, it seems fair to suggest that many people respond to this pressure by processing messages more quickly and, when possible, by taking mental short-cuts.

Propagandists love short-cuts -- particularly those which short-circuit rational thought. They encourage this by agitating emotions, by exploiting insecurities, by capitalizing on the ambiguity of language, and by bending the rules of logic. As history shows, they can be quite successful.

Propaganda analysis exposes the tricks that propagandists use and suggests ways of resisting the short-cuts that they promote. This web-site discusses various propaganda techniques, provides contemporary examples of their use, and proposes strategies of mental self-defense.

Propaganda analysis is an antidote to the excesses of the Information Age.

"borrowed" from:

So back to my original question, how are these two images related? Quite simply, Soundwave shot the paratrooper in a fit or rage after losing a heated game of tiddlywinks.

I actually have a much more relevant theory, but it's boring and doesn't delight one with the fantastic mental image of tiddlywinks gone bad.

Happy birthday to me.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Act my age? Never!!!

In sheer denial of the fact I turn 30 tomorrow, here are some rather juvenial lyrics from Bloodhound Gang's new song...

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Vulcanize the whoopee stick
In the ham wallet
Cattle prod the oyster ditch
With the lap rocket
Batter dip the cranny ax
In the gut locker
Retrofit the pudding hatch
Ooh la la
With the boink swatter

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so patheticallyI don't wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Unifrom Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Marinate the nether rod
In the squish mitten
Power drill the yippee bog
With the dude piston
Pressure wash the quiver bone
In the fish wrinkle
Cannonball the fiddle cove
Ooh la la
With the pork steeple

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so patheticallyI don't wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Unifrom Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where pronto

Turkey! Trader Joe's! Thirty!

The trip to trader joe's this weekend was awesome. That place specializes in gourmet food (ie jalapeno chicken sausage without pork) and bitchy moms.

I swear, Walt Disney would have another century's worth of material just by strolling down the sundries aisle. Every corner I turned, I saw some middle age psuedo hippy mom berating a cart full of kids. Can you say Cinderella 2K6: The Remix? I pretty much told shannon when we have kids, she is no longer permitted to shop there.

Oh well what can you do?

Thanksgiving went well, despite the absence of a deep fried bird. Apparently you need to take the turkey out of the freezer about a month in advance and frying a frozen trukey is the leading cause of death in Dundalk Md.

In lieu, but equally neck (aka redneck) I tried a bourbon based glaze. Despite its rather questionnable ingreddies (bourbon, maple syrup, ketchup, soy sauce, brown sugar and lots of country love) it turned out rather nicely. In fact only one person fell out of there chair after eating it. I say give it a shot, but stay away from any heavy machinery afterwards.

Not too much else to report on, however, I do turn 30 tomorrow. Yes thirty. How will I celebrate? I dunno, maybe I will buy some insurance, read the wall street journal or change the filter in the furnace. You know, grown up stuff.

Yeah right. Family guy season 4 comes out tomorrow (coincidence?), so I may very well end up on the couch, sans pantalones, drinking a blue margarita, eating sour patch kids while watching THE best damn show on TV, well um, except for lost.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

And you thought craig mack was ugly...

Seperated at birth?

I can't decide if this is really a dog or a turd with grey hair and teeth. And it's no wonder why Craig Mack's hit was Flava for your ears cause you may very well go blind if you stare at him for more than 10 seconds.

What time is it?

Monday, November 21, 2005

It's like an alarm clock...

wooo woooo!

Thanks Bubb Rubb and Lil Sis!

After 60 years lego segregation ends!

I am just going to go ahead and say it.

Legos are racist. Straight up.

C'mon, think about it. When was the last time you saw an ethnic inhabitant of Lego land?

How about never. Nothing but endless waves of smiling yellow block people. What exactly are they smiling about? The lack of lego pigment?

It is a travesty.

I have long championed for increased diversity among legoians. In fact when I was 11, I made the startling discovery that the smokestack from my lego express steam engine was in fact, a black lego head. Not long afterwards, Lego Leroy and I started the Lego equality movement.

It has been a long hard fight, but progress is being made.

The "other side of the tracks" lego town is in the works and is complete with lego pawn shop next to the lego liquor store next to the lego payless shoe store.

Leghetto is the name of this urban utopia and it includes lego pimps and lego hos and even visits from the lego MAN to keep the lego brothers down.

What did one snowman say to the other?

Do you smell carrots?

Oh, I slay me. That's rich!

Friday, November 18, 2005

Wish List Part Deux

Tack this bad boy on me list for jolly ole st. nick.

A gangsta snowman that raps "Whoomp there it is" complete with bling in his grill. Coal is for suckaz!


A sucker is born every minute

As PT Barnum once said, unfortunately he didn't know the Internet age, cause if he did, he would likely cut that time in half repeatedly until it reached a nano-second.

So I am trying to sell a home theater system on craigslist, and pretty much everywhere you turn on that site is a warning about potential scams. As soon as I posted my offer I received half a dozen offers which pretty much boggle the mind.

Here is a sample exchange:

hello seller
i found your item and it look nice let me know if this item is still for sell
Mrs Jeje

Yes, in fact it is the middle of a bidding war, the price is now up to $1,500 from people all over the world! Imagine that!

The first person who shows up with $900 real money (that would be cash or certified check), however will have the distinct pleasure of buying this fine piece of audio equiptment.

I also have a rare monkey for sale if you are interested.

Ok...thanks for your response.i will like to buy it now and i can't meet you any where due to the programm am controlling in New Jersey,so i will like to pay you through Money Order, or US Postal Money Order, so get back to me with your full name and address of where you want the money to be deliver to and am going to pick up my goods after , so i will like to handle the shipping myself. so get back to me soon

Here is another offer from one Mary Luis of the UK...

Thanks for your prompt reply.And am very sorry to ask if the item works very perfect,It is because of some unsincire craigslist seller who display bad item,but now that you have promise that the item work very perfect,I think i can proceed with the payment. Actually, I will be paying through bidpay money order and its not necessary that you should be a member before i can make payment because am already a member.

I think its better and safe and secure because, once i make payment and the payment is approved., its sure that the seller or whoever that is involved will definately receive the money order and thats why it takes them hours to approve after payment.The money order will be delivered to your door step upon approval of payment by bidpay. Payment will be mailed to you in first class mail by (Royal Mail Courier services) and a tracking number will be provided to you which will allow you to track your payment online and will be mailed to your address in 3 to 5 business day first class mail, once its processed.

As soon as payment tracking number is given unto you which signifies that payment is on the way, i mean, as soon as you track the payment online and see it coming, i will like to ship the item immediately due to the urgent need of the item,because am presenting it as a gift to my inlaw who is celebrating her birthday on monday in africa.,And i will like her to receive the package before her birthday date.I shall be paying you $1000.I want you to please buy a good box to wrap the package so it can look very presentable .

As for the shipping, you dont have to pay a dime for it cos i will be responsible for the shipping to destination.Upon approval of payment,i will send you a fed-ex prepaid shipping label to you which you will affix on the package before its picked up from you.I w ill like to hear from you if this is okay by you,Just end the bid.let me have your full name and address as it will be written on the money order so that i can proceed with the payment.

I think I may start to post random things for sale just to see what other sorts of interesting offers I receive.

In other news, its friday woot woot!

Now go see walk the line!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

31 reasons Chuck Norris ownz joo

Aw man, I think I made it to #15 before I officially pee'd my pantalones.

  1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  2. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
  3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
  4. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
  5. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  6. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
  7. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
  8. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
  9. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
  10. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  11. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
  12. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  13. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
  14. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
  15. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
  16. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
  17. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
  18. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
  19. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
  20. Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
  21. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
  22. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
  23. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
  24. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
  25. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
  26. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
  27. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
  28. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
  29. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
  30. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
  31. Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The great elevator race of 1993

While on a break I decided to take up a new hobby, recreational elevator riding. Actually, I just wanted to go get an egg sammich at the deli downstairs. Anyhow, deja vu decided to strike and for some odd reason an elevator related memory popped in my head.

Back in the day (summer of 1993) some friends and I took a road trip to Ocean city and stayed at a friend's condo. It was an older building, but it did have an elevator, which was nice considering my friend lived on the 8th or 9th floor. One night we got all gassed up on Bartles and James and decided to head down to the boardwalk.

While waiting for the elevator, I bet my friends I could run down the stairs faster than they could take the elevator. I really thought I could do it, at least until I got to the 5th floor. I then decided to get off on each of the remaining floors and press the button (so that the trolley would stop and wait on each floor). Unfortunately, the idea came 30 seconds after the elevator passed the 5th floor.

I just wanted to share that, cause the bible sez sharing is good.

Greatest Tag Team Eva!

Yet another reason supporting the superiority of the 80's and all of its fantastic products...the emergance of THE best pair a wreslters, Hawk and Animal AKA the L.O.D. AKA The Road Warriors.

Just wanted to throw some props their way, although I just read that Hawk is flying a little higher these days. Apparently he passed away at the age of 45 from a heart attack a few years ago.

In other news, I'm in Philly and will probably go the duration of my trip sans cheesesteak.

Talk amongst yourselves; I'll post more later.

PS my new year's resolution is to break this record.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

A horse on the loose

Any weekend that starts by witnessing an escaped carriage horse running down a busy street is bound to be interesting on several levels. This weekend's adventure included a trip to richmond and my first "sticky rice" experience. I now have yet another reason to adore that city.

The honorable Siever-san sold me on the idea of dining at a Sushi joint which prided itself on selling PBR in cans, both 12 ounce and deliciously evil 24 ounce tall boys (as evidenced by the scan of the beer menu I ganked above). Then he dropped the bomb of sticky rice's other specialty, tater tots sold in a big ass steel pail.

Tots in a pail F yeah (imagine that sung to the tune of the Team America theme song).

As if copious tots in a garden pail and PBR tall boys were not enough, the descriptions in the beer menu are sheer genius. See the image below for a sampling or check out the website for the full list.

It was a grand time indeed and I have the headache today to support that claim.

But the fun didn't start there. Oh no. Along my travels, I saw a fire on that little patch of land in between the inner-loop and outer-loop of 495 and thought to myself, those damn french are invading. Then, when flipping through the current ish of EW, I saw this...

Hmmmm, clever play on words, but talk about extremely poopy timing. I wonder if they will issue any sort of apology. As of yet, nothing is listed on their website. It reminds me of a poorly timed viral marketing campaign for the Nissan Altima. Nissan sent folks on their mailing list a really suspicious looking packing that resemble a giant medicine container. The jist of the ad was something like, you have a fever and the only prescription is more Altima! Unfortunately, the launch fell right at the same time folks were getting weird packages with Anthrax. ewwwww. Not so good. Nissan did send out a letter of apology though.

Carry on.

PS who wins in a fight, Krav Maga or Tae Kwon Do?

Friday, November 11, 2005


I think am officially well or as well as I am going to be, so it is ok once again to poke fun at the sick and infirmed. Actually, my gripe is with the medical system itself.

Last week's visit to the clinic, while effective at procuring "los meds" took my confidence in the medical profession down a peg or two. Despite consuming enough tussin to start to seeing matrix-like effects, I still suffered a litany of aches, pains and generally felt like poop. I was thoroughly convinced I had fallen victim to the bubonic plague or maybe even scurvy.

Not even close. According to Dr. Yi, I had....(insert sound of wheel spinning) a sinus infection. Man, either I am just a wussus maximus or Dr. Yi took a shot in the dark, crossed her fingers and assigned a macro antibiotic strong enough to wreck shop on any bacteria baddies in my system, the one and only Z-pak (it's the 2 pac of meds).

Funny. It was the same med I got last year for my "bronchitis." At the end of the day, it doesn't matter cause I am better.

What is the a point to this post?

Hey look, another man on fire!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Only 45 more shopping days till Christmas...

Time to start working on a wish list.

I've been a good boy this year. I deserve something fun, something special, something that say's "yeah you've got skills."

I want a unicorn spearing a mime.

That's not too much to ask for is it?

Thanks archie mcphee!

Taser to offer stun gun cameras

I read this headline on CNN this morning in hopes that it was a teaser for an entirely different product, the stun gun camera phone. That would be one really great bad idea, and sadly enough, probably not that far off from reality.

Can you imagine? Someone figures out how to hack into the system and prank call unsuspecting folks with several thousand gigawatts. (Gigawatts, giga-who? Giggidity giggidity goo). Nevermind me, that's just the 'tussin talkin.

Sorry, no shock phones today, but rather the article details how Taser will develop a stun gun that allows the stunner to take pictures, possibile even video of the stun-ee. The need for such a product emerged after controversey surrounding an incident where police tasered a 6 year old.

Not sure where I was going with this or how best to wrap this post up.

Look a man on fire!

Friday, November 04, 2005

And in the news this week

Star Trek's Sulu comes out of the closet, annoucing he has gone were no man has gone before and has been doing so for the past 18 years.

In other news, George Bush's popularity reaches a new low. He responds by giving up his steady diet of school children and now only eats kitten.

More news to come...