This is why the Numark CDX CD players ARE BEAST!

This isn't necessarily how I would use them (I'm not a scratch DJ) but it does a great job showing the responsiveness of the CD decks and how well they approximate vinyl.



Yes, those are CD players. Don't let the vinyl platter fool you. That is there for one reason and one reason only, to give vinyl DJ's the input they are used to.

Did you know...

I'm not speaking from direct experience, but rather from an article I read in Car and Driver...

You can be charged with DUI for all kinds of unusual behavior. Here are some of the wackiest DUI arrests Total DUI has encountered:

When a 42-year-old man crashed a go-cart into a parked car on a public street, he was charged with DUI, fined $1,000, and given a two-year driver's license suspension.

Two Portage, Indiana women were charged with DUI after pushing a vehicle into a parked car. After the arrest, they were given blood alcohol tests to determine their blood alcohol contents. Both had BACs more than double the legal limit!

In Morristown, NJ, a man driving a zamboni around the Mennen Sports Arena ice rink was charged with DUI.

A charge of felony DUI resulted for a man in Vermont who decided to hop on his riding lawnmower while intoxicated.

Bill Murray, of Caddyshack fame, was arrested in Sweden after driving a golf cart to a restaurant while drunk. Murray refused a breath test, but could face jail time depending on his blood test results.

It also said that riding a bike or a horse while sauced could qualify as DUI.

The Happening is not

Save yourself the 90 minutes.

The best part*, by far, is the following line...

Marky mark as Main Character Elliot Smith who is a science teacher confronted by chaos and people going straight banoodles and demanding that he rise up, and tell them the plan to deal with said chaos....

All right, be scientific, douchebag. Identify the... rules... design the experiment... careful observation, measurements, that's what I'm trying to do, interpret the experimental pattern, interpret...

*it really isn't even that good. But I enjoyed it as I work in market research and enjoy a good Mark Wahlberg film as much as the next guy.

M. Night Shamalammadingdong, you are slippin, son!

Racebook er Facebook

The FB experiment just got a little bit more interesting and perhaps disturbing...

Maybe I baited the hook a bit here, but shortly after joining facebook, I joined a group within facebook that shares a common interest in the proud consumption of fiscally responsible beverages. This group is called "I drink ole english 800 and am not ashamed to admit it."

Shortly thereafter, I started getting ads like this piped in...

Yes, an ad asking "Is your credit whack?"

I dunno seems a tad bit shady to me. Why not go ahead and pipe in an ad for an escalade full of fried chicken while your at it racebook!

I also signed up to be a member of the John Deere fan club and shudder to think of the forthcoming ads for Skoal and DIY crystal meth labs.

Oh facebook, you so crazy!

Now it is time to start gaming the system to see what kind of off color ads I might be able to summon.

Wings SON!

Going, Going, Gone...

A few weeks ago me and the wife took a trip to go see her pops. While there he gave her a pretty cool gift, an 4 panel photo featuring a pint of Guinness progressing from full to empty.

At the precise moment I laid my eyes on that art, I knew what had to be done, replicate it with a 40.

So last night while hanging out with some friends, we enjoyed a nice dinner of fried chicken and various kinds of competitive beverages. The result is the picture above. For the first 4 pictures, I took great care not to disturb the environment of the shot. This called for the creation of an "I drink your OE milkshake" device (i.e. three super long straws from Popeye's taped together. This allowed me to consumer the beverage without moving the bottle.

I once heard that if you drank beer through a straw you got drunker faster. I think last night may have supported that claim. As I was prepping for the last shot, all my dedicated efforts went right out the door. As I was finishing the 40 I was appalled to see that it was no longer on the table, but in my right hand.

Shazbot! so much for consistent placement. And if you look closely, you can see an Ice Cube cd which mysterious appears in the last shot. I hate to burst your bubble. It is not some ghetto voodoo reward, whereas a gangsta rap cd magically appears after you finish your 40. Rather, my dumbass put it there not thinking about wrecking the shot.

Speaking of wrecking shots, I am pretty sure that is not a UFO in the upper righthand corner of the last shot. No, that is probably my sausage finger getting in the way.

Hooray.

Anyhow, the great thing is that I can chalk all of the above up to being artistic. Yes, that's the ticket.

Fair is Fair

A few posts back I was on the fence about Everlast's cover of Folsom Prison Blues, and for me it will continue to be one of those continually unresolved questions.

I like the idea.

I like the concept for the video.

I am sure I would have gone totally apey if he dropped that unexpectedly at a concert.

I like that the Cash clan backed the project 100%.

But there is something about the execution (especially in the video) the dances dangerously close to the minature pony territory covered in the previous post.

SO I am still on the fence.

However, I will say to not let that stand in the way of checking out the rest of the album. There are a couple of really interesting tracks. Some seem to approach a very loungey almost Groove Armada style ambient sound. A good example is Ocean.

The cool thing about Everlast is that he is not overly concerned with being wedded to one musical style. He likes to experiment and cross genre lines. His musical career has progressed quite a bit from his House of Pain roots.

Saddle up!

So this pic probably needs some 'splainin, and more detail beyond my good friend MC going for a ride on a minature pony.

About a week or two ago I got a call from MC, he was in Midway on a layover flying home for his little brother's wedding. During the conversation he filled me in on some of the details regarding the wedding. I was with him till about point 4.b...

1) Groom wanted an olde school (yeah old with an e) style 1900's british tea party theme, complete with pin striped tuxes with tails, white gloves, canes and top hats.

2) In keeping with point #1 he wanted an officiant with a british accent, the thicker and less understandable the better. He somehow managed to find one.

3) Expresso bar

4) Hired a classical flutist and harp player

4b) Said musicians were only allowed to play arrangements of the grooms favorite Cartoon themes and songs (i.e. Ren & Stimpy's happy happy joy joy)

5) Hire a dozen or so minature ponies to roam the ground during the ceremony and reception

While I'm not sure exactly where the point is, I am sure that somewhere between 4b and 5, the line between personal touches and straight up fucking with people gets crossed.

Eitherway, all the guests got free mini pony rides, and the is more than I can say for a few of the weddings I have been to in my time.

Happy Birthday Trapper Keeper!

Wii Jesus H! Would you believe me if I told you that trapper keeper is almost old enough to drink?

And would you believe me if I told you that they are still going strong?

Egregious Brand Extension

WTF does John Deere have to do with fruit flavored snacks?

I work with "brand" on a daily basis, and this has to be one of the most blatantly bat shit crazy examples of brand extension I have seen in a while, but given that I like John Deere, I like fruit flavor snacks, and I really like the random Will Ferrell-esque combination (you know, they go together naturally, like midgets and q-tips) I will let this one slide.

I swiped this photo from some dude's flickr account and got a double score in their observation and linkage to JD's slogan...Nothing Runs Like a Deere. Said flickr dude noted, you might want to pick up some Immodium along with that. And you know, he is right. Those snacks are chuck full of Vitamin C, and I am pretty sure too much vitamin c = the trots. Oh wait, was that a line there? Did I just cross it? Sorry about that.

Now I have been somewhat critical of these snacks so far and in all fairness, they are simply intended to be the male counterpart to the Dora the explora fruit snacks located right next to the John Deere's. The thing is, couldn't the creatives come up with something a little bit more comparable? Like GI Joe? Or transformers? Or Go-bots for pete's sake?

Go-bot fruit flavored snacks would be MONSTER! I bet Urban Outfitters would even sell them (probably for $19.99 a box).

Hmmmmmmmmm, when did the copyright expire on Go-bots again???????

There's drunk...

and then there is DEEEEEEE-runk!

I think this case falls into the latter.

In case you don't feel like chasing that link, I'll summarize. The article is about a 50 year old man who got so royally shitfaced, he had to take a bus home. After getting off the bus he went to his house, ate a crab cake, then went to bed.

Only he got off at the wrong bus stop.

So the house he went into, and said crab cake that he ate, belonged to someone else, total strangers.

These strangers came home after a nice dinner at a chinese buffet and the mother started questioning the son about the mess in the kitchen and whether he ate the crab cake. He denied the claim.

The father then wandered upstairs into his bedroom and turned on the lights only to discover a strange pantless man sleeping in their bed.

The police were called to sort this whole goldie locks and the three bears mess out and in the end, it was all just a misunderstanding.

That has to be the most liberal use of misunderstanding I have seen in a long time.

The article did not mention the offender's name a no charges were pressed, but I have my theories. Isn't David Hasselhoff in town for the knight rider convention?

Co-worker banter

I was cleaning out my email and came across a rather jovial exchange from a while back and given that a) I am a totally unoriginal bastard these days and b) I am a totally forgetful bastard these days (I may have posted this in the past but don't recall and c) with regard to points A and B I am a totally indifferent bastard, here it goes...

(To set the stage we used to have office gangs, based on which side of the building you were sitting, it was a very scary, dangerous, dark and misogonystic time).

K-Dubs AKA K-Weezy AKA KW: West Side is the best! Down with East side!


R to the I AKA RI: Only women sit on the west side.
(note: at the time, anytime we would want to bring someone down or through salt in their game, we would emasculate their accomplishment by adding Only women INSERT ACCOMPLISHMENT).


KW: Damn, beat T15 to it!


T15: Only women beat T15 to it.


KW: Oh Snap!!!!!


T15: Only women use five exclamation points.


RI: Only women notice the use of exclamation points.


T15: I would say Touche, but only women say Touche. Consequently, sit on it.


RI: Only women would want to say touche but not say it cuz they think only a woman would say it. (Now its getting increasingly complex) Yeah, I know . . . only women make things increasingly complex.


KW: Only women are observant enough to notice complexities. Men would just say it's that time of the month and start singing the Transformer's theme song while getting chewed out for the previous comment.

If you had to choose to be a transformer which one would you be?? ***No choosing to be the one that is like 5 different ones joined together (Dino-bots, Contructa-bots, etc.)


T15: Only someone who wants to be a women transformer would try and change the nature of this email thread...

KW---->

RI: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I almost peed in my pants!! YEah I know, only women almost pee in their pants.


Thankfully we have come out of the dark ages and our email exchanges have improved in their content.

Well no, not really.

KW and RI left and with them the frat boy humor fostered by an office full of young bucks.

*sigh* time to go file my TPS report.