C'mon Frito Lay, now you are just messing with me...

Fritos are quite tasty as is, no doubt, but keeping with industry standards and evolving tastes, the continue the quest for the next flavor breakthrough.

And their latest offering is....

Tangy roasted corn Fritos.

Um, let me get this straight. The best you can do is to come up with a corn flavored corn chip?

You are totally fucking with me right?

Cause if not, I really hope someone in the bowels of the Frito Lay HQ is putting the smackdown on R&D right about now.

What did you do? Hire the lead researcher away from Hot Pockets? The same guy who came up with the chicken pot pie hot pocket (the same hot pocket flavored hot pocket that Jim Gaffigan so often rants about)?

Granted, as low rent as a corn flavored corn chip is, at least they are being honest, unlike those sneaky bastards at doritos.

Kickin it old skool

Look, I'll be the first to admit that I care not for the comedic stylings of one Jamie Kennedy, especially after the Malibu's most wanted fiasco.

Needless to say, I had low expectations* for his recent offering, kicking it old skool, but decided to give it a shot as it features Bobby Lee and included Rowdy Roddy Piper in the credits (yet he was no where to be seen in the actual film).

I have to say I was pleasently surprised. Maybe it was seeing all those 80s-tastic toys in the credit or a rat tail less than 5 minutes in, but this movie is worth a watch on the 80s nostalgia alone.

A nice added bonus was discovering the D. Ramirez Remix of Bodyrox's "Yeah Yeah" featured in the dance off between a bunch of face painted freaks called the Misfitz and a You got served kinda crew.



That track is just plain swank!

As a second nice treat, Adolfo "Shabba-Doo" Quinones AKA Ozone from 1984's Breakin was in charge of choreography. RADICAL! I am not sure if it was his doing or not, but there is a deliberate nod to Turbo AKA Bugaloo Shrimp's dancing with the broom rountine.

If not for anything else, watch it for the Hoff cameo.


* I'm talking midget on his knees low

Stay classy hacksaw...

While at a friend's wedding this past weekend I met an interesting fellow who goes by the name "hacksaw."

We swapped stories about the Boondock Saints and he told me his goal in life is to curb stomp someone. It's good to have goals in life. Right?

Did I say he was an interesting fellow?

During the day he works at the NY Renn Fest.

As a pirate.

During the night we works at some sort of boarding house for Renn. Fest women.

His role must be tied to guest services, as he said inherent to his job duties is to make sure patrons are satisfied with their stay and recently one such lady required his "manly" services in order to be fully satisfied.

Yowzers!

Let that sink in for a moment.

Yes, I met a pirate hooker.

Did I mention he was an interesting fellow?

Rollin down the street, sippin on prune juice..

Aw man, as if I have not faced enough depressing events in the last few weeks, I happened across this.

For you busta's too lazy to be clicking on links, the article linked above is a review of Death Row Record's special 15th anniversary release.

Sweet 6.2 ounce baby jesus in a blanket, tell me it has not been 15 years since Snoop was rockin the airwaves with his johnson baby powder and cool water cologne.

15 years?

Dizamn! That album is older enough for it's learners permit, which means it is only a few months before it starts asking for the keys to the car and all that mess.

Well, I guess it is not all bad. In fact, the album is quite good.

I recently took a trip to AC and while riding up, I was rocking the 2 cd set, which is quite nice. I joked with my passenger about how fun it would be to roll into the Borgata rockin Compton hats, and heading straight to the roulette wheel to bet on black.

I could picture the chain of events so cleary...

Topic15 & Fu (pronounced few): Chip me up for a hundrizzle, fo rizzle and put all that shizzle all on da blackness my nizzle!

Wheel attendent: Um, what are you asking for?

Fu: Damn professor peckerwood! Are you deaf? He said put a hundred on black, you crackajack Mofo!

Wheel attendent: Are you sure?

Topic15 & Fu: WTF you think (as we point to out compton hats).

Yeah that wouldn't be something.

Although I really don't think the Borgata is down with those types of antics.



The whole point of the trip was to celebrate a friend's last weekend as a bachelor. Me and Fu had some time to kill before the guest of honor and the rest of his entourage arrived.

Five hours to be exact.

That is what happens when you roll with a gypsy, 5 hour delays and such. We hit up the corner likka store, played some games at the arcade, had dinner, and then we decided to rock some black 8 action.

As my second attempt, I concur the findings of my initial efforts. Simply delicious. Unexpected and unnaturally tasty.

It is pretty interesting, as the first time I tried a black 8 was with the honorable Burr, and he felt that the OE was gonna ruin the guinness. Fu, conversely, was deathly affraid that the guinness was going to taint the OE. Both were pleasantly pleased with the outcome. I may have to host a black 8 event to share this joy with the world at some point in time.

All in all, the night was good and we stayed out of trouble.

The only real regret I have is betting $40 on the number 8 in roulette, but c'mon, think about it....

$40 on the number 8, which not only happens to be my favorite number but is also black.

Black...
8...
40...

The significance of hitting that number would have been chilling to say the least.

Instead it was some jive weak red number that the greek next to me bet on.

Malaka!

One more reason the neighbor's hate me...

This weekend, I decided to "pimp my ride" and by pimp my ride, I mean install the world's most annoying horns.


This video really does not do the horns justice. They sound like running over a nest full of inebriated, and somewhat mentally challenged pterodactyls.

King James comes correct...

You may have heard of a Longaberger basket, but have you ever heard of a Long Beach basket?

Cause if not, break yo'self fool, for hands down the most gangsta wedding present on record...

Among the tasty treats hidden in the ghetto-fabulous cornacopia of flava are 2 40's (Bull Bull and that hateful SOB Steelie 211) and a Big ole bag of cheese doodles. There was a nice card and some Mike's, but we all know where the real action is!

Nice work James! You have raised the bar (by lowering the bar) and for that I am much obliged!

Where you at T-15?

I know my blogging has been sparse over the past few weeks, and some of you have been asking? Where's topic15 at?

Is he still mourning the death of hip-hop as seen through the tricky interplay of rap and wrap in Mcdonald's latest commercials?

Nope.

Even worse.

Look, I know I have different views than your average boo boo bear, but I have been absolutely floored by the fact that some creepy dude who plays with dolls for a living beat out Cas Haley in the America's got Talent competition.

It is a crying shame.

And for that, there has been no posting.

Well that and I have been RE-DIGGITTY-DONK-ULOUSLY busy at work these past few weeks.

So until I find some witty observations, drink too much cough syrup or take some pictures of my home made koolickle experiment, hang tight and enjoy this clip of Cas Haley in action with his band woodbelly.

NIN vs Garbage

Here's another little mash-up I made...

2004 WRX Stock Wheels

Koolickles

What's the latest food craze sweeping gas station and seedy counters across the nation?



Kool aid pickles or Koolickles for those in the know are dill pickles that have been soaked in Kool Aid (often Cherry or Fruit Punch) using a top secret tecnnique, which I am about to reveal.



Careful, pay attention now. This is a very complex 3 step process.


Step 1. Make your self a pitcher of Kool Aid





Step 2. Throw some Dill pickles all up in that Kool Aid





Step 3. Let those two ingredients make sweet sweet love for 24 hours




Awwwwwww yeah!

Culture of Fear

Sheesh!

Well apparently scammers have learned the utility of using fear as a motivator to giving up personal information, either via email or the phone.

I recently received an email warning of the latest instances of scams, which are essentially online extortion rackets. Basically these are SPAM messages which appear to come from a hit man who has been hired to give you a dirt nap. And give explicit instructions on how you can buy them off.

Other versions are derived from this approach and come from a spoofed FBI investigator who needs to verify your information for "security" purposes.

You can read all about it on the FBI website.

Thanks, I'll take the restless leg syndrome

Not that I have it (that I know of), but I can not imagine the symptoms associated with this condition would be severe enough to offset the potential side effects from managing this condition with rx meds.

I saw a commercial a few days ago and the voice over indicated side effects are generally mild, but may include uncontrollable urges to gamble and falling asleep without warning while engaged in normal daily activities such as driving.

What is the treatment? A ruffie-colada?

Jesus, I'll stick with the creepy crawly legs instead of risking getting the urge to drive out to Vegas, then fall asleep while enroute.

We've got a strong team this year...

Go USA!

Where are they now?

Remember those freaky singing animal robots from Chuck E Cheese?

They are back...

Deviant Tendencies

Ok, so more examples of just how simple it could be to be a restaurant quality A-hole.

While on my recent international travels, I saw no shortage of folks toting around the new Harry Potter.

I also saw no shortage of online hub-bub about spoilers and how hard it was for folks to try and keep it real and save themselves for all of JK's twists in the final chapter of the scarred wizard.

Everytime I saw one of these muggles, I really had to fight the urge to start spouting off random bits of misinformation such as "RON IS GAY!" or "VOLDEMORT IS HARRY'S REAL FATHER!"

But thankfully, for them, my medula oblongata works like a charm and keeps these jack-assery impulses in check.

Thankfully for me as well.

You see, while waiting in line at the border check point in Texas, my mental gears started turning in their twisted ways and my mind was flooded with the sorts of things you probably don't want to say to the customs/immigration officer when he waves you up for inspection.

Things like:

(1) Cheering like a Muslim --- LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA
(2) Scream Hilary in 2008 whoooooooo!
(3) Stating that Texas is full of steers and queers and I don't see any horns on you
(4) Declaring Toby Keith is a communist
(5) Yelling Ozzie was right (ps he peed on the alamo and was banned from texas for several years)

Before deivant thought #6 cropped up, a booming announcement came over the PA stating something to the effect that jokes or inappropriate comments at the airport would result in fines and imprisonment, and prison in Texas means a trip to see ole sparky.

Daaaaaaaamn, I am glad my funky cold medula was on point that day.

Chocolate Rain

This video is blowing up for some reason...

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

After 2+ weeks of radio, er, blog silence, topic15 makes a late night return, coming off a two week honeymoon excursion to Mexico and let me tell you, it was a doozy.

I had the best fajitas, and the worst tostadas.

I drank all sorts of tequilla, good, bad and the ugly, a shot from a large jar containing a rattlesnake, which I am told is good to curb arthritis. Also good to clean brake dust off rotors, polish brass and do another half dozen other random things.

My wife and I went to Chichen Itza, one of the new 7 wonders of the world and shopped at a Mexican costco.


I got a hella sick tan so that I now look like I might actually be 1/4 lebanese, or as peter griffen would say, my skin is kinda dark so I look like a mexican or perhaps some kind of italian.



We walked by Sammy H's Cabo Wabo Cantina and have a whole new appreciation for storm drains, thanks to the thick funk of excrement from the previous night's patrons having nowhere to go except evaporate in the hot mexican sun.

We met some interesting people who told us a little too much information for having just met, such as how they ravaged a bathroom with vomit on a pirate ship used in "hook" during a romantic sunset cruise.

We learned that Pulpo means octopus and that the broadcast networks of eastern mexico really like eddie murphy and scooby doo movies.

Driving in mexico is pretty much like that 80s arcade game Outrun, except with hoopties instead of nice lambo's.

Cultural differences make appearances from time to time. One such exception comes in the a new form of animal cruelty, not unlike the bullfights, cockfights or dog fights from the past. I managed to sneak a quick video, and while I do not condone such action I think it is important to know what really goes on, after hours, in certain parts of town...

Like padlocking a dog turd...

“Transformers” was shipped to theaters on seven reels in two separate cases under the name "Cobra."

Several of the reels were shipped in cans that had a timelock on it. Motion picture presentation specialists could build up the trailers and the first three reels, but had to wait until a certain date and time before they could open the second can and build up the rest of the print. This would prevent any pre-release screenings that could end up being captured by another device (like a camcorder).

Film reels four through seven were locked with a master-lock combination four-digit lock. The combination to this lock is director Michael Bay's birthday, 0217 or Febuary 17th.

Ok, ok, the padlocking a turd was a bit harsh. The movie was not all that bad. Overall, it was what one would expect, generically, from a summer movie. Cool cars, good looking people, explosions and a camaro peeing on a government agent.

Ooops. I probably should have called spoiler on that last one.

I liked a lot about the movie. For instance, Bernie Mac's onsite petting zoo at Bobby Bolivia's used car lot.

Or watching the fatman play DDR then run through a sliding glass door while trying to escape the man.

Or maybe the loose cannon cop who grills little whitwicky when the cop flashes his gun "what's up 50 cent, you eyeballin my piece? What you gonna do about it?"

All of this equity was squandered in one fell swoop when they gave megatron teeth. WTF Michael Bay? First you give Optimus Prime lips (gross). And now this? You better have some good explanation for this in the sequel.

Perhaps, as a young robot, Megatron was gyped by the cybertronian tooth fairy. Or maybe had a bad experience with the dentist. All shaping young 'tron to become the villian he grew up to be.

If only the remake was as good as this...

You got the touch!