Tuesday, April 22, 2008
It's sorta lika a hot pocket flavored hot pocket...
Monday, April 21, 2008
Ultimo Grosso
Amongst this weekend's adventures, I found myself wandering through a World Market, suffering from low blood sugar driven urges to buy stuff I have no business buying.
Two examples included a Gummi bear the size of my fist as well as a bag of foreign candy called Silky Nuts. INSERT TASTELESS JOKE HERE.
I also bought some Hummus to go, which is a single serving stored in an odd triangular pouch, identical to those used for those minute maid popsicles.
Despite my delusions, I DID NOT BUY the bag of Kewpie Mayonnaise. I couldn't tell for sure if the bag in the bag was shaped like an actual Kewpie doll, but given that it was imported from Japan, I am not totally ruling the idea out.
I think I may have found a gold mine for Christmas 2008 Stocking Stuffers. Nothing says happy birthday baby Jesus like a bag full of mayo from the land of the rising sun.
Two examples included a Gummi bear the size of my fist as well as a bag of foreign candy called Silky Nuts. INSERT TASTELESS JOKE HERE.
I also bought some Hummus to go, which is a single serving stored in an odd triangular pouch, identical to those used for those minute maid popsicles.
Despite my delusions, I DID NOT BUY the bag of Kewpie Mayonnaise. I couldn't tell for sure if the bag in the bag was shaped like an actual Kewpie doll, but given that it was imported from Japan, I am not totally ruling the idea out.
I think I may have found a gold mine for Christmas 2008 Stocking Stuffers. Nothing says happy birthday baby Jesus like a bag full of mayo from the land of the rising sun.
Friday, April 18, 2008
babies are the new black
Van damn! People are getting knocked up right and left round here.
Did Jodeci re-release Forever my lady?
It matters not! Babies are on the way, and if there is one thing I know, luck favors the prepared and here is some SOLID advice rooted in pseudo-scientific fact...
I am not saying anything, BUT, I did see some interesting findings with regard to the relationship between playing video games and deviant behavior.
A recent study showed that excessive playing of violent video games EXCLUSIVELY was a marker of tendency of increased aggression, violence, and anti-social behavior.
Interestingly enough, NOT PLAYING ANY video games was also a similar marker.
So what does that mean? Well, quite simply, it is your duty as a responsible parent to not only provide opportunity and access to video games, but a well stocked, wide library of games as well. So for even Grand Theft Auto game you will need a guitar hero 3 to ensure a well rounded video game environment.
Proper parenting dictates that you really need to go get that Wii just as much as you need that crib and stroller.
Did Jodeci re-release Forever my lady?
It matters not! Babies are on the way, and if there is one thing I know, luck favors the prepared and here is some SOLID advice rooted in pseudo-scientific fact...
I am not saying anything, BUT, I did see some interesting findings with regard to the relationship between playing video games and deviant behavior.
A recent study showed that excessive playing of violent video games EXCLUSIVELY was a marker of tendency of increased aggression, violence, and anti-social behavior.
Interestingly enough, NOT PLAYING ANY video games was also a similar marker.
So what does that mean? Well, quite simply, it is your duty as a responsible parent to not only provide opportunity and access to video games, but a well stocked, wide library of games as well. So for even Grand Theft Auto game you will need a guitar hero 3 to ensure a well rounded video game environment.
Proper parenting dictates that you really need to go get that Wii just as much as you need that crib and stroller.
Lock it!
The Nobody post from a few days ago spawned some interesting wikipedia findings with regard to the history of locking.
The beginning of Locking can be traced to one man, Don Campbell. In the late 1960s he put together several fad dances adding moves of his own (notably the "Lock") when performing.
The original lock was created by accident: Don Campbell couldn't do a move called the Funky Chicken and stopped at a particular point. He wasn't able to perform it fluently, for he couldn't remember which step to take next. (Even the acting towards the audience was of spontaneous nature: people started laughing at Don because of his unfamiliar moves, whereas he started pointing at them.) These halts soon became popular as Don added them into his performances.
The resulting dance was called Campbellocking, which was later shortened to Locking.
In the early 1970s this set off a movement of Locking dance groups. The most notable was when Campbell formed the dance group The Lockers [T15 note: this is the group in the commercial] and set the foundation for locking dance and clothes style.
Now you know what it is, here is how you doooooz it...
Alpha/applejax/Oilwells --One leg is kicked forward from a crouching position while the upper body is lent backwards supported by both hands.
Bop-top --a bop top is where you make a 70s face step with it and some hand gesture
Box split --A semi-split done with one leg bent, which enables the dancer to get up again in one swift movement.
Crazy horse or Whichaway --Altering kicks to the sides with right and left legs, upper body stationary with arms in front as if holding reins .
Funky Broadway --Moving the feet from a 'V' position to an upside-down 'V' position, while moving to the side. The body generally lags behind.
Funky Chicken --Feet move from side to side with small kicks each way, while moving the body up and down. (This is different from the James Brown Funky Chicken.)
Groove Walk or Rock-Steady or The Bump ---Stepping forward, the hip of your front foot is thrusted towards the front foot, brought back, dipped forward towards the front foot as you take a step with your back foot (sometimes used to get across the dance floor with some funk in your step)
Hop kick --A high, quick kick of one leg while standing straight on the other.
Knee Drop -- Drop to the knees with knees pointing inwards (into a W shape leg position).
Leo Walk --A funky two step where the first is an exaggerated step in a particular direction, followed by sliding of the second foot along the floor to meet the first
Lock --Bending slightly forward with arms forming a circle downward, as if lifting a heavy object.
Pacing --A quick punch to the side, with hand starting just below the shoulder. (Fist should still be open.)
Stomp the cockroach --Going down on one knee, with the other leg pointing out to the side, then pounding the floor.
Scooby doo --Taking a stationary forward step, then making a Lock
Scooby walk --Walking forward, stopping and bending knees outward with each step
Scootbot or scoobop --Skipping while making the motion of an exaggerated step to the left or right.
The Skeeter Rabbit-- a kick and shiffle hop move
Stop-and-go/Busstop--Taking a step back and to the left/right, then forward again.
Uncle Sam points --A quick, extended pointing gesture, usually held for a few seconds for emphasis
Wrist roll or Twirl --Twirling wrists while moving arms up and down in pace.
The beginning of Locking can be traced to one man, Don Campbell. In the late 1960s he put together several fad dances adding moves of his own (notably the "Lock") when performing.
The original lock was created by accident: Don Campbell couldn't do a move called the Funky Chicken and stopped at a particular point. He wasn't able to perform it fluently, for he couldn't remember which step to take next. (Even the acting towards the audience was of spontaneous nature: people started laughing at Don because of his unfamiliar moves, whereas he started pointing at them.) These halts soon became popular as Don added them into his performances.
The resulting dance was called Campbellocking, which was later shortened to Locking.
In the early 1970s this set off a movement of Locking dance groups. The most notable was when Campbell formed the dance group The Lockers [T15 note: this is the group in the commercial] and set the foundation for locking dance and clothes style.
Now you know what it is, here is how you doooooz it...
Alpha/applejax/Oilwells --One leg is kicked forward from a crouching position while the upper body is lent backwards supported by both hands.
Bop-top --a bop top is where you make a 70s face step with it and some hand gesture
Box split --A semi-split done with one leg bent, which enables the dancer to get up again in one swift movement.
Crazy horse or Whichaway --Altering kicks to the sides with right and left legs, upper body stationary with arms in front as if holding reins .
Funky Broadway --Moving the feet from a 'V' position to an upside-down 'V' position, while moving to the side. The body generally lags behind.
Funky Chicken --Feet move from side to side with small kicks each way, while moving the body up and down. (This is different from the James Brown Funky Chicken.)
Groove Walk or Rock-Steady or The Bump ---Stepping forward, the hip of your front foot is thrusted towards the front foot, brought back, dipped forward towards the front foot as you take a step with your back foot (sometimes used to get across the dance floor with some funk in your step)
Hop kick --A high, quick kick of one leg while standing straight on the other.
Knee Drop -- Drop to the knees with knees pointing inwards (into a W shape leg position).
Leo Walk --A funky two step where the first is an exaggerated step in a particular direction, followed by sliding of the second foot along the floor to meet the first
Lock --Bending slightly forward with arms forming a circle downward, as if lifting a heavy object.
Pacing --A quick punch to the side, with hand starting just below the shoulder. (Fist should still be open.)
Stomp the cockroach --Going down on one knee, with the other leg pointing out to the side, then pounding the floor.
Scooby doo --Taking a stationary forward step, then making a Lock
Scooby walk --Walking forward, stopping and bending knees outward with each step
Scootbot or scoobop --Skipping while making the motion of an exaggerated step to the left or right.
The Skeeter Rabbit-- a kick and shiffle hop move
Stop-and-go/Busstop--Taking a step back and to the left/right, then forward again.
Uncle Sam points --A quick, extended pointing gesture, usually held for a few seconds for emphasis
Wrist roll or Twirl --Twirling wrists while moving arms up and down in pace.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Barracuda
I know some of you don't want to deal with the hot tranny mess of watching that whole video from a few posts below, so here is a picture that basically sums it up...
I swear, no photoshop.
I swear, no photoshop.
Friday, April 11, 2008
And then there is this...
Would you believe me if I said Heart dropped by American Idol's Give Back special to grace us with a little Barracuda?
Probably.
But what if I told you halfway through the song that Neo-Yoko Ono skeezer Fergie crashes the party and starts doing one-handed cartwheels?
Would you believe me then?
I doubt it. Heck I know I didn't believe it when I heard it. But unfortunately for us all here is the proof...
Probably.
But what if I told you halfway through the song that Neo-Yoko Ono skeezer Fergie crashes the party and starts doing one-handed cartwheels?
Would you believe me then?
I doubt it. Heck I know I didn't believe it when I heard it. But unfortunately for us all here is the proof...
Thursday, April 10, 2008
There is irony and there is just plain wrong
Ok now it is twice that I have witnessed a scene that has caused me to pause and think, that is just plain wrong, and trust me, after 12 years of Catholic school, it takes quite a bit to rattle my cage.
Leaving the gym I saw a car drive away with special Cancer Awareness plates (complete with matching pink ribbon magnets) and a tag that read something to the effect of SRVIVR.
HOW THE HELL CAN YOU GO AROUND CHAMPIONING CANCER AWARENESS AND THE HOTBOX A FREAKING PARLIMENT?
Who still smokes?
Neh, who still smokes with the windows up?
Nehmore, who still smokes with the windows up on the warmest day of the year so far?
Nehfurthremore, who still smokes with the windows up on the warmest day of the year so far while trying to raise awareness of Cancer?
Granted there may be a difference between lung cancer and breast cancer, but the big C is the big C.
This whole scene is like trying to raise awareness of the energy crisis by holding a 3200 mile cross country race between a Hummer, a suburban, and an Excursion.
Leaving the gym I saw a car drive away with special Cancer Awareness plates (complete with matching pink ribbon magnets) and a tag that read something to the effect of SRVIVR.
HOW THE HELL CAN YOU GO AROUND CHAMPIONING CANCER AWARENESS AND THE HOTBOX A FREAKING PARLIMENT?
Who still smokes?
Neh, who still smokes with the windows up?
Nehmore, who still smokes with the windows up on the warmest day of the year so far?
Nehfurthremore, who still smokes with the windows up on the warmest day of the year so far while trying to raise awareness of Cancer?
Granted there may be a difference between lung cancer and breast cancer, but the big C is the big C.
This whole scene is like trying to raise awareness of the energy crisis by holding a 3200 mile cross country race between a Hummer, a suburban, and an Excursion.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Writers Strike
Thank goodness it is over, but did you ever wonder what those creative types did over the weeks when they were not busy devising plots for Lost or Heros?
Now I can not conclusively prove this, but the data in my Spam inbox suggests that they kept the lights on by coming up with and selling engaging taglines for spam.
The uncreative crap titles such as "Add 3 inches overnight" and "Size DOES matter" have been replaced with new and exciting offers including:
Enjoy a sizzling love life with your new instrument.
Whip out the anaconda in your pants and watch her eyes light up with excitement.
Having a larger rocket in your pocket gives you more confidence both in life and around women.
Imagine if you could have a 9 inch tool in your pants - NOW YOU CAN.
Very nice random emailers, very nice.
Now I can not conclusively prove this, but the data in my Spam inbox suggests that they kept the lights on by coming up with and selling engaging taglines for spam.
The uncreative crap titles such as "Add 3 inches overnight" and "Size DOES matter" have been replaced with new and exciting offers including:
Enjoy a sizzling love life with your new instrument.
Whip out the anaconda in your pants and watch her eyes light up with excitement.
Having a larger rocket in your pocket gives you more confidence both in life and around women.
Imagine if you could have a 9 inch tool in your pants - NOW YOU CAN.
Very nice random emailers, very nice.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Why are you so angry?
I was in line behind some guy at 7-eleven today who makes ME look patient.
He went from under his breath grumbling to full on F-bomb dropping in a blink of an eye when the sales clerk took just a little too long to select just the right big bite for another customer. Finally he threw down $5 and yelled Gimme five on the van. I guess that's when things started to make sense.
1) Nobody likes to wait -- This was the step that primed the pump
2) He was driving a mini-van -- That is a powdered keg for almost anyone under 35
3) He only had five dollars for gas -- What is that, like a gallon and a half?
The combination of these three things pretty much set the stage for a FOX 5 breaking news event if I ever saw one.
I dunno. Maybe he was also having a bad day to boot. Perhaps a little too much St. Patty's day celebration, maybe he is the victim of some crazy rumor. The possibilities are endless.
Maybe some of you are asking, what kind of rumor could be that enraging? Well as an example, and I am not saying this rumor did get started, but it very easily could have, this past weekend we caught up with some old friends for 30th birthday party.
One of invities named "Matty" called to indicate that he had a blast at the DC 101Shamrockfest and was absolutely piss-bent and would not be making it to the party. I think the message went like this. HJBIOP fqoi ewrrivf qwioecn9pqper oernpwerv. Dill pickles.
About five minutes later, in a different conversation someone spoke of how their dog "Maddie" pooped out a sock earlier in the day.
You don't have to be a rocket scientist to see the potential implications of someone overhearing Mattie got bombed and Maddie pooped a sock.
I think that is precisely the type of rumor worthy of dropping an F-bomb or two at a slow poke big bite wrangler.
He went from under his breath grumbling to full on F-bomb dropping in a blink of an eye when the sales clerk took just a little too long to select just the right big bite for another customer. Finally he threw down $5 and yelled Gimme five on the van. I guess that's when things started to make sense.
1) Nobody likes to wait -- This was the step that primed the pump
2) He was driving a mini-van -- That is a powdered keg for almost anyone under 35
3) He only had five dollars for gas -- What is that, like a gallon and a half?
The combination of these three things pretty much set the stage for a FOX 5 breaking news event if I ever saw one.
I dunno. Maybe he was also having a bad day to boot. Perhaps a little too much St. Patty's day celebration, maybe he is the victim of some crazy rumor. The possibilities are endless.
Maybe some of you are asking, what kind of rumor could be that enraging? Well as an example, and I am not saying this rumor did get started, but it very easily could have, this past weekend we caught up with some old friends for 30th birthday party.
One of invities named "Matty" called to indicate that he had a blast at the DC 101Shamrockfest and was absolutely piss-bent and would not be making it to the party. I think the message went like this. HJBIOP fqoi ewrrivf qwioecn9pqper oernpwerv. Dill pickles.
About five minutes later, in a different conversation someone spoke of how their dog "Maddie" pooped out a sock earlier in the day.
You don't have to be a rocket scientist to see the potential implications of someone overhearing Mattie got bombed and Maddie pooped a sock.
I think that is precisely the type of rumor worthy of dropping an F-bomb or two at a slow poke big bite wrangler.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Meat-o-nomics
What started out as a rather innocuous what’s going on this weekend? Email evolved into what is quite possibly the most intellectually provocative string of replies my eyes have seen in this year 2008. I have taken liberties to summarize the thread and truncated the names to protect the innocent.
Without further ado I present Meat-o-nomics 2008…
G-man: Anything exciting going on this weekend?
P-vo: Dc tonight for happy hour to meet an old roommate. Working on an econ mid-term all day tomorrow. Tomorrow night going to dc to meet another old roommate then to adams morgan.
G-man: econ mid-term, eh? I got a good thesis topic for you.... Quantify the elasticity between El Crank (Spanish for the Crank—note Spanishification added by T-15) and the national hot dog supply.
P-vo: I wish all test questions were that easy. El Crank has an extremely high price elasticity of demand when it comes to the consumption of hot dogs, i.e. if there is a large change in price in hot dogs, the quantity desired changes drastically. I would consider there to be a price ceiling on this elasticity however, I can only imagine El Crank at the grocery store looking at a $10 package of hot dogs, shaking his head and exclaiming “$10 for a package of hot dogs! I’ve never paid $10 for a package of hot dogs!” At this point we would need to discuss the availability of and his propensity to consume substitutes…but that would be an entirely different lecture altogether.
El Crank: I don't think you can have an educated discussion about Economics without the use of Charts. See attached.
T-15: Asketh and ye shall receiveth!
Ok technically speaking that is not a hot dog. Likewise, technically speaking I am no graphics designer wiz.
Eitherway, a meat product curve is a meat product curve.
Without further ado I present Meat-o-nomics 2008…
G-man: Anything exciting going on this weekend?
P-vo: Dc tonight for happy hour to meet an old roommate. Working on an econ mid-term all day tomorrow. Tomorrow night going to dc to meet another old roommate then to adams morgan.
G-man: econ mid-term, eh? I got a good thesis topic for you.... Quantify the elasticity between El Crank (Spanish for the Crank—note Spanishification added by T-15) and the national hot dog supply.
P-vo: I wish all test questions were that easy. El Crank has an extremely high price elasticity of demand when it comes to the consumption of hot dogs, i.e. if there is a large change in price in hot dogs, the quantity desired changes drastically. I would consider there to be a price ceiling on this elasticity however, I can only imagine El Crank at the grocery store looking at a $10 package of hot dogs, shaking his head and exclaiming “$10 for a package of hot dogs! I’ve never paid $10 for a package of hot dogs!” At this point we would need to discuss the availability of and his propensity to consume substitutes…but that would be an entirely different lecture altogether.
El Crank: I don't think you can have an educated discussion about Economics without the use of Charts. See attached.
P-vo: What would have been real funny is if the curve were constructed out of an actual hotdog. It is interesting to note that the curve never touches the x axis, meaning the crank's demand for hot dogs never reaches 0, thus destroying the concept of diminishing marginal utility and utterly blowing my mind!
T-15: Asketh and ye shall receiveth!
Ok technically speaking that is not a hot dog. Likewise, technically speaking I am no graphics designer wiz.
Eitherway, a meat product curve is a meat product curve.
Friday, March 07, 2008
Big Mac Index
In a rather creative approach to understand the value of the dollar, some fatty economist devised a Big Mac index, showing what a Big Mac would cost around the world once you convert the local selling price into USD...
Five most expensive
1) Iceland - US 7.44
2) Norway - US 6.63
3) Switzerland - US 5.05
4) Denmark - US 4.84
5) Sweden - US 4.59
Five most affordable
1) China - US 1.41
2) Hong Kong - US 1.54
3) Malaysia - US 1.57
4) Venezuela - US 1.58
5) Egypt - US 1.60
In other news I have eaten at Mcdonalds in two of the 10 markets listed above and fully agree. I think I paid close to $16 for a McChiken "Value" meal in Zurich and about $3.50 for a McArabia meal in Cairo.
Five most expensive
1) Iceland - US 7.44
2) Norway - US 6.63
3) Switzerland - US 5.05
4) Denmark - US 4.84
5) Sweden - US 4.59
Five most affordable
1) China - US 1.41
2) Hong Kong - US 1.54
3) Malaysia - US 1.57
4) Venezuela - US 1.58
5) Egypt - US 1.60
In other news I have eaten at Mcdonalds in two of the 10 markets listed above and fully agree. I think I paid close to $16 for a McChiken "Value" meal in Zurich and about $3.50 for a McArabia meal in Cairo.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Friday, February 29, 2008
Foreshadowing...
I'll leak some tasty info that should be on the down-low, but that is only due to the fact that all but one of the participants, Tricktickler Burr Loco, don't be knowing bout da T-15 bliggity blog.
You see, as part of the adventure, new, exciting, and original shirts are being encouraged and I am running off two special prints tonight.
One for me...
And one for ole Tricktickler...
Anyhow, it will make for an interesting evening, that is for sure.
Oh did I mention we will have the premier viewing of the terror of tiny town? Yeah, it is going to be that kind of night.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Rap is something you do, Hip Hop is a way of life...
It is interesting to see Hip Hop embraced at this level, given that for so long it was considered more of a sub-culture (if not a total counter-culture). Twenty years ago, this sort of graffiti was considered vandalism and it's creators the dregs of society. Now it is on display in the same building which houses one of the most famous paintings of George Washington.
There is an interesting bit to that as well.We had a hard time making our way to the wing which features the portraits of the presidents. There was a hugh bottleneck at the bathrooms before you reached that wing. Why the bottleneck?
After first being rejected by the National Museum of American History, Colbert petitioned the Smithsonian to display his portrait, who agreed to "go along with the joke," though they stress that it is only temporary. Colbert said "I don't mean to brag, but as it contains three portraits, my portrait has more portraits than any other portrait in the National Portrait Gallery." (Wikipedia).
Now here is the real kicker. Despite the portrait being a bit of a "joke" and the Smithsonian's reluctance to display it, the crowd waiting to get a glimpse of it was easily ten-fold of that found in front of ANY of the portraits in the presidential wing. I would wager that portrait is fully driving a third of the traffic to the museum, if not more.
Something tells me Colbert would be pleased.
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