So long... farewell... Auf wiedersehen... Goodbye!

Yesterday we had to say goodbye to a good friend who left the company I work for. Upon his departure, he sent a goodbye letter out via email

I found the original draft the goodbye letter, which is slightly different than what was sent.

Quite the colorful writer if I do say so myself,
----------------------------
Final version that was sent

Hey Everyone,

It's Departure-Day! I'm leaving the company, Reston and soon even the Great Commonwealth of Virginia to pursue other dreams.

My exit interview paperwork asks "What did you like most about the company and your job?" That's a no-brainer. You guys have been the best thing about working here. I can honestly and genuinely say I like every one in this office personally and that I think is rare.

My email is [removed] -- use it, keep in touch and let me know how life treats ya.

Best of luck to all of you!
John

---------------------------------------------
Original Draft

Hey losers!

I'm getting the F#$K out of here. Thanks to your shennanigans and computer savviness of a retarded monkey, not only am I leaving the company, I am leaving the entire f'ing state of Virginia. I know some of you are slow, so let me spell it out for you...I am getting as far away from the daily nightmare saturated with your dumbasses as possible (in case that my superior intellect is further tainted my your ass-hattery antics).

My exit interview paperwork asks "what did you like most about the company and your job?" That's a no brainer. Hands down the best thing about working here is taking this exit interview and wiping my ass with it after taking an "upper-decker" in the fourth floor bathroom. I could deliver that answer in poo slathered writing, but unlike most of you savages, I am a gentlemen, so I won't. I also refilled the yellow ink cartridges with hobo urine.

You guys have been the best thing about working here. I mean, who can say that they have worked with an entire cast of missing links? I can honestly and genuinely say I like imagining the inevitable deaths of every one in this office such as eating cactus, walking into open elevator shafts, and staring at the sun with a telescope only to blindly wandering into small aircraft propellers.

My new email address is I_am_your_financial_daddy@eatshitanddie.com . Feel free and send me emails that will be routed straight into my junk mail folder. Your requests for where to find the CYAN printer cartridges will be in good company of wang enlargement supplements and black market prescription medications.

Best of luck with that new "coffee"
--John