You can put lipstick on a pig...

but it is still a pig. Or in this case a Food Lion.

In my heart of hearts, I have always been a dirty old man and as such take pride in such domestic activities as drinking bum wines and checking out new supermarkets.

New players on the market circuit are far and few between, so you can only imagine my joy when I caught wind of Bloom. Unfortunately, that wind turned out to be more of a fart, when I discovered this swank new supermarket was nothing more than a re-branded Food Lion.

Who you foolin with that mess? You can't pawn yourself off as a swank new grocery store and then stock your endcap with Steel Reserve 211.

Now don't get me wrong, I luvs me a store that stocks end caps with 40s, but let's not pretend to be something that we aren't. We don't live in opposite world. We needs to keep it real!

Food dawg! That's the budget grocery store that I know and love! Plus all your 18 wheelers tout they drive 65MPH or less!

My college days Friday night ritual involved swinging by Da' Lion to cop me two luke warm 40s of Magnum* and a pack of orange tic-tacs. Total cost $2.89, hands down the most fun you can have for under 3 bucks. And I made sure to let the cashier know that every time.

Anyhow Bloom, let's be clear, we know who you are and where you're from. And if you plan on keeping this farce up, you are hopping on the express train to Milli-vanilli-vile and destined to become the first grocery store to be featured on VH-1's behind the music. It's not too late to turn back.

*Not far enough up the beer chain at that time to rank "cooler" status.