Where did the past month go?

Sweet pappy molassy, has it really been nearly a month since my last post?

For shame!

Well in my defense, work has been disturbingly busy and I was out of the country for a while. The former is not so much blogworthy, while the latter, well there were some choice instances.

Where do I begin?

How about with the Ridiculous Race? As I grow older, so does my distrust of all things, so I was not going to let United Airlines take responsibility for my in flight entertainment --thank goodness as they were showing probably the worst lot of inflight movies I have ever had opportunity to watch, and I watched the Herbie the love bug remake with Lohan and some french version of a Top Gun knock off called Les Chevaliers.

But I digress... the ridiculous race is the true story of two friends who randomly decided to race each other around the world going in different directions....without using airplanes. The first to return to LA and drink their glass of the most expensive scotch they could find (which would be poured into their designated glasses at the start of the race) would be declared the winner.

It should be noted that this book is written by 1 writer from American Dad and 1 writer from My name is Earl. The race starts with one contestant trying to handcuff the other and plaster PEDOPHILE bumperstickers all over him. Yeah it is that kind of book. Good to read when you are trying to ignore the romper-room flight you discover you are on, full of lil demonspawn kids kicking your seat for 3+ hours.

Once in Mexico, things settled down and I learned a few important things....


LESSON #1 -- Immigration takes the Occupation field on your entry for VERY SERIOUSLY.

During what I thought was some idle poolside bar conversation, I joked about listing Stunt Car Driver as my profession on the form. I got a "dude, that's not funny look" from a couple we were chatting with. Apparently, he put down BOTANIST, his true profession, and they immigration agents took great interest in him, so much, that they pulled him into a special room for questioning.

ZOIKS!


LESSON #2 -- Mexico REALLY likes Scooby Doo.

For the second year running, I was amazed by the fact that there was a 99% chance that there was some sort of Scooby Doo cartoon or movie playing on one of the 3 english speaking stations we received in our room.


LESSON #3 -- Mother Nature always gives warning sides.

Not that they are necessarily heeded, but if one looks, they can usually see some form of foreshadowing before shit starts popping off...the buzz of an angry rattlesnake flicking its tail, the pawing of the ground by an irrate bison, a bar top full of crushed cans of coors light at an all you can drink bar (with selections far better than coors light). I thought of this as a warning sign as I approached the bar and laughed it off, mockingly. Within seconds, I saw shots of tequila going around. Then in the blink of an eye, a loud SMASH, yelling and pieces of shattered plastic drink tumblers flew everywhere. Some total douche bag who was far too old for such ass clown antics, spiked his cup on the floor at the feet of our bartender.

Cool, calm and collected, despite having the world's sweatiest chin, he picked up the phone and started whispering. The ass clown's friend, ass-clown II, asked, hey friend, are you calling the cops? The bartender smiled and said yes and then laughed. But not the kind of, HA HA just kidding laugh, the I just sent a gringo to mexican jail laugh.

The ass-clown posse scattered the 4 ways of the wind.


LESSON # 4 COPS is an Acronym.

In Europe it is short for Constipole on Patrol. The meaning is slightly different in latin america. It translates more accurately to Cougars on Patrol. Maybe it was coincidence, maybe not, but a few short minutes after the call was made, a group of 40-something year old ladies in their pink cowboy hats and Bon Jovi bikini's made their way over to and on top of the pool bar to start dancing. They even brought they own music in the form of a Ipod that played one song and one song only, Estelle's American Boy. They drank, they danced, they took over the outside rec-room and started teaching kick-box--aerobics. I kid you not.


LESSON #5 -- Someone has perfected the art of packing lightly yet always bringing spare underwear.

Holy shit. I have seen some crazy things in my life, but for me, this is damn near at the top. While waiting for our bags in customs after our return flight home, we were hanging out by the baggage claim. Soon it was buzzing and whirring where in most places it means bags are forthcoming, but in Dulles it means it might be another hour or so. Eventually, I saw them creeping up the conveyor belt and soon there was a steady stream of non-descript black bags. Just to break up the monotony there was one pair of grey drawers. They were wet and flopping along the belt like a slinky. They looked to be for women, but given the international nature of the flight, that is not a given. I am sure my words do this no justice and I am saddend by that fact (well that and the fact that they prohibit photography in the customs hall--otherwise the grey drawer slinky would be on YOUTUBE right this very moment).

All in all it was a good trip and I will try and write more often. At least once before the third week of august.

Happy Rick, er birthday....

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Phil Collin's vocals are sacred!

Here is my rework of my latest remix...

Kentucky's Best Kept Secret

Post 402 in da house!

Here is my latest project...

Stacking the deck

OK, so those rebel brewers are setting the stage for their very own election. Here are the two candidates...

Samuel Adams Blackberry Witbier The aroma has distinct Blackberry notes with a subtle spice character. We brewed a traditional witbier with orange peel and coriander, and then added a hint of blackberry. The flavor is very complex with malt and cereal notes, intense spice and citrus flavors and a smooth, sweet/tart finish.

Samuel Adams Coffee Stout This stout is "dry beaned" with coffee beans from Rwanda*. Known as the "land of a thousand hills", Rwanda produces some of the world's finest coffee due to its volcanic soil, high altitude and plentiful rain. We start with a full-bodied stout brewed with a special blend of roasted barley and dark crystal malt, and then age if for two weeks on whole coffee beans- ¾ of a pound per barrel. The result is a rich roasty flavor with a smooth finish.

* For this stout we are proud to be using Rwandan coffee from The Thousand Hills Coffee Company. Thousand Hills' proceeds help subsidize and support the building of schools in Rwanda. We are thrilled to support Thousand Hills and are excited that they made a special roast of coffee just for this beer.

Hmmmmm, Isn't that a bit unfair?

If you vote for the first one, aren't you basically saying they should not be building schools in Rwanda?

I would definitely vote for the stout. Not because I am especially socially responsible, but rather the thought of coriander in beer makes me throw up in my mouth a little. Just plain gross!

Age is just a number...

Well that's one way to spend the stimulus package...

It's called a Muni.

Muni is a truncation of Mountain Unicycle.

I was passed by one (going in the opposite direction) on the W&OD bike trail while on a 21 mile bike ride yesterday.

I cam damn close to wrecking because I was laughing so hard at the site of that thing.

Seriously?

New York to New Orleans in 4 days, and 1500 miles!

Wow.

Just wow.

It is not too often that something comes along and generates a perverse spark of excitement in your soul the way the american banger rally does.

What in tarnation is the American Banger Rally?

Well it is the demon seed of a bunch of deviant limey's, a test of courage, stupidity, and mechanical know how, but most of all, it sounds like a hell of a lot of fun.

This year's event is titled BABE which stands for Big Apple/Big Easy and will be a 1500 mile rally (not race) from Staten Island to New Orleans over the course of 4 days.

I take it you are not yet impressed.

Well here is the kicker, the maximum value/purchase price of your vehicle is $250, less than the black market rate for a Nintendo Wii.

Think of it as a Cannonball run for hoopties.

Even better, I know a participant in this year's event.

Introducing BT Justice racing!

PJ and posse have pimped a wagon in hommage to Smokey and the Bandit (quite nicely I might add) and are already enroute to the starting line. Wish them luck.

I am now on a mission to assemble a crack team of bangers for the 2009 and find a $250 windowless van for the A-Team, er maybe the B-team.

Obeyma--er, Obama

I tend to avoid political discourse in this blog for 2 reasons. One, I am not the most politically saavy cat on the block and two, people get way too serious about politics (especially non-saavy political cats) and we likes to keep it fun and fresh here at t-15.

However, like most rules, T-15 relishes in breaking them when there is good reason and good reason there is. Obama just picked up a key endorsement from a fine young man from South Carolina. No not John Edwards (although I imagine that was pretty clutch too), rather none other that he who brought us the deliciously disturbing imagery of Obey the giant, Shepard Fairey.

He says this on his site...

I believe with great conviction that Barack Obama should be the next President. I have been paying close attention to him since the Democratic convention in 2004. I feel that he is more a statesman than a politician. He was against the war when it was an unpopular position (and Hillary was for the war at that time), Obama is for energy and environmental conservation. He is for healthcare reform. Check him out for yourself www.barackobama.com.

Interestingly and much in line with his statement above, Fairey has wanted to support Obama through his unique "talents" but he held off until he received blessing from the man himself. The reason for the wait stems from Fairey's concern that his artwork and his interpretation of "use of public space" often bump up against legal grey areas and the last thing he wanted to do is sully the reputation of good ole Biz-rock! Much to his delight, Obama signed off on the venture and was thankful for his endorsement and support. There was an article about it in this weekend's post which outlines the whole thing in much nicer detail than I can here, but I will include the excerpt about the letter...

Fairey rummages around on his desk and produces a letter from Obama himself. "Dear Shepard," the candidate writes. "I would like to thank you for using your talent in support of my campaign. The political messages involved in your work have encouraged Americans to believe they can help change the status quo. Your images have a profound effect on people, whether seen in a gallery or on a stop sign."

Messages. Images. Effect. Someone understands phenomenology. And the thing about stop signs? "He's kind of endorsing graffiti," Fairey says, "isn't he?"

Cool stuff. Almost dare I say it, Bill Clinton balancing the budget and still being a freak in the bed cool.

And despite the poltical purpose of the art, good ole Shep still sneaks in a little Obey the Giant action with Obama's lapel pin.

Now just because someone you like, likes a candidate, that is no good reason to vote for them.

You should vote for someone YOU relate to, someone who shares your beliefs and champions your values.

So as much as I like Fairey, his endorsement is not enough on it's own.

I need proof that he is a thinking man who can see potential for greatness and execute against it.

Early on, I saw similarities between Barack and The Rock, in terms of the speaking styles, and even to a lesser degree their looks. I know the WWF consitituents will be of great importance this election and I really thought it would be cool if he could somehow co-opt the rock's catch phrase --"Can you smell what the Rock is cooking?" And then I saw this.

Oh SNAP!

If he can pull my ideas out of the ether like that, well say no more. I can dig it.

Hell or High Watermelon

Now I know by the sounds and looks of the can above, I am sure many of you are probably shuddering in disgust of the prospect of watermelon infused beer, but I can honestly say that stuff is way too good. Disturbingly good. I have a can in my fridge and I don't know how long it is going to stay in there good.

I sampled this bevvie this past weekend at Savor, a beer and food pairing event that featured 30 or so of this countries swankest craft brewers. The event was built around the concept of matching beer with food to either tease out or tone down certain flavors.

It was a hell of a good time. Besides being able to endlessly sample all sorts of food and beer, we also got to see Jim Koch (founder of Sam Adams) speak. If you ever have the opportunity to see the man speak, take it. He is a real cowboy and riot to hear speak. He talks of the dark ages of american brewing in the 80s and describes himself as a member of a band of rebel forces hellbent on taking down the deathstar of Miller, Bud and Coors and the relatively tastebud numbing swill they produce. He did not trash talk their product, rather he said that ice cold refreshment of light ales is one of the nicest properties of beer, he just doesn't make that kind of beer. Rather he brews his family recipe from the 1800s, during the 1st golden age of american craft brewing. Beers that are designed to have complex tastes which are meant to be enjoyed (rather than merely seeking cold refreshment).

All in all it was a great day.

Oh and the watermelon beer? Only available in San Francisco at the moment. Destined to reach the east coast in about 2 years. Hopefully. Looks like I will need to really make that can last afterall.

It was formerly called "Lumps of Delight"...

Ok, I am going to resist the urge to "go there" with this post and keep it high brow for a Friday.

Lumps of delight is an English reference to Turkish Delight. Ever since seeing the snotty brother request a batch from the ice queen, I have been curious as to what in the heck that marshmallowly looking stuff is.

We I can conclusively say, it ain't marshmallowy, but it is delightful. It is like a giant orange slice dipped in powdered sugar (instead of the knobby granular sugar coating you typically see) and like lucky charms, it is magically delicious.

A second bennie from taking the Lebanese Cooking class was that the class took place in the basement of the Lebanese Taverna/Market and we got to load up on a variety of ethnic groceries, including but not limited to a big ass box of Turkish Delight.

They had a 2nd variety flavored with Rosewater, which is quite popular in parts of Asia and the Middle East. Personally, I will pass. I imagine it would pretty much equate to eating a bowl full of pot-pouri from Grandma's bathroom.

Where art thou, Topic15?

I know it has been a while, but there has been a lot going on in the T-15 clan these past few weeks, none of which is exactly blog-worthy, least not blog worthy in the smart ass stylings this blog prides itself upon.

Then I saw last night's episode of american idol which featured an appearance by form idol winner Fantasia. The performance was pointless except for a shot of Simon's face when he got a good look at Fantansia.

Since winning, Fantasia has kept busy making albums and climbing ugly trees and falling out of them, only to hit every limb on the way down. I tried to do a google image search to find a picture from last night's performance but came up short. As a proxy I did a google image search on chupacabra and well that is a fairly good, albiet slightly slender approximation.

In other news, I saw Iron Man and as Ron Burgandy would put it, that movie is the balls. I would have like to have heard Black Sabbath a bit earlier than the closing credits, but that is really my only critique.

In other, other news, me and the wifey took a cooking class at the Lebanese Taverna last night and who knew that Burghul Pilaf would be so damn good! Besides learning how to prep and cook a few dishes, we also got some good knife handling techniques, so watch out now! My prison shanking technique has just leveled up to one step closer to Samurai.

Oh Dat's Nice

It's sorta lika a hot pocket flavored hot pocket...

but waaaaaaaaay cooler...

Yes, someone figured out how to cram a fully functional ninetendo into a nintendo cartridge.

That is freaking awesome!

You can read more about it here.

And it you were hoping for a more literal hot pocket related post, go here.

Ultimo Grosso

Amongst this weekend's adventures, I found myself wandering through a World Market, suffering from low blood sugar driven urges to buy stuff I have no business buying.

Two examples included a Gummi bear the size of my fist as well as a bag of foreign candy called Silky Nuts. INSERT TASTELESS JOKE HERE.

I also bought some Hummus to go, which is a single serving stored in an odd triangular pouch, identical to those used for those minute maid popsicles.

Despite my delusions, I DID NOT BUY the bag of Kewpie Mayonnaise. I couldn't tell for sure if the bag in the bag was shaped like an actual Kewpie doll, but given that it was imported from Japan, I am not totally ruling the idea out.

I think I may have found a gold mine for Christmas 2008 Stocking Stuffers. Nothing says happy birthday baby Jesus like a bag full of mayo from the land of the rising sun.

babies are the new black

Van damn! People are getting knocked up right and left round here.

Did Jodeci re-release Forever my lady?

It matters not! Babies are on the way, and if there is one thing I know, luck favors the prepared and here is some SOLID advice rooted in pseudo-scientific fact...

I am not saying anything, BUT, I did see some interesting findings with regard to the relationship between playing video games and deviant behavior.

A recent study showed that excessive playing of violent video games EXCLUSIVELY was a marker of tendency of increased aggression, violence, and anti-social behavior.

Interestingly enough, NOT PLAYING ANY video games was also a similar marker.

So what does that mean? Well, quite simply, it is your duty as a responsible parent to not only provide opportunity and access to video games, but a well stocked, wide library of games as well. So for even Grand Theft Auto game you will need a guitar hero 3 to ensure a well rounded video game environment.

Proper parenting dictates that you really need to go get that Wii just as much as you need that crib and stroller.

Lock it!

The Nobody post from a few days ago spawned some interesting wikipedia findings with regard to the history of locking.

The beginning of Locking can be traced to one man, Don Campbell. In the late 1960s he put together several fad dances adding moves of his own (notably the "Lock") when performing.
The original lock was created by accident: Don Campbell couldn't do a move called the Funky Chicken and stopped at a particular point. He wasn't able to perform it fluently, for he couldn't remember which step to take next. (Even the acting towards the audience was of spontaneous nature: people started laughing at Don because of his unfamiliar moves, whereas he started pointing at them.) These halts soon became popular as Don added them into his performances.

The resulting dance was called Campbellocking, which was later shortened to Locking.

In the early 1970s this set off a movement of Locking dance groups. The most notable was when Campbell formed the dance group The Lockers [T15 note: this is the group in the commercial] and set the foundation for locking dance and clothes style.

Now you know what it is, here is how you doooooz it...

Alpha/applejax/Oilwells --One leg is kicked forward from a crouching position while the upper body is lent backwards supported by both hands.

Bop-top --a bop top is where you make a 70s face step with it and some hand gesture

Box split --A semi-split done with one leg bent, which enables the dancer to get up again in one swift movement.

Crazy horse or Whichaway --Altering kicks to the sides with right and left legs, upper body stationary with arms in front as if holding reins .

Funky Broadway --Moving the feet from a 'V' position to an upside-down 'V' position, while moving to the side. The body generally lags behind.

Funky Chicken --Feet move from side to side with small kicks each way, while moving the body up and down. (This is different from the James Brown Funky Chicken.)

Groove Walk or Rock-Steady or The Bump ---Stepping forward, the hip of your front foot is thrusted towards the front foot, brought back, dipped forward towards the front foot as you take a step with your back foot (sometimes used to get across the dance floor with some funk in your step)

Hop kick --A high, quick kick of one leg while standing straight on the other.

Knee Drop -- Drop to the knees with knees pointing inwards (into a W shape leg position).

Leo Walk --A funky two step where the first is an exaggerated step in a particular direction, followed by sliding of the second foot along the floor to meet the first

Lock --Bending slightly forward with arms forming a circle downward, as if lifting a heavy object.
Pacing --A quick punch to the side, with hand starting just below the shoulder. (Fist should still be open.)

Stomp the cockroach --Going down on one knee, with the other leg pointing out to the side, then pounding the floor.

Scooby doo --Taking a stationary forward step, then making a Lock

Scooby walk --Walking forward, stopping and bending knees outward with each step

Scootbot or scoobop --Skipping while making the motion of an exaggerated step to the left or right.

The Skeeter Rabbit-- a kick and shiffle hop move

Stop-and-go/Busstop--Taking a step back and to the left/right, then forward again.

Uncle Sam points --A quick, extended pointing gesture, usually held for a few seconds for emphasis

Wrist roll or Twirl --Twirling wrists while moving arms up and down in pace.

Barracuda

I know some of you don't want to deal with the hot tranny mess of watching that whole video from a few posts below, so here is a picture that basically sums it up...

I swear, no photoshop.

Nobody!

Citizen Kane has nothing on this masterpiece...

And then there is this...

Would you believe me if I said Heart dropped by American Idol's Give Back special to grace us with a little Barracuda?

Probably.

But what if I told you halfway through the song that Neo-Yoko Ono skeezer Fergie crashes the party and starts doing one-handed cartwheels?

Would you believe me then?

I doubt it. Heck I know I didn't believe it when I heard it. But unfortunately for us all here is the proof...

Then there is irony and just plain right...

RIP Chuck.

There is irony and there is just plain wrong

Ok now it is twice that I have witnessed a scene that has caused me to pause and think, that is just plain wrong, and trust me, after 12 years of Catholic school, it takes quite a bit to rattle my cage.

Leaving the gym I saw a car drive away with special Cancer Awareness plates (complete with matching pink ribbon magnets) and a tag that read something to the effect of SRVIVR.

Now here is where things go wrong, really wrong. The car was being driven by someone smoking, smoking with the windows up nonetheless.

HOW THE HELL CAN YOU GO AROUND CHAMPIONING CANCER AWARENESS AND THE HOTBOX A FREAKING PARLIMENT?

Who still smokes?

Neh, who still smokes with the windows up?

Nehmore, who still smokes with the windows up on the warmest day of the year so far?

Nehfurthremore, who still smokes with the windows up on the warmest day of the year so far while trying to raise awareness of Cancer?

Granted there may be a difference between lung cancer and breast cancer, but the big C is the big C.

This whole scene is like trying to raise awareness of the energy crisis by holding a 3200 mile cross country race between a Hummer, a suburban, and an Excursion.

Putting the wee wee in Wii

It looks like R. Kelly may be getting his own game for the Wii.

Dear Santa...

Send it! Send it NOW! I'll even put the tree back up.

Writers Strike

Thank goodness it is over, but did you ever wonder what those creative types did over the weeks when they were not busy devising plots for Lost or Heros?

Now I can not conclusively prove this, but the data in my Spam inbox suggests that they kept the lights on by coming up with and selling engaging taglines for spam.

The uncreative crap titles such as "Add 3 inches overnight" and "Size DOES matter" have been replaced with new and exciting offers including:

Enjoy a sizzling love life with your new instrument.

Whip out the anaconda in your pants and watch her eyes light up with excitement.

Having a larger rocket in your pocket gives you more confidence both in life and around women.

Imagine if you could have a 9 inch tool in your pants - NOW YOU CAN.

Very nice random emailers, very nice.

Why are you so angry?

I was in line behind some guy at 7-eleven today who makes ME look patient.

He went from under his breath grumbling to full on F-bomb dropping in a blink of an eye when the sales clerk took just a little too long to select just the right big bite for another customer. Finally he threw down $5 and yelled Gimme five on the van. I guess that's when things started to make sense.

1) Nobody likes to wait -- This was the step that primed the pump
2) He was driving a mini-van -- That is a powdered keg for almost anyone under 35
3) He only had five dollars for gas -- What is that, like a gallon and a half?

The combination of these three things pretty much set the stage for a FOX 5 breaking news event if I ever saw one.

I dunno. Maybe he was also having a bad day to boot. Perhaps a little too much St. Patty's day celebration, maybe he is the victim of some crazy rumor. The possibilities are endless.

Maybe some of you are asking, what kind of rumor could be that enraging? Well as an example, and I am not saying this rumor did get started, but it very easily could have, this past weekend we caught up with some old friends for 30th birthday party.

One of invities named "Matty" called to indicate that he had a blast at the DC 101Shamrockfest and was absolutely piss-bent and would not be making it to the party. I think the message went like this. HJBIOP fqoi ewrrivf qwioecn9pqper oernpwerv. Dill pickles.

About five minutes later, in a different conversation someone spoke of how their dog "Maddie" pooped out a sock earlier in the day.

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to see the potential implications of someone overhearing Mattie got bombed and Maddie pooped a sock.

I think that is precisely the type of rumor worthy of dropping an F-bomb or two at a slow poke big bite wrangler.

Awareness Test

Meat-o-nomics

What started out as a rather innocuous what’s going on this weekend? Email evolved into what is quite possibly the most intellectually provocative string of replies my eyes have seen in this year 2008. I have taken liberties to summarize the thread and truncated the names to protect the innocent.

Without further ado I present Meat-o-nomics 2008…

G-man: Anything exciting going on this weekend?

P-vo: Dc tonight for happy hour to meet an old roommate. Working on an econ mid-term all day tomorrow. Tomorrow night going to dc to meet another old roommate then to adams morgan.

G-man: econ mid-term, eh? I got a good thesis topic for you.... Quantify the elasticity between El Crank (Spanish for the Crank—note Spanishification added by T-15) and the national hot dog supply.

P-vo: I wish all test questions were that easy. El Crank has an extremely high price elasticity of demand when it comes to the consumption of hot dogs, i.e. if there is a large change in price in hot dogs, the quantity desired changes drastically. I would consider there to be a price ceiling on this elasticity however, I can only imagine El Crank at the grocery store looking at a $10 package of hot dogs, shaking his head and exclaiming “$10 for a package of hot dogs! I’ve never paid $10 for a package of hot dogs!” At this point we would need to discuss the availability of and his propensity to consume substitutes…but that would be an entirely different lecture altogether.

El Crank: I don't think you can have an educated discussion about Economics without the use of Charts. See attached.

P-vo: What would have been real funny is if the curve were constructed out of an actual hotdog. It is interesting to note that the curve never touches the x axis, meaning the crank's demand for hot dogs never reaches 0, thus destroying the concept of diminishing marginal utility and utterly blowing my mind!

T-15: Asketh and ye shall receiveth!

Ok technically speaking that is not a hot dog. Likewise, technically speaking I am no graphics designer wiz.

Eitherway, a meat product curve is a meat product curve.

Big Mac Index

In a rather creative approach to understand the value of the dollar, some fatty economist devised a Big Mac index, showing what a Big Mac would cost around the world once you convert the local selling price into USD...

Five most expensive
1) Iceland - US 7.44
2) Norway - US 6.63
3) Switzerland - US 5.05
4) Denmark - US 4.84
5) Sweden - US 4.59

Five most affordable
1) China - US 1.41
2) Hong Kong - US 1.54
3) Malaysia - US 1.57
4) Venezuela - US 1.58
5) Egypt - US 1.60

In other news I have eaten at Mcdonalds in two of the 10 markets listed above and fully agree. I think I paid close to $16 for a McChiken "Value" meal in Zurich and about $3.50 for a McArabia meal in Cairo.

Hehehe...

Foreshadowing...

T-minus 28 hours and counting till the Richmond edition of EFH sets off with 5 brave souls.

I'll leak some tasty info that should be on the down-low, but that is only due to the fact that all but one of the participants, Tricktickler Burr Loco, don't be knowing bout da T-15 bliggity blog.

You see, as part of the adventure, new, exciting, and original shirts are being encouraged and I am running off two special prints tonight.

One for me...

A nice tribute to Eric Wright AKA Eazy-E of NWA fame and certainly no stranger to the creature (AKA Malt Liquor). I am pretty sure there is a scene in BoyZ in the Hood where a Chain Snatcher wearing a "We Want Easy" T-shirt creeps up on Ricky, grabs his links, only to get the mother of all beatdowns. I think that scene, in some ways, will symbolize tomorrow's activities. I will try and sneak up on the Olde Gold, but I am sure that 80 ounces of that rocket fuel in short order will beat me down.

And one for ole Tricktickler...

I don't even know where to start with this. I guess this is what you get when you roll with a crew that keeps on eye on the media for any relevant little people news, happens to know a brutha who knows a brutha who is a graphic artist, and is geared up for a little EFH action.

Anyhow, it will make for an interesting evening, that is for sure.

Oh did I mention we will have the premier viewing of the terror of tiny town? Yeah, it is going to be that kind of night.

Rap is something you do, Hip Hop is a way of life...

There is a pretty cool exhibit on display at the Smithsonian National Portrait Gallery through late October which features Hip Hop and contemporary Portraiture. The exhibit contains a blend of photographs, Graffiti, and modern intepretations of classic portraits using Hip Hop icons. The exhibit is somewhat limited, leaving you wanting more, but that is probably more of a tribute to the artist's originality and a desire to see more, than the exhibit being truly lacking.

It is interesting to see Hip Hop embraced at this level, given that for so long it was considered more of a sub-culture (if not a total counter-culture). Twenty years ago, this sort of graffiti was considered vandalism and it's creators the dregs of society. Now it is on display in the same building which houses one of the most famous paintings of George Washington.

There is an interesting bit to that as well.

We had a hard time making our way to the wing which features the portraits of the presidents. There was a hugh bottleneck at the bathrooms before you reached that wing. Why the bottleneck?

Well in the hallway, above the water fountian is a portrait of Steven Colbert in front of a portrait of Steven Colbert in front of a portrait of Steven Colbert (see random photo plucked from Google images above).

After first being rejected by the National Museum of American History, Colbert petitioned the Smithsonian to display his portrait, who agreed to "go along with the joke," though they stress that it is only temporary. Colbert said "I don't mean to brag, but as it contains three portraits, my portrait has more portraits than any other portrait in the National Portrait Gallery." (Wikipedia).

Now here is the real kicker. Despite the portrait being a bit of a "joke" and the Smithsonian's reluctance to display it, the crowd waiting to get a glimpse of it was easily ten-fold of that found in front of ANY of the portraits in the presidential wing. I would wager that portrait is fully driving a third of the traffic to the museum, if not more.

Something tells me Colbert would be pleased.

Why must you tease me?

Pabst just sponsored at art contest, and just look at the blue ribbon submission.

Tip of the cap to you Mr. Conway. And thanks for planting that image in my head, 5 months before crab season is in full swing.

Signs you still need to grow up...

You find this article laugh out loud funny, because the two ladies couldn't handle the slippery weenie.

Signs you are getting old...

You look across the parking lot and see a car and think to yourself, "Damn, that is a good looking car."

Only to get closer and realize it is a Volvo.

In my defense, a Volvo has no right looking this good:

This isn't the exact car I saw, but it comes pretty close. The one I saw was a swank Leguna Seca Blue (a color typically seen on high-end BMW M3's).

Looked a bit more like this (although with the stock wheels in the picture above or the painted grill--both are poor additions in my opinion stock looks much better).

I wonder if the Swedes are trying to give the German's a run for their Deutche Marks, er, I mean Euro.

Thanks for nothing, Lost

After damn near a year, I was expecting a bit more.

I didn't expect all the answers, but a couple would have been nice.

What did you deliver?

Nada.

And you took an hour of my time.

Honestly, I have had more interesting bowel movements than those 60 pointless minutes.

You know what hurts me the worst?

That we only get 8 freaking episodes. You think if you are only going to come out with half a season, you at least make sure it is dud free, and that you BRING IT with the first episode.

Season four current tally:

Good Shows = 0
Steaming Turds = 1

Yeah thanks a lot Lost.

Why don't you just go ahead and kill off Locke while you are at it.

Taco de Chapulines

My love of tacos only goes so far.

On a recent adventure I came across tacos de chapulines which in the menu were described as legendary. I guess they forgot to further qualify that as being legendarily gross.

You see, Taco de chapulines are, in fact, grasshopper tacos. It was a $4.50 adventure. How could I say no? Well, actually, just by saying no. I guess I was hoping they would somehow taste really good, defying my expectations in a chocolate covered pretzel kind of way.

Nope. Not even close.

There is a reason they make people eat crap like that on reality TV.

A dinner-mate best described them as tasting, hoppy, no pun intended (I think). They had a real earthy, bitter grassy taste, not unlike hops in beer. Two bites were more than sufficient to satiate my curiosity. Thankfully my back-up dish came through in a big way, mussels steamed in Tequila and garlic with a chipotle sauce.

After 1 taste adventure you would think I would have learned my lesson, well at least for the day, right?

Wrong.

Adventure #2

A scottish ale made with seaweed, as recommended by Lincoln, the beer hop at the Brick Skeller, a brew pub with more of the creature than one can fathom. Here is a sampling of their wares.

Ole kelpie was heads and shoulders above that hot mess of a taco, but sadly dissappointing for a $13 beer. Low ABV content, wish-washy aftertaste, and no real hint of seaweed to speak of. Rather, it sort of tasted like a cross between a porter and a bottle of aquafina.

Alas, despite the taco fiasco and half-stepping beer, the rest of weekend adventure was about as good as it gets.

Good friends, Ansel Adams, Hot Wings, Irish Car Bombs, Box seats at a hockey game, and our very own table at a packed night spot. One can not complain too much. chirp chirp chirp.

REMIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I heart snow days!

Soup to nutters

Of the various phrases that people wield conversationally that just sort of bug me is soup to nuts.

I don't know if my disdain stems from the idea of someone teabagging my boston clam chowder or that the first person I knew who used it regularly was a royal douchebag. Eitherway I just am not a big fan.

I have, however, been curious to its origin. I knew for some odd, unexplainable reason that it was the title of the very first episode of the Three Stooges, but that seemed to have very little bearing on the context in which that phrase is used.

Thanks to some e-search, I discovered that the phrase references the progression of a typical middle eastern meal (or typical of a traditional meal at some point in time), which would begin with an appetizer consisting of some form of soup, a main course, and a dessert which often featured nuts. Thus the phrase reflects the full course of a meal, from beginning to end, and has extended to reflect the full course of action in whatever context it is used.

We had a catered lunch today and in addition to your typical plate of chocolate chip cookies was a platter of delicious treats from here.

You CAN NOT go wrong with those. Well maybe with the one flavored with rosewater.

In an odd measure of synchronicity some dropped the soup to nuts phrase following lunch, and I challenged them on whether or not they knew the origin, and they did not, so I had to drop some knowledge on they azz. Booya!

It makes me wonder how often people non-chalantly throw around words or phrases they have no clue of what they really mean, only a vague understanding of their context.

Probably more often than not.

Solomon Asch would further stress the importance of context as being equal to, if not greater than the social act which occurs therein. One of my favorite quotes of his states:

Most social acts have to be understood in their setting and lose meaning of isolated. No error in thinking about social facts is more serious than failure to see their place and function.

I like that. That's nice. Like reunite on ice.

Under that wise, wise saying I have a picture of that guy who jumped into the Lion's den in a zoo in Taipei to try and convert the lions into Christians but then got bitten.

I think there is some relevant connection there.

Or maybe that dude is just plain old school nutters.

Baby's Laughter, You are on NOTICE!

Some will say there is nothing in life more precious than a baby's laughter.

Those noobs have obviously not experienced the enlightenment that is Call of Duty 4, online using the playstation 3. I would not describe myself as a serious gamer, much less a First Person Shooter (FPS) gamer, but after an hour playing a few online death matches I think I have seen the light.

Despite my complete and utter lack of skill and access to high power weapons available to high ranking players, I am content to lurk in the shadows (aka laying in the cut) with my shiv waiting to shank an unsuspecting player. I am getting pretty shank-tastic although my victories are almost always short lived, thanks to some A-hole with a sniper rifle hiding on a roof several virtual blocks away.

It is even funnier when kats are rocking headsets to talk smack and you roll up on them with the kak kak kak and hear them go UGGH! WTF!

As good as the game is, its true purpose is training season for the forthcoming end all be all installment of grand theft auto 4, which I predict is going to be a "where were you when 2 pac got shot*" kind of defining moment.

* BTW I was in Kennedy's car outside of the pantry, sipping on a 40, on my bid night.

Beyond Description

Anyone remember the movie terminator?

Sure you do, the flick where the artificial intelligence of machines eventually becomes so great, they decide they no longer need humans?

Well if you can imagine that movie staring toilets instead of Cyborgs, this is probably how it would begin.

The Honorable Hamm gave me the heads up to a previously unknown, nay, unfathomable world of high performance toilets, of which, Kohler proudly calls itself "The Performance Leader in Global Toilets."

You think this is a joke. You have no idea. I think I will be forever a changed man after viewing that site (like a 2 cups, 1 girl kind of way, only without the horror).

Their crowning jewel is the Class 5 EST Performance Toilet.

When I saw the title, I couldn't decide if the Class 5 is a nod to White Water Rapids or a Klingon Warship. Either apply equally. It looks as if the flushing power of that beast could choke down the most titanic of turds and its 1970's Burt Reynolds good looks of the tank allow it to seemlessly "cloak" into the most swank decor.

No one knows for sure what EST but after watching this video, I would bet it is an acronym for Enormous Shit Transporting. For the love of pete, did they just flush an entire toy chest of Pokemon balls down the drain?

Grab bag

Hey Kiddos!

It's been a while, so I have a few things I need to getz squared away since I have been neglecting ye olde blog as of late.

First, time for the news years resolution, to give more props...

Props to D & J who have their fishless aquarium posted on Ratemyaquarium.com yup a site to post, view, and vote on aquariums. Theirs is out there somewhere. If you stumble across one that looks like the roman coloseum, show them the vote love.


Next, props to JN for the tightest holiday card not featuring Billy Dee Williams (see above).

Knuckle pound to baby Jesus.


Next, props to Burr for getting married, but stopping off to race go karts first. Also, props to me, t-15 AKA Shake-N-Bake for turning in the 2nd fastest time. The fastest was spanky who sold his sole to the devil for the fastest time (I think).

Not sure if it is exactly "props" worthy but I did see a billboard for a website called http://www.notyourmothersmammogram.com/ while enroute to PA.

Props to G & N for a fun night out on the town complete with PBR and a letterman jacket with more medals than Mr. T, include one for Hulk Hogan leg drops.

Props to K-Lou for deciding to go to Ibiza before knowing it is the um-che-oom-che-oom-che foam club party capital of the world. Actually the whole London-Budapest-Ibiza excursion leads me to believe she is secretly a club DJ. I've got my eye on you DJ K-weezy.

Props to the wife for many fine Christmas gifts including but not limited to a device called: "How many days ago did you open that food." I could explain, but just trust me. It's real. It's cool. More information here.

Another reason I love and give mad propa-loppaz to da Sheetz. I saw these on sale, at the counter, as an impulse buy purchase.

Props for everyone.

Except the new American Gladiators show.

I just watched it and wish my eyeballs were getting lasered right now. It is plain awful. Too much chatter, not enough batter. I don't give 2 shizzles for the contestant's perspective, just get in that giant hampster ball and start running.

Damn you writers strike. Damn you!

Farewell good friend

After a long, hard, well fought 3 year battle with Kidney Disease, we had to let a member of the T-15 clan go yesterday.

Despite never quite mastering the jumping through the hula-hoop trick, Ms. Bailey Peabody AKA Rosa Parks AKA Officer Hooks AKA Darth Bailey truly was more of a cat and companion than we could have ever asked for.

You will be truly missed.

Um, so what's up with that creepy baby?

On a recent adventure to Dallas, I decided to read the airline magazine to pass time while enroute. While flipping through the pages I saw the most disturbing image of the blinged out baby and seeing as it is the season of sharing, I wanted to pass that along to each and everyone of you. No need to thank me.

All in all, it was a pretty good haul this year. I need to take some pictures of some of my more interesting gifts, as words won't do them justice.

Stay tuned.

Happy Holidays!

Are you feeling tough?

24.

One superbad bullet dodged...

When the previews for superbad first started to play, I had virtually no interest in seeing the movie. However, as time passed, I began hearing all sorts of positive feedback from reputable and not-so-reputable sources alike. It got enough street cred among enough of my associates that I decided to give the movie a go, but I never had time while it was in the theaters. Recently it was released on DVD and I was so close to making a blind purchase since I had heard so much good stuff about it.

Thank what ever diety you worship I did not. I know I am going to catch flak from some folks, but that movie was straight up lame. It is not that the movie was bad. It just wasn't good. Kind of like a sub from subway. Except that the reasons subs from subway are tolerable is that they are fast, cheap, and healthy. There wasn't much to justify the lack of goodness I have been so eagerly expecting. Thank you netflix, from saving me from that purchase.

My purchase luck ran out there though.

This past weekend I attended a friend's holiday party and wanted to bring along a little bit of the seasonal Sam Adam's joy that is Old Fezziwig's Ale. That is a beer that is so tasty, it makes you want to slap Jim Koch's Mama. The kicker is, the only way to get Ole Fezzi, is to buy the holiday sampler for $16 and that only comes with 2 bottles, in theory.

Why "in theory?"

Well much to my dismay, my sampler only had 1 fezziwig. The other was mysteriously swapped with a scotch ale (which is also delicious, but much more widely available). And one of my cream stouts was switched with a brown ale. It was like a TJ maxx or Marhsall's case of beer, slightly irregular, and should have been clearly labelled and discounted as such. That makes me want to slap Jim Koch.

I sent their website an email, so we'll see where we go with that one.

Also, happy birthday Joshiebear.

Reason # 406 I loves the Internet...

While I am not certain why, I can only assume that the approaching holiday season triggered the memory of a toy I remember seeing as a much younger topic15. A toy I never owned, but wanted to for a long time.

I could not remember its name, but a quick google search on 1980s toys programmable vehicle revealed the one and only Big Trak.

Technically it was a toy of the late 1970's, but its futuristic style wore well into the early 1980's. Essentially it was a thinking man's remote control car.

It did not have an external remote, rather the top of the Big Trak contained a key pad which you could program a series of commands to tell the Big Trak what to do, Go forward 10 steps, turn left, reverse 2 steps, fire the proton cannon 200 times.

As a kid I wanted one of these (or at least I think I did). Now, being older and seeing a video of one in action, I would assume the capabilities did not justify whatever price it was sold at...

Stick to your knitting, Subway

Subway, we need to talk. Your latest efforts are going to confuse consumers. You can not position yourself as purveyor of healthy eats, and support fitness then throw a sandwich called "the feast" on your menu and have Quahog's favorite portly son promote it.

I love Family Guy, but Peter Griffen is not the face of healthly choices.

It's like when cadillac tried to get into the business of selling small cars. Nobody wants a small caddy and nobody goes to subway to pig out on delicious subs, because well, quite frankly there subs taste like shit.

Get ready to learn something new, Part II of II

For those of you who were interested in seeing the Suge Knight Christmas video and click on the link in the previous post.

Congrats!

You just got rick rolled!

Apparently, this has become the latest rage in online practical joking. The premise is as follows, you lure an unsuspecting mark to the site under false pretense of seeing some sort of amazing video or latebreaking news. As soon as the victim arrives at the site, they are bushwhacked, er, greeted by that damn Rick Astley video.

According to the stats on youtube, some 3 million folks have been rick rolled to date, and the number grows daily.

Get ready to learn something new Part I of II

Pandora recently started offering genre based channels and I figured I would explore their holiday channel to stream a little holiday joy through my computer speakers. After considering the different genre's of holiday fare, I opted for the R&B/Pop holiday station.



A few songs into the mix and I swear I heard Nate Dogg rockin the mic, holiday style. I clicked over to check the album and sho'nuff it was him, dropping his cut from Death Row record's Christmas Album, Christmas on the Row.

I kid you not. This album has Snoop rapping about Santa going str8 to tha Geto.

I did not know that such an album existed and chances are, neither did you.

Even less well known, is that there was a music video to go along with it, featuring Suge Knight as santa and that little guy from Friday as his elf.

You can see that video here.

Baggage Handler 1 - Ben's Bag 0

I just returned from a swank, long weekend, birthday trip to Dallas. The trip was great. There was much fun, discovery of a new favorite beverage, Scottish Ale, and enjoyment of a far more temperate climate.

Somewhere between DFW airport and IAD airport, some rogue baggage handler saw it fit to challenge my bag to a no-holds barred, hell in a cell, texas tornado, lumberjack, hardcore wrestling match. The handler won, largely due to the fact that he/she is a mobile sentient being and my bag is well, just a bag.

Normally I would allow, heck, even encourage this very sort of behavior.

Unfortunately, normally I don't cart around several large glass bottles of hot sauce and a bag of sumac.

As one could imagine the combination was take a brick to a gun fight ugly. As we drove from the airport I thought I caught a brief scent of vinegar coming from my bag. Once home, I opened the bag only to reveal a sight so horrifying, it might qualify for Saw 5. I really should have taken a picture as words can not do justice to the mix of broken glass and clothing all bathed in red.

Sigh.

AA baggage staff, ride it.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We normally don't make it a habit of telling people what to do, here at topic15, rather we prefer to offer recommendations.

That basic tenet is suspended for this post.

GO HERE NOW!

This, hands down, is the funniest damn thing I have seen in a good long while.

We can all thank the honorable Wehe for that one.

Well played sir, well played.

Social Experiments

I can't recall if I previously mentioned this, although if not I almost certainly should have, but a good friend of mine has this little experiment he runs out west in the foothills of Berkeley.

He drives around looking for people and when he finds just the right person, he points at them and blows a pink whistle and yells "who do you think you are?" And them blows the whistle and points some more.

Well I only brought that back up because I recently came into ownership of my very own pink whistle. The problem is, I can not, for the life of me, carry on the experiment. Not so much due to any moral conflict, but more so, because I can not contain my laughter while doing so.

Hmmm, maybe the cure is to take the whistle to costco.

In other examples of social experiments/absent mindedness, they other day I walked off with someone else's grocery cart and got 2 aisles away before they tracked me down. Now I realize that this resulted from a total mind fart, but it raises a good question and possible extension of the pink whistle experiment. Go into the grocery store, walk off with someones cart, wait for them to find you, they whistle away and run.

Who's with me?

Three little things...

1). Beowulf in 3-d is freaking awesome.

And even though comic book guy in row 6 would vehemently disagree it is certainly not because of Angelina Jolie's tig ole CG bitties. Rather it is makes good use of a long over looked medium, the CG is so good that there are points you forget you are not looking at real peeps and Beowulf throws a wicked good rabbit punch right in Grendle's freakish swollen external ear drum. Good stuff.

Some might ask, is the movie scary?

Yes.

But not so much for the Beowulf content as much as the previews which feature Brendan Frasier in 3-D. The world has yet to know such terror.

2). Why aren't plumbers in better shape?

In the last week I did the following:

A. Fixed the toilet

B. Removed all of the fallen leaves on our property with the B&D Bush Hog Vac

C. Ran for 45 minutes on the elliptical (ok technically it isn't running, but I don't think the word Elliping has been coined yet)

Which of these activities resulted in walking funny and wicked muscle soreness?

The toilet repair.

Christ I felt like I ran a marathon the next day. So why are plumbers all stereotypical chunky monkeys? They should be freaking Hulk Hogans if that is what they do on a daily basis.

3) Saving the best (*or possibly worst) for last...

Seeing as my birthday is right around the corner, presents have already started to arrive.

If you wonder what kinds of things T-15 gets as presents, today is your lucky day. Before we get to the gift, let's start with the paper.

What in the world kind of early birthday present for a 32 year old comes wrapped in paper like this?

According to my mother, one that matches the tone of the gift it hides, more in terms of how disturbing it is, than its colorfulness.

As I peeled back the clown jack-in-the-box laden paper, much to my surprise and delight, I found this...

Yessiree, The Terror of Tiny Town DVD, an all little person western starring Jed Buell's midgets...

Look, I swear I am not making this up.

Even better is the blurb on the back of the box....

The Terror of Tiny Town was produced by Jed Buell after the success of his 1937 novely/exploitation picture, Harlem on the Range, the first all-black western.

A sequel little-person western, Hang 'em Not so High was announced but sadly abandoned before it was ever put to cameras.

Hot damn!

If this is any indication how year 32 goes down in the book of T-15, I am not gonna complain.

Do what now?

Another installment in cultural enlightenment, this chapter of T-15 will feature a special cat fish fishing technique known as noodling (AKA Hogging AKA Catfisting AKA Grabbing AKA Graveling AKA Tickling AKA Dogging AKA Stumping AKA DO WHUT?)

The technique works as follows...

1) Go to a muddy river



2) Get in and look for a stump

3) Jam your beater into the stump and hope a cat fish chomps down on your finger

4) Yank it out



5) Drink a Coors Light in celebration of catching a fish and not encountering a snapping turtle, beaver or Julia Roberts in the stump.

That newscaster is going to h-e-double hockey sticks...

I promise, I had nothing to do with the editing of that tape....

Who wants to go to Britt Iowa Next August?

why?

The national Hobo convention.

Yes, after a quick visit to hobo.com to answer all of my burning hobo questions, I discovered that hobos have their own convention, hoboweek, a hobo code, hobo kings and queens, and even hobo court.

I kid you not.

Hobo.com

go there and see for yourself.

Dear Santa...

Please send me one of these...

In case you are wondering, that contraption is the love child of an arcade cabinet and a kegerator. Who needs dave and buster's?

Other items of interest I've seen round the net include...

The Back-up, a bed mounted gun rack for your shotgun which is positioned as the last line of defense. One only wonders how long it will be before Onyx gets on board with their own version, the Bacdafucup rack for your twin desert eagles with hollow points.

A yodelling pickle.

Well that's it. What can I say, I am but a simple man with simple tastes.

It's like a 40 pack of road rage...

Ok, time to get topic15 back on track and if topic15 is good for anything, it is highly-concentrated acerbic complaining.

Yessirree, no half-steppin, limp-wristed constructive criticism here, but rather, a plethora of restaurant quality hatin'.

Topic of the day? Costco.

Perhaps no other establishment can be the source of such pain and joy at the same time.

As much as I love their products and prices, I can not stand 99.9% of the other members. It is almost as bad as the intersection of the post-Rodney King LA riots and a South Carolina Piggly Wiggly after a devastating 1 inch snow storm is about to hit.

Let's review a sampling of the worst offenders...

The free sample C-blocker
You can find this prick monopolizing the free sample table. While I don't have a problem with repeat samplers, I do have a problem when you block the box and strike up a fake conversation with the worker to hide the fact that you are going to eat 8 pounds of alpine lace swiss cheese. C'mon! Get your sample and get your fat ass out of the way. Other people came to Costco for a free lunch too ya know?


The Absent Minded Carter
This piece of work is virtually impossible to miss, as they seem to have a fever and the only prescription is to slowly wander aimlessly right in front of you only to ditch their cart exactly in the middle of the aisle, at a cockeyed angle, so there is no getting around.

Look, I am not a criminal on the run and you are not a cop who parks their cruiser sideways on the road to block it. But, if you insist, I will play ball and ram right the heck through, I have 12 pounds of red peppers to buy for $5.


The Cardless Member
You typically encounter this person at the two biggest choke points, the entry and checkout. More often female than not, they tend to wait till they get carded at the door to start searching through their duffle-bag sized purse for their membership card, effectively cutting off entry for all subsequent members. 2 hours later, when the line wraps around the door, they realize their card is in their other purse.

Good Grief!

The worst part is that is does not end there. Some actually do manage to find their cards, only to lose them in that freaky purse abyss sometime between entry and checkout, thus requiring the entire process to happen again at check out. Adding insult to injury, they often pay by check as well. It is a good thing the cases of socks and the cases of soap are on opposite sides of the store, cause if not, I think I would be smelling a blanket party cooking.


I can't afford a Baby-sitter, so I just take the kids to Costco
Pretty self-explanatory, these wanks let their kids run loose in Costco like it is some sort of kid nation. Unfortunately without the mistaking of bleach for lemonade. You know that cage where they lock up electronics? Costco needs to start locking up unaccompanied kids there to resell them to Bradgelina or Madonna types.


Honestly,I think Costco is too liberal with their membership. It should be a privilege, not a right, and you should be required to take a test to qualify for membership.

In the news today...Coincidence?

Did anyone else notice this on CNN's website today?

Just another item to throw in the bushel basket of things that make you go hmmmmmm.

So as I logged in, I was rather shocked by the fact that my last post was 10/20 -- 18 days ago, and I don't even have a superfly rap song to show for it.

Good grief.

Either I am become extra-ordinarily lazy with my bloggage, I am too boring to find stuff to blog about, or perhaps time is moving faster.

Yes, that's it. It must be. In fact I do recall seeing a blurb on the news about a slight change in the earth's rotational speed. I was utterly shocked at the nonchalant manner in which the news caster glossed over that fact to get to a really important story, so important I don't remember what it was about, but seem to believe it was about whether or not Tom the Turkey would be ready for the thanksgiving day parade. Yes, that certainly trumps the earth deciding that it wants to change speed.

I can't blame channel 5 news, they are simply catering to the interests of their viewers. And let's face it, people are becoming increasingly less intelligent. It is only a matter of time before machines take over. Or have they already started? I recently read an article in Wired magazine, my latest un-guilty pleasure about the electronic devices becoming our outboard brains. Quick tell me you parent's phone number. Heck, tell me your phone number. Many people immediately grab for the cell phone for such information nowadays, quite frankly because there is far more information available to process now than ever before, and our cabeza's only have some much capacity, unless your name is Ken Jennings.

So, if recall of facts is no longer a reliable marker of intelligence, what is? Could it be the ability to gather facts (as opposed to storing them) and place them in the appropriate context?

Bo Darvill might suggest precisely so. He once said something to the effect of the intelligence of what you know depends on where you are. Very moving. Who, you might ask is Bo Darville? The bandit, i.e. Burt Reynolds from Smokey and the Bandit. I've tried searching all over online for the exact quote, but my search turned up as fruitless as Sheriff Buford T. Justices.

So where am I going with all this?

You'll see, we are almost there.

What has long separated man from machine, intelligence-wise, is the ability to tease out context and apply it to facts. And for this we can sleep safe at night.

Then I found this. A mere toy, an electronic game, a modern rendition of a classic pastime, 20 questions?

Ha! It is the first shot in the man vs computer wars!

Let me tell you while not 100% accurate, it comes disturbingly close. And that is the home version (which is non-learning). The online version continues to grow in intelligence with every game played.

Oh Snap, somebody call Sarah Connors STAT!

Cliff Wagner & The Old # 7

Van Damn! I wasn't expecting much from the American Idol spin-off, the Next Great American Band, but gotta sucka punched by its premier last night.

Among the usual tool bags on the audition show were a few gems. Most surprisingly, for me, was the strong presence of bluegrass bands and standing at the front of the pack is Cliff Wagner & the Old #7.

I happened to stumble across one of his video's on youtube which pretty much erased any inkling of a question as to whether or not I am a fan.

My nana had that same IH Cub Cadet tractor, I have been known to enjoy a C-45 tall boy from time to time, and I own a remarkable similar suit. The real deal sealer, however is the ever so brief cameo of the luchador.

Genius. Pure unfiltered genius.

Remember that rap song I wrote a while back?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

BDP 3:16 says...

3:16 into the video (actually it is -2:14 the way the timer works when you embed)...



Words can not describe the awesomeness.

Tangermeister

For those who dare, I have discovered a new drink, which while I have yet to sample, can promise will offer an express ticket to trouble-ville.

Ladies and gentlemen, what do you get when you cross an jager-bomb with an astronaut?

The tangermeister.

1 shot of jager dropped into have a cup of tang.

Let the booting and bar fights commence.

Spreading the love and the hate...

Sorry for the sparse postage lately, thangs been re-diggity-donk-u-lously busy.



In fact I just put in 5.5 hours of work and it is a freaking sunday. Buh!



Regardless there are 2 things which are far too important not to share.



Example #1: VH1 Soul.



Yes I have very mixed reactions about this, but when it comes down to it, this lil' ghetto child of VH1 is pretty much the hotness. If not for no other reason than its showcasing of the documentary, And you don't stop: 30 years of hip hop. One can only hope that this comes out on DVD. I'm not gonna spoil much, but it gives an unprecedented look into this like the genesis of the NWA's F#$% the Police (hint it involves Ice Cube's Suzuki Sidekick bus stops in Compton and a paint ball gun) and the demise of the group (hint it involves scrilla AKA snaps AKA money). Even better are how some of the participants dissect songs such as Nuthin but a G thing and compare it to "some black beach boys shit."



Glorious!



Even better is the fact that they have things like Teddy Riley's Top 10 New Jack Swing countdown, where he confesses that one of his groups, Black Street absolutely hated the song No Diggity when they first heard it. Teddy pushed hard and convinced they to cut the track, but the concession was that he had to sing the hook. Fast foward and it becomes arguably the best (if not only) song the group is known for. This is Don Schlitz/Kenny Rogers all over again.



Awesome.



Now for example #2, which is also awesome, but in a totally nast kind of way.

I came very close to talking my wife into buying this last night. We were at an Exxon gas station and they had a huge bin of 50% off candy and I saw some king size reese cups and got totally geeked.

I then looked closed and saw that they were laced with banana creme.

BLEH!

No wonder that mess didn't sell at full price.

Banana creme, peanut butter and chocolate?

Reeses, go smack yourself. Are you in cahoots with Frito lay? Save that mess for someone else.

C'mon Frito Lay, now you are just messing with me...

Fritos are quite tasty as is, no doubt, but keeping with industry standards and evolving tastes, the continue the quest for the next flavor breakthrough.

And their latest offering is....

Tangy roasted corn Fritos.

Um, let me get this straight. The best you can do is to come up with a corn flavored corn chip?

You are totally fucking with me right?

Cause if not, I really hope someone in the bowels of the Frito Lay HQ is putting the smackdown on R&D right about now.

What did you do? Hire the lead researcher away from Hot Pockets? The same guy who came up with the chicken pot pie hot pocket (the same hot pocket flavored hot pocket that Jim Gaffigan so often rants about)?

Granted, as low rent as a corn flavored corn chip is, at least they are being honest, unlike those sneaky bastards at doritos.

Kickin it old skool

Look, I'll be the first to admit that I care not for the comedic stylings of one Jamie Kennedy, especially after the Malibu's most wanted fiasco.

Needless to say, I had low expectations* for his recent offering, kicking it old skool, but decided to give it a shot as it features Bobby Lee and included Rowdy Roddy Piper in the credits (yet he was no where to be seen in the actual film).

I have to say I was pleasently surprised. Maybe it was seeing all those 80s-tastic toys in the credit or a rat tail less than 5 minutes in, but this movie is worth a watch on the 80s nostalgia alone.

A nice added bonus was discovering the D. Ramirez Remix of Bodyrox's "Yeah Yeah" featured in the dance off between a bunch of face painted freaks called the Misfitz and a You got served kinda crew.



That track is just plain swank!

As a second nice treat, Adolfo "Shabba-Doo" Quinones AKA Ozone from 1984's Breakin was in charge of choreography. RADICAL! I am not sure if it was his doing or not, but there is a deliberate nod to Turbo AKA Bugaloo Shrimp's dancing with the broom rountine.

If not for anything else, watch it for the Hoff cameo.


* I'm talking midget on his knees low

Stay classy hacksaw...

While at a friend's wedding this past weekend I met an interesting fellow who goes by the name "hacksaw."

We swapped stories about the Boondock Saints and he told me his goal in life is to curb stomp someone. It's good to have goals in life. Right?

Did I say he was an interesting fellow?

During the day he works at the NY Renn Fest.

As a pirate.

During the night we works at some sort of boarding house for Renn. Fest women.

His role must be tied to guest services, as he said inherent to his job duties is to make sure patrons are satisfied with their stay and recently one such lady required his "manly" services in order to be fully satisfied.

Yowzers!

Let that sink in for a moment.

Yes, I met a pirate hooker.

Did I mention he was an interesting fellow?

Rollin down the street, sippin on prune juice..

Aw man, as if I have not faced enough depressing events in the last few weeks, I happened across this.

For you busta's too lazy to be clicking on links, the article linked above is a review of Death Row Record's special 15th anniversary release.

Sweet 6.2 ounce baby jesus in a blanket, tell me it has not been 15 years since Snoop was rockin the airwaves with his johnson baby powder and cool water cologne.

15 years?

Dizamn! That album is older enough for it's learners permit, which means it is only a few months before it starts asking for the keys to the car and all that mess.

Well, I guess it is not all bad. In fact, the album is quite good.

I recently took a trip to AC and while riding up, I was rocking the 2 cd set, which is quite nice. I joked with my passenger about how fun it would be to roll into the Borgata rockin Compton hats, and heading straight to the roulette wheel to bet on black.

I could picture the chain of events so cleary...

Topic15 & Fu (pronounced few): Chip me up for a hundrizzle, fo rizzle and put all that shizzle all on da blackness my nizzle!

Wheel attendent: Um, what are you asking for?

Fu: Damn professor peckerwood! Are you deaf? He said put a hundred on black, you crackajack Mofo!

Wheel attendent: Are you sure?

Topic15 & Fu: WTF you think (as we point to out compton hats).

Yeah that wouldn't be something.

Although I really don't think the Borgata is down with those types of antics.



The whole point of the trip was to celebrate a friend's last weekend as a bachelor. Me and Fu had some time to kill before the guest of honor and the rest of his entourage arrived.

Five hours to be exact.

That is what happens when you roll with a gypsy, 5 hour delays and such. We hit up the corner likka store, played some games at the arcade, had dinner, and then we decided to rock some black 8 action.

As my second attempt, I concur the findings of my initial efforts. Simply delicious. Unexpected and unnaturally tasty.

It is pretty interesting, as the first time I tried a black 8 was with the honorable Burr, and he felt that the OE was gonna ruin the guinness. Fu, conversely, was deathly affraid that the guinness was going to taint the OE. Both were pleasantly pleased with the outcome. I may have to host a black 8 event to share this joy with the world at some point in time.

All in all, the night was good and we stayed out of trouble.

The only real regret I have is betting $40 on the number 8 in roulette, but c'mon, think about it....

$40 on the number 8, which not only happens to be my favorite number but is also black.

Black...
8...
40...

The significance of hitting that number would have been chilling to say the least.

Instead it was some jive weak red number that the greek next to me bet on.

Malaka!

One more reason the neighbor's hate me...

This weekend, I decided to "pimp my ride" and by pimp my ride, I mean install the world's most annoying horns.


This video really does not do the horns justice. They sound like running over a nest full of inebriated, and somewhat mentally challenged pterodactyls.